DS still seems to be overwhelmed by reception and teacher concerned with his motor skills

[AngryFeet]

DS started reception in mid Sept and was full time by the last week in Sept. He seemed to settle in ok although the first 3 weeks he was having accidents but since he only mastered potty training fully over the summer holidays I wasn't too surprised and he was fine after the Oct half term. He only cried when I left twice and that was in the 3rd week and then he was fine again.

But he just does not seem comfortable in school. When I leave him in the morning they have tables set up with various things to do plus a book corner, computers etc and he just wanders around aimlessly not talking to anyone. I try to get him to get involved but he says "You can go now". He always has a very serious look on his face and goes very quiet when we step into the classroom.

The teacher says he seems fairly happy but he keeps himself to himself all the time. They are working with him as his social skills are poor so he spends time with the SENCO and a small group of others once a week to help this. His language is also a bit poor (to be honest I never really noticed it as his sister barely spoke till she was 3 so in comparison he has great speech skills but he cannot pronounce any of the letters that come from the back of your throat like g, k etc).

He has no friends after over a whole term there and still doesn't seem to know who a lot of the children in his class are. I have taken him on one playdate and he has another on Friday plus he has been invited to another childs house in a couple of weeks which is promising. His teacher says he is just immature in comparison to the others and he is not really approachable as he is shy and gets a bit moody and mumbles when other children play with him. The teacher says in small groups when he is asked to join in with things he is very chatty though.

He has always been quite confident at home and gets on very well with his sister and friends children but even early on he would get cross with children at the park who he did not know who tried to play with him.

I spoke to his teacher again today who said his learning is coming along well but she is concerned about his small and gross motor skills as he struggles to hold a pencil - he can write his name and is starting to write numbers but it is hard to read. He also cannot cross his legs to sit on the carpet. He has to sit on a little chair instead :( She has suggested that he is assessed for a morning by the SENCO and possibly referred to an occupational therapist.

Basically I am worried. He doesn't seem happy at school and I can't relax until he does. He doesn't say he hates it and is ok to go in the morning but not excited. I don't want to start his school career off on the wrong foot. What can I do?

Apologies for rambling on for so long

Sounds like school think he might have dyspraxia. Which an OT can both diagnose, and help with.

You can go through the NHS, or private if you'd prefer....

There's loads and loads and loads that can be done to help with the symptoms of dyspraxia, and you're very lucky that school have picked up on it straight away.

Oh really? What is that?

Dyspraxia is problems with your fine and gross motor skills :)

(Sometimes it's called DCD - Developmental Coordination Disorder)

Symptoms

Hmm, see I would not look at those symptoms and think "That is DS". His balance seems fine to me. To be honest when the teacher said she was concerned about motor skills I was surprised as he seems perfectly normal. I was always worried about his emotional well being not physical.

Bump

Dyspraxia does cause emotional problems.

If you can get him seen by an OT you should jump at the chance.

If you also want ASD type things ruled out however you'll need to get him seen by a paedetrician.

There are a huge amount of overlap between dyspraxia symptoms and ASD symptoms.

If you don't think it's either of those things then it's likely to be something that school can deal with itself.

I presume your DS is 4 (or maybe just 5). Does he like kicking a ball, climbing a climbing frame, jumping on a trampoline?

I'd go ahead with the assessment. It could be a general DCD, but it could easily be something else entirely. An OT would be able to help with all the difficulties you have described.

dyspraxia and dcd are different things. My ds1 has dcd, amongst other things.

The term DCD describes a more generalised motor co-ordination difficulty which shows a marked difference between the levels of skills that would be expected for age or level of intelligence and significantly interferes with academic or activities of daily living. This is not caused by another medical condition (for example cerebral palsy) and is not part of a pattern of general learning difficulties. The term dyspraxia describes an immaturity in the development of the organisation and sequencing of movements. It can also affect speech, perception and thought. Not all people with DCD have dyspraxia, but often the words are used interchangeably.

( - from the dyspraxia foundation website)

Apart from not being able to cross his legs, what other gross motor concerns do they have? What aspect of crossing them is he struggling with?

In the meantime you can help his fine motor by doing exercises that involve the whole arm do big chalk pictures, blowing big bubbles, writing in sand, waving patterns with a ribbon on a stick and things like plasticine modelling. Lots of trips to the park or soft play will help his gross motor.

my ds1 also has a lot of sensory issues, which could be interpreted as emotional, tho it is questionable as to whether it is because of his DCD or PDD-NOS. PDD-NOS is pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified. Basically he is autistic but doesn't fit the criteria for an autism label or a Aspergers label! I think really at this age, it is more important to get his needs met rather than try to label what it is. DS1 had a working dx of dyspraxia at 3.

Yes Bonsoir he is 5 next month. Yes he likes all the things you mentioned and seems to be able to do them all ok.

I'm not sure what else is a problem actually. It was a very quick conversation at drop off as I was just checking how he was getting on and she said her and the TAs has been talking about him that morning. I will try and get a proper appt with her soon to discuss more fully.

Has anyone got any advice on the unhappiness and lack if friends? I suppose the lack of social ability could be ASD but he plays so well with his sister and her friends that I can't imagine it is that. But then I am not a doctor.

Yes agreed hopstheduck I never thought he had anything to be diagnosed with to be honest I just want him to be happy at school! I just don't know what the problem is and he won't talk to me about it. Just mumbles and says "I don't know" or runs away if I ask him.

With the leg crossing I have tried it a few times with him he just doesn't seem to know what goes where and you have to physically put his legs in the right place but he can't stay like that if you do. His teacher said he was constantly moving around trying to get into the right position at first (ended up lying on his front or kneeling up) until they realised he physically couldn't do it so put him on a chair.

From what you have described I'm not really sure he does have a huge problem socially - he just sounds a little shy and he prefers small groups. Moodiness can be a misinterpretation of shyness.

I think it is pretty common to to be able to name children in pre-school and not really form proper friendships. I'd just keep encouraging things, inviting friends around, etc. IME boys are quite different to girls in this respect. My boys (the NT ones!) have a wider group of more casual friendships whereas dd immediately settled on 2 best buddies at preschool. The boys never went on playdates at preschool, and never really could name anyone bar one or two boys and they were there for two years. Now they are at primary school and are extremely sociable.

Ds1 ( - the SN one) refused to acknowledge any one else at all. He was a real danger at preschool, because he would just blank out the existence of anyone else and attempt to walk through them as if they weren't there. he was like a bowling ball through skittles. He wouldn't talk to them, he'd hide if people tried to talk to him. He'd hide his face or stand facing something thinking they couldn't see him. He liked to just walk around hiding a giant snake all session. . He was good with his sister too, but the differences when he was with others was HUGE!

I'd work on the leg crossing thing, he might be feeling a bit uncomfortable at being the only one having to sit on a chair.

Things like that don't come easily to ds1, we have to teach him. Usually stories involving meerkats works well for us (his current obsession). Find something your ds is really interested in and make a little story to remind him of the method. For example, our OT devised a meerkat going under a log and round the other side for shoelaces! It worked once ds1 got over the fear that the meerkat shoelace was going to get strangled!

or if he really can't do it, can't they let him sit on the floor with his legs folded behind him to the side? Rather than on a chair if he doesn't need to be. Some children with cerebral palsy physically can't cross the legs and in a school I worked in they would sit like that rather than on a chair.