My 6 year DD does not like my friend's DS kissing her at school.

[Dottymcdot]

My DD tells me that she is very unhappy that my friend's DS is trying to kiss her at school. My DD is not shy, so he must be being pretty persistent. She asked me to talk to his mum. So reluctantly I broached the subject gently whilst walking home from school. She was really unhappy about it, and walked on ahead. Later she text me, saying my daughter evidently could take care of herself and she did not think that her DS was doing this at all, but that she would talk to him and rest assured it would not happen again. I did not want to talk indirectly about the issue to DD's school teacher as I see my friend everyday and thought she would be upset if she realised that I had discussed this with the teacher without talking to her. Did I do the right thing or should I have let things lie? Things are going to be frosty between us for a while I think.

This is what I though, but the frosty reaction I got from her was really surprising. Thanks Natasha Bee. She told me that he is not an over assertive boy, and gentle so it seemed strange that she could not tell him to go away etc, but actually she can come across as assertive but the reality is she is only 6 and this boy mother is friends with her mummy, and so she may just be mixed up about what she should do, and she may feel mean about it.

Talk to the teacher next time! You should be able to talk to your friend, but it often doesn't work out that way.

You did the right thing to take it seriously, but I might have approached the school in confidence first, as you probably will still need to anyway. Your daughter needs to know that she will be listened to, but parents will generally stick up for their child. Unless it is happening out of school too I take the cowards way out and talk to the teachers.

The thing is that it is happening outside of school too. I have learned my lesson and will talk to top he teacher instead next time.....eeek

Something that is occurring within school should be dealt with by the teachers of that school.

Golden rule never, ever broach school problems directly with a child's parent, especially if they are a friend - just causes bitterness and embarrassment.

So the result has been that my friend has spoken to her son, she says that he is really upset as he thinks my DD does not like him. My friend has said that she no longer wishes us to walk to school together, nor does she want to walk on the way home, effectively cutting off any opportunity for us to discuss this rationally. As advised above I would normally have gone via the teacher, however this is happening inside and outside school, she would more than likely have ended up knowing it was me who had spoken to the teacher in any case.

I have known her for a number of years, have been able discuss child development issues with her and health scares along with very personal stuff about our daily lives so although I knew it would be awkward I thought it would be better if we could discuss it calmly in an adult manner. I know that I would have been embarassed had it been the other way around, but I would not have reacted like this.

Yes I hope so too. I am now debating how to explain why we will no longer be walking to school together.

Just holding off currently.

So I saw her at school waved to her and she blanked me. Great. I am really cross. An obvious example of why you should always speak to the teacher.

I think she's the one with the problem not you. If her DS now thinks that your DD doesn't like him because she doesn't want him to kiss her - that's a huge leap. I like lots of people, I like my neighbours, I even like my boss sometimes. I do not think it would be appropriate to kiss them though. Sounds like your friend needs to be discussing expressing emotions and what is/isn't appropriate with her DS. And you're well shot of her if she is such a drama queen takes things to such extremes.

I have been on the other side of the coin with this (my ds being over affectionate with his friend). I am on friendly terms with the other mother (but not close friends or anything). She brought it up with me in a really gentle way and I was mortified, apologised and addressed it. Assuming you weren't speaking of her son in a negative way or there is some other problem, she is being wholly over sensitive.

Sounds like she's reacted very unfortunately but I think you did the right thing.

My DS is also a relatively shy and unassertive boy, but also very affectionate and will kiss other children - the two are not mutually exclusive. He's young enough now that it's OK, I think, but in a couple of years it may not be. I hope that if anyone was finding it a problem, they would just have a quiet word with me rather than going to his teacher. And I'd try and just handle it with him appropriately - partly because he is shyer, I would feel better able to engage with him gently than leave it to a teacher who didn't know him so well.

Not sure there's much you can do now but hope she gets over it.

Poor you.
The MOST important thing is that your DD knows you listen to her and will protect her.
But now to build bridges again! V tricky. Leave it a week and then invite them for an after school playdate/ cuppa tea. If she says no, just chill and say ok hopefully another time.
In these situations theres usually 3 or 4 sides to the story! DD not wanting to be kissed, Friends DS not understanding boundaries, teacher just seeing it all as normal playground banter, you being protective, friend being defensive.
Hope things smoothe out, they usually do!

It just sounds like you hit a sore spot with her. Perhaps there is some issue that you don't know about - though not suggesting you go there! Anyway there is nothing you can do about it now - just let her be and try to be as relaxed as you can. She is being a twit though.

Thanks all I am not going mad then. All I said to her was that I felt awkward talking to her about it (knowing her to be someone someone who does blow things to of proprortion) and said Her DS kept trying to kiss my DD and she did not like it, please could she have a word. I do not know how long this has been going on, DD has been strange on the school run with her DS. I think she is very sensitive about this sort of thing. Yes I am probably being very protective too, but with good reason, I need her to know that no-one gets to touch her unless she wants them to. A big leap but someone tried this this with me whenj was 14 and I was totally ill equipped to deal with it. All ok, no lasting damage, just a one off but I do not ever want her to feel that sort of helplessness.

Goodness excuse all the typos getting used to a different keyboard.

Could she learn karate? A swift chop round the chops will show em boys whos boss!

Love it weevils wobble that is just up my DD's street. The other mother is very protective about everything. I. Keep trying to think about whether she would have had any qualms about saying anything to me if this has been the other way around. This building bridges lark is going to be fun, though there is a part of me that feels I just cant be arsed as she is likely to react like this about other things as well. DD is bound to notice too and this is not great either on many levels.

Ok there is more, as she seemed so upset, I tried to explain to her why I had approached her directly rather than talking to the teacher. I said that I wanted to speak to her directly as she is my friend, I thought it would not be nice of me to talk to the teacher without her knowing, since she would be upset if she found out that I had done this. She is now asking me to explain this, I think she thinks I planned to just go behind her back and not speak to her but did not in case she found out.

Oh FGS I am done with this, if she can get her knickers in a twist so much over something so small then I cannot be bothered with her at all. I am better off without her. All this is obviously happening by text, so I have tried once again to explain and have said if she wants to discuss it any further the she needs to talk to me face to face as text is not a great way of communicating.