Reception: DD suddenly doesn't want to go: Long

[ChrisMissWooWoo]

My dd (4) started reception in September, took to it like a duck to water and absolutely loved it. I took about an hour to settle her tonight after a long drawn out "conversation" and many many tears about not wanting to (a) be either packed lunch or school dinners and (b) not wanting to go to school at all anymore.

Everything seemed to be fine until she had a cold, was off for a day and I sent her back in probably too early, she took ages to eat her packed lunch probably because she was still feeling under the weather and so she was still there when the bigger (Y3+) kids came in for their lunch. She was a bit frightened of them and she came home upset. It took quite a while to get to what the problem was and I also went to see the lunch supervisor the next day to get to the bottom of things. I don't think there was any awful behaviour from the bigger kids but I think it did freak my dd out. Since then she appears to be rushing her lunch so that she doesn't have to see them (they have different playgrounds too). The following week I had to keep her off for another couple of days as her cold went down to her chest and the dr gave her antibiotics and told me to keep her off. Since then she has been saying that she doesn't want to have lunch at all because (a) she doesn't like eating with some of the other children (b) she doesn't like so and so's toy that he has in his lunch box, it frightens her (c) it's healthy not to eat her lunch (d) so and so has told her to eat slowly and she doesn't like him telling her what to do (e) it's yucky (she eats the same foods at home no problem) ... everytime I ask her why she doesn't want to eat her lunch she comes up with a different reason. She has been asking for more cuddles lately, had a "stomach ache" on monday for which I kept her off school because she didn't want to eat her breakfast/said she felt sick/crying/not her usual bouncy self but was fine by 11am asking for food. She appears to have lots of friends, has settled in well according to her teacher, is coming along fine with phonics. There have been the usual things that happen when children start school such as being friends/not being friends x 10 all in the same day, so and so saying this that or the other. All stuff that we talk about, what is acceptable/not acceptable behaviour etc.

Tonight, with only one more day to go she says she doesn't want to go to school at all, she says she misses me and that it's all my fault that I'm sending her in. I've tried to explain that all boys and girls have to go to school and that I love her but this doesn't seem to help. So many tears tonight and so many different reasons given for not wanting to go to school or to eat her lunch.

She has been in nursery part-time since 2.5, a few afternoons a week building up to 4 half day sessions and a full day gradually. She did take a long time to settle in and there were lots of tears, having been used to having me around all the time - I am a SAHM with very little family help - but within a few months she was fine.

Do you think it has suddenly just dawned on her that school is something she has to do all the time and that maybe the novelty has worn off (for other children too so perhaps this is effecting how they behave)? Is this normal, do most kids go through this? Why is it happening now, everything seemed to be going so well. Or does it sound like there is something else going on? It has been a busy week, she has had the christmas concert, a school disco and a school party within the space of a few days. Is she just worn out?

Anyone had a similar experience who can shed any light? I hate seeing her like this

Sorry being not bring and nearly over not flimsy!!

Just to remind people, if you decide that school really is not for your child (at the moment), then they do not have to go to school. In particular, compulsory school age does not start until the term after the child is five.

You can withdraw them from the school roll and educate them at home (until they are ready to try school again or throughout compulsory school age). Lots of advice over on the home ed board.

She is 4 yrs old, she isn't well and it is a long term and winter. It will all seem different after Christmas.

absolutely fine this morning until the bell rang and then there were tears I did have a very quick word with the TA to say that she was upset and doesn't want to be at school, she was and said "oh, that's not like her"

Last day though so am sure things will smooth out.

Thanks SDeuchars I don't think we're quite there yet, she generally is happy to be at school and I think it suits her personality, but like others say her tank is just running empty.

Roll on 3pm

I remember my DD doing this...and the teacher told me, "she's fine when she's here!"

I think that with a poorly 4 yr old at the end of a long term, with the excitement of Christmas you do not need to think of leaving school as a solution. I bet the teacher is similar! Everyone needs to recharge batteries-especially in the winter.

As others have said this term is always a week too long!
With the dark nights and wet breaks, they don't get to let of steam properly. Then you throw in Christmas. You get bored, excited and tired from school rather than playing DCs. They don't mean to be whinny, but they are.
Add too busy Mum and DHs works guaranteed Pre Xmas panic and Peace on Earth is not the result.

Even my school loving much older Y6 DD2 has had enough. She was ill last Friday and in over the top floods of tears about something last night.

Just ensure the last couple of days of the holidays are reasonably boring and I bet she'll be perfectly ready to go back.

I'm sure many Mums' employers do this too!
DHs are absolutely genius at Easter, July and December panics.

Hi ChrisMissWooWoo

I agree with many posting that the end of Autumn term with the build up to Christmas can all be too much.

We just had an assembly and my DDs (Y2 and Y4) were getting awards so I went in - at least 3 children from Class R burst into tears during assembly. I think it can all be a bit much.

I also remember that when my DDs were ill in YR and Y1 they seemed to regress a bit. They watched CBeebies instead of CBBC and wanted toys/ games they hadn't played with in ages. Part of this may be that your DD has been quite ill and isn't feeling well enough to be a 'big girl' at the moment.

Keep cheerful - talk about what is good about school, but enjoy the holidays. If your DD starts expressing worries/ concerns about returning to school, then I suggest you raise this with her Reception Teacher in January - it may be that something happened that lunch that upset her. They do try to separate Class R from the older children generally - so perhaps her being on her own when they all rushed in was a shock.

Our school has a partner scheme with older children (Class R partner with Class 4 & remain partners through KS1) - to help make the bigger kids seem more friendly. Does your school have something like this? It is a huge help if Class R know some of the older kids.

Hi PastSell

I don't know if it does have a partner scheme but what a good idea! I'll find out next term and if not maybe suggest we think about getting one.

The holidays are here now so hopefully she'll get back on track.

not only is it the end of a very long term for a reception child, the routine that she has gotten used to has changed as school will no doubt have started Christmas nativity type acitivites and often that change to normal that they think they know can be enough to tip them over the edge. She may or may not have liked the noise when the year 3's came into the hall as well, year 3 boys are IMO especially noisy. two weeks holiday is what she needs now and no mention of school or school lunches.