6yr old son who REFUSES to work in class.

[MrsCluggy]

PLEASE HELP! As my thread title suggests, I have a 6yr old son who is refusing to do his work in class, and by this I mean, he will just sit at this table and do NOTHING ! This has been going on for a week. His teacher has moved him off his table and sat him on his own as she believed he was being distracted by the other children, but this hasn't worked either. It is so frustrating because he is a very intelligent little boy who can read, write and do maths better than my 11yr old son !!! He is just refusing to work for some reason and we cannot get to the bottom of it. I have just bought him home and sat him down to complete the essay that he should have done in class and he has completed a side of A4, spelling, grammar perfect in 10 minutes !! So why is he not doing this in class? I have to add, our son is adopted and we have had him since he was 2yrs old. To cut a long story short, he hasn't had the best relationship with women and he does use these stubborn tactics at home to get attention, but he's using these at school now because all of his teachers are women, but the way he's going, they are going to refuse to have him in the school because he is just being completely stubborn, unresponsive and naughty. A few months ago, I actually took the drastic step of refusing to let him go on an educational school trip because of his attitude and I dragged him to the Headmasters office to see if a male influence would help him behave, but I don't want to have to drag him to the Headmaster everytime because this is just adding to his attention seeking tactics. Both his teacher and my husband and myself are at the end of our tether. We really want to help him but it's like talking to a brick wall. ANYONE, ANY ADVICE, PLEASE HELP. URGENTLY !!!!

last year when my DS was 6 he did a similar thing, would sit with his feet up on the table and refuse to work (he had had some issues with teachers at a previous school and didn't trust any of them). His teacher was great, she ignored him, didn't move him, told the other children to ignore him and no one spoke to him when he was doing it. It lasted for about half a term, then he just got used to the fact that he was not going to get the one on one attention he wanted and gave in and started working again.

I have found little boys to be very stubborn, he probably doesn't try the tactics over work at home as he knows he won't get away with it. I also think talking to them sometimes gives them the attention they want and reinforces the behaviour, I would honestly get everyone to try completely ignoring it. Hang in there he will pull through it mine did and is now going great guns :)

Sounds to me that yout DS believes that the work they are doing at school is too easy for him and clearly he is quite capable of sitting doing nothing for the whole day and then doing more than the rest of the class in 10 minutes- I think he probalbly is bored and making a point - if he's capable of Year 6 work in Year 2 he needs to be provided for. Talk to the teacher about appropriate work if he's provided with something more stimulating you may find he'll get on with it. If not he's lile;y to move on to distracting the rest of the class.
If he is working at a level 4 years ahead of his age can I recommend the gifted topic threads.

Oh dear. First things first

We had this last year. ds' was kept in for a portion of most of his breaks. His teacher knew he could do the work, but could never get him to put anything down on paper. At all. It was a nightmare.

Skipping forward a bit, this year new teacher and he writes (still abit of a pita wrt to homework). He is working above where his teacher had expected him to. And he has stopped fighting in school. However, we have had a problem with spellings. Major attitude problem. When i spoke to his teacher she reassessed him and changed his level. He actually had to work at his spellings this week and had words that I can't spelling although i am dyslexic and he isnt

Incidentally we got ds involved with an active sport that required 2 evening training sessions. He blows a bit of steam and frustration out of his system, and because he has to focus intently on what he is doing means his brain has to work hard. Combined with the discipline and additional matches this knackers him out and for my ds was at least part of the problem. He requires a high information/brain activity level to function properally. Without it he is a nightmare, with it he functions and cooperates. could this be worth looking into? something like rugby/football etc which requires them to develop skills whilst tiring out?

Essays at 6?!

I think that if he is refusing to do work in class then you and the teacher need to form a plan. I don't think that extreme punishments like not letting go on an outing are helpful. I think you risk doing pychological damage.

My son was very lazy at 6 years old. I came to an arrangement that if he did no work at school then the teacher would show me his writing book. I made him do the work at home and my son got no TV or computer that evening. I found it worked better with my son to say quietly to him that felt disappointed rather than to give extreme punishments.

If he is playing up for attention then he needs to be given attention when he does work. My son's teacher used to tell me when he had done a good piece of work. If you feel that adoption is causing him issues then prehaps you need the ed pych to suggets some strageries.

I think this gifted stuff is a bit of a red herring. A task like writing an essay is self differenting. You could give the same essay title to a 6 year old, a 16 year old or a mumsnetter.