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bitchy behaviour

3 replies

skybluepearl · 18/12/2011 23:25

My 8 year old kid attends a lovely school and the class is particularly nice too. Well I though they were lovely in infants but now they seemed to have changed. Some of the girls have become quite awful. It seems the boys have calmed down quite a bit while the girls have started to behave in a bitchy manner. Does anyone know how long this will last? Is it normal?

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Kardashianw · 19/12/2011 09:23

WiLl last through there adult life bitchiness....unfortunate to this world girls who are bitchy at young life tend to follow through adult life. Just be careful your dd doesn't get dragged down with these bitchy creatures.
I dread my dd getting to year 4 plus but then again I'm a over protective mum as I was around bitchy girls going to an all girls school. I sat back and watched though!!!

DuchessofMalfi · 19/12/2011 13:24

Unfortunately I have to agree with Kardashianw. Once a bitch, always a bitch. Probably best for your DC to avoid those types of girls. Mine's only in Yr1 at the moment, so everyone is still basically nice. Probably supports my theory that boys make the best long-term friends, and I'm encouraging my DD to have both boys and girls as friends, and also friends outside of the school environment eg Church, Rainbows/Brownies etc.

Saracen · 19/12/2011 23:45

I don't agree. I know a number of girls who have gone through this stage and come out the other side as lovely people who are ashamed of their former behaviour. In fact, even when they are in the middle of their bitchy phase many of them are nice some of the time, as I'm sure their families would agree. Get them away from their audience and they can be downright human. Only trouble is, once they are back in the crowd again the bad behaviour returns, so it can be hard being friends with such a girl.

Sure, some girls have more of a tendency to behave this way than others and they may get stuck in their ways forever. But I think that very often it is just a response to the environment they are in. The worst environments are those that are quite insular, where people spend most of their time within a fixed social circle, such as schools and offices. In such a closed situation, falling out with the group is social suicide so people tend to play the game - whatever the game is. It's often bitchiness, backstabbing and social climbing.

I do, however, agree that a good antidote is to maintain friendships outside of the girl-classmates. This could include boys, children who are younger and older, and children who go to different schools. It doesn't fix the problem, because your daughter will still be stuck with these girls for many hours a day. But at least she will see light at the end of the tunnel, and will realise that not everyone behaves this way and it is not the absolute end of the world if her classmates turn on her. Having a good friend gives a boost to the self-confidence as the girl realises that she is likable and it may not be her own fault that other people are being nasty to her.

Here's a good book which may help give your daughter (and you) insight into the details of how it all works, and some ideas about ways to survive: "Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence" by Rosalind Wiseman.

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