What made you move your child's school and how did it go?

[onceinawhile]

My DD1 has never really been happy at school - now in Y2 I am starting to wonder whether I should seriously consider moving her. She seems to be thriving in everything she does outside of school (piano, violin, ballet, etc) and very unenthusiastic about school in general and very often complaining.

Problems she's had include not bonding with any friends, (although many I think like her, she just doesn't seem to have found any she particularly wants to form a friendship with and it is a small school), lack of stretching, a group of particularly disruptive children in the classroom, and a general feel of dissatisfaction she seems to carry with her constantly.

I was especially surprised when my DS1 joined the school and seems to be having an amazing time, has found a lot of friends and generally is thriving. This highligthed even more how unhappy my daughter is - she is also a very resilient and formidable character so I feel even guiltier as I know she probably has tried her hardest and I have not faced the issues as much as I would have with another child who I would consider less "strong".

She had a very unhappy year last year but things got a little better towards the end and this year it had started well but has degenerated already. It is very difficult to work with the school as in their opinion my DD1 is doing very well and has lots of friends and they don't see what the problem is really - in fact they see her as their star pupil so it's really hard for them to see what I see at home!

I have been seriously considering moving her but I am worried about taking her away from her siblings (her brother is due to start in September), a long daily commute, and also that she will face the same issues all over again in a new school. It is a huge gamble really.

Have you ever been in a similar situation and what did you do and if you did change, did it work out ok?

Seriously not know what to do for the best!

I Had to read your post twice to check that it wasn't one I had written myself and forgotten about. We are in an almost identical situation right down to my DS being extremely happy and having another DS due to follow. Our concerns began this time last year in reception and were never resolved due to a very poor teacher. We also thought that things would improve this year but after a good start they haven't. The teachers insist that she is happy and has friends but her general demeanour and her insistence that school is boring and she hates break all seriously suggest that things are not ok. She is learning well but not being stretched anywhere near what she is capable of and this is contributing to the being bored and messing about issue.

This weekend we made the final decision to pull her out and move her to a prep school in September but we are not sure which one yet. We hope that smaller classes and more attention will motivate her more and help her. We are well aware of her strengths and weaknesses and feel that even if the issues continue we will get more support to help her.

Like you my DS will stay at the current school and my youngest DS will also go there but DD will hopefully leave at the end of the summer term.

I have literally made myself ill with worry about this situation. It is ok, she is ok, her work is ok, her behaviour is ok but she is not happy and I am her mum and I know that she's isn't thriving there, not like her brother is, and we have come to the realisation that ok simply isn't ok to ignore. I feel sick at the thought that we might be doing the wrong thing but I can't keep her at the current school knowing that it's not right for her just because it is close by and because her siblings are there.

You are right, reading your post we are down to exactly the same situation, even down to me making myself sick with worry. We are also planning to put her in for the 7+ to an all girls prep as I think she would have a better chance to get support and thrive there. She also hates break time and has been saying she is sick to avoid going outside! (only happened a few times but it's not a good sign!). It would be great if you PM'd me and kept in touch - I don't know anyone in RL in the same situation!!! Thanks for posting and good luck with your DD1!!!

We were in your position this year. Our dd (Yr2), was at the local outstanding school. They whole class had a bad Reception year, partly due to a inexperienced teacher, who had difficulty controlling the class and partly due to the fact that there are several quite 'challenging' children.

Yr 1 was better (good teacher), but to be honest she wasn't happy, like yours the school said she was fine and seemed happy and settled. But my dd is keen ethusiastic and motivated, but all this was starting to disappear at school. She was reaching expected targets, but I felt she not doing as well as she could.

During the summer we discussed moving her and spent a horrid two weeks, literally not sleeping and I felt physically sick at the thought of moving and upsetting her little world.

Well we visited and loved a great private school, although 20 minutes drive as opposed to 5! and she went for the day... Luckily she liked it, but didn't want to move, but when she returned to her old school, she said that she wanted to go to the new one and we took the hard decision to move her. She started this September.

If I had known the difference it would make, I would have done it sooner, she has settled right in and we have the dd we knew back, she is thriving, is motivated to work, adores her teacher and says she does't want to go back to her old school, we have kept in touch with some of her old friends, but she has made new ones and doesn't seemed too bothered about meeting up with the old ones so much now.

Personally, I think it is mostly down to the environment, there are half the number of children as in her old class, there is not the disruption from the 'characters' and the work is structured in such a way that she knows exactly what she will be doing from day to day and therefore, I think feels more in control of her environment. She even loves the uniform!

You know your dd and if you 'feel' something isn't right then go with the instinct. Our dd is so different, I feel really sorry for her that we didn't act sooner, she must have been very miserable at her old school and all the time we were finding excuses an trivial reasons for it.

If you want to PM me then please do, it was probably the hardest decision we had to make ever so far in our dd's life and we could have ended up eating humble pie if we had to go back to the old school, but in the end it was right.

Thank you for both your post. I seem to have hijacked this thread from the OP. It is so nice to feel that I am not losing my mind about this. Sometimes when I look at it logically I feel that perhaps I am being precious and that I am looking for problems but my instinct is telling me that I need to move her and I have been backwards and forwards on the decision for nearly a year now and still I feel that the school is wrong for her.

From the moment DS1 walked in there he was completely happy and I would not move him under any circumstances and because he was so happy we automatically sent DD there assuming that she would feel the same and didn't even look at any other places for her. It is a really fabulous local primary a 5 minute walk from home with all their friends a short walk away and my general views of the school have not changed hence being happy for DS2 to go there too. I keep asking myself "if it is good enough for everyone else then why isn't it good enough for DD?" It makes me feel guilty but i know that I need to get my happy girl back and I can't see that happening if she stays there.

We moved dd at the start of Y2. She had spent two years in a class where the quality of teaching and classroom management was poor. She was doing well but nowhere near what she was capable of, because the teachers struggled to manage the behaviour of a number of pupils who needed (but weren't getting) additional support and any teaching was squeezed into the time not spent dealing with classroom disorder. I know this because I was a reading volunteer and so spent a lot of time in the classroom. In some ways I wish I hadn't.

I was just beginning to ring round the local prep schools (every other state school nearby had a huge waiting list) when, out of the blue, our original first choice school offered us a place via the waiting list. We gave dd the choice, she said she wanted to move, and she has been so much happier ever since.

Thanks everyone who posted it's made a huge difference to me today. For the last 2 years I have been feeling so stressed on and off by this problem and having many sleepless nights! My DH is sick and tired of hearing me worry and I have gone from giving myself a telling off for worrying about nothing to having conversations with DD1 which were a bit surreal!

I will definitely PM you KTk9, I mentioned to my DD1 that we were thinking of moving her to a new school and to my surprise she has told me she can't wait to try it out!!!!

I moved schools a lot as a child and it really knocked my confidence, so I really agonised about moving our DCs school. We originally sent our children to a RC school, as that's what DH wanted and it seemed a nice school. There were lots of things that rang alarm bells such as high turnover of staff and children. However, there was initially nothing that impacted our family, so we stuck it out. DD seemed quite happy and always did well academically, but it was the wrong place for DS. We moved them to a state school in the next county (we are close to the county border) and they loved it. In fact, DD, who I was more concerned about, has lost touch with all her friends from the first primary but still sees friends from the junior school she was only at for 2 years.

Riversidemum, yes I moved schools loads when I was younger too and I didn't like it and weirdly my DH was in the same boat - in fact both of us moved a lot all our lives! I didn't want that for the children and that's why I don't like the idea of them moving - once is ok I suppose, but if it doesn't work out then where does it end? Aarrgh!!

We moved DS1 in September as he was starting Y3. Best thing we ever did. I have also written on KTk9's post. I ahve a different child who WANTS to go to school and now WANTS to work hard and try his best. The difference one term has made is astounding.

From the point of view of someone whose parents moved her to a different school in the same town at the end of what is now year 5, I would say please don't worry about the leaving friends aspect, as long term I found it to be a benefit. When I went to secondary school the following year I knew twice as many people as everybody else, and by that time the disruptive pupils (one of the main reasons for moving me) had matured a bit (or were better controlled by the secondary teachers!)

I was totally miserable throughout primary (bullying) and early secondary (crap school) education and wish my parents had been as involved as you all are (no criticism of my parents as moving schools wasn't the done thing back then). Please go with your gut instincts . I finally made the switch to (the equivalent of) a grammar school at 15 and couldn't believe the difference in teaching etc. It was school heaven until A level but my early miserable existence has had a long term effect on my confidence and sense of 'worth' (if that makes sense).

DS was in our local school which was considered to be the best in our city. But it was incredibly overcrowded, had no play areas, and the teachers were open about teaching decisions being based around dealing with the numbers of children rather than what was best academically.

DH had always wanted DS to go to a local independent school and persuaded me to go for a visit. We both really loved the atmosphere, and felt it would be better for DS. I went back for a tour with the principal teacher, and had the chance to really grill her about all the things that mattered to us.

So in our hearts we knew it was the right move for DS but actually making the move was hard. DS was happy at his original school and had lots of friends he was in P1 (aged5). When the other parents found out we were moving him they were a bit funny about it - it felt like they were offended by our decision.

DH and I worried about it for ages, DS on the other hand took to his new school immediately. Now I look back and I realise I should just have trusted my instinct that the new school was a better option rather than wasting time going backwards and forwards over the decision.

I have a similar, but also opposite situation i suppose.

I have recently moved dd to a school which is much better academically and where she has made massive improvements - which believe me were sorely needed. However, she came from a small school where she was happy and popular and loved the teachers. The new school, well, she just isn't happy and has even been diagnosed with stress and anxiety and been given medication.

It has only been a term, but God it is stressful, because at the end of the day, I guess all we want is for out dc's to be happy. I am loathe to move her again, i do think she will settle, but for now it is so hard.

If I were you op, you know your dd, a year is a long time to be thinking about doing something, I think you should do it.