If I was.to tell DDs teacher (Yr6) that she was deliberately harming herself what would happen next?

[HauntedLittleLunatic]

Background - split up with xp 9m ago.

Dd1 is daddies girl so hardest hit but as a general rule I have no outward concerns about the impact on her (obviously above the fact that I expect her to miss him IYSWIM). She sees him most days and stays over alternate weekends so still has regular contact with him.

She has been a little withdrawn over last week as we have put decs up and she is obviously pondering the prospect of Christmas without him here.

Last weekend she came down and told me that she had scratched herself deliberately because she 'was angry'. Quite a deep scratch and she was forthcoming with the fact that it was self inflicted and that she had done the same a couple of weeks ago. We had been arguing which had resulted in a punishment (banned from guides for 1 week) which she was upset at.

I had suspected during summer that she had been biting herself triggered specifically by her spending time with xp.

School are offering 2 to 1 (with her twin) sessions to support them - with a focus on 'change' to look back at the sepwration and forward to moving to secondary.

If I raise my concerns about her 'self harming' what would happen next? What outside agencies if any might I expect to be involved? I want to get the right support for her, is it even right to tell school or is gp better? Thought school might be lower key and be able to provide more subtle support?. Maybe I should just tell no-one and just temporarily monitor myself?

Just don't know what to do for the beat for hee :(

Last sentence should read

For the best for her.

Have you been to the GP with her? My DD had trouble after an event that had a deep seated affect on her life, we had counselling arranged through the GP and through the local hospice.

No I haven't been to gp. I don't want to be seen to be making a huge fuss and therefore thought that going via school and possibly linked family outreach working who is linked to these support sessions may be a more side approach. Do.t know if they are 'qualified' to deal with this sort of thing tho.

The school may suggest CAMHS referral, a family support worker, school nurse or "play" therapy. I would however suggest speaking to your GP. My son self harmed after his father died and our GP was a great help finding effective support for him. I'm so sorry for you all x

Sorry about typos. On phone.

Summary of last one is that I thought that school and surestart family outreach support service might be more subtle than making her sit in front of her gp.

Your DD is self-harming because she doesn't have the tools to deal with the emotions (or the strength of them) that she is experiencing. She needs urgent help with this, because self-harming can become addictive in itself and at this age, heading towards teens, you need to give her the tools to deal with her emotions healthily, and fast.

I would speak to her first about what she feels before she does it, and how she feels when she's done it. And then suggest other methods which will provide an outlet. So for anger, she could scream in to a pillow or she could scrunch up paper and chuck it. Come up with strategies together for appropriate ways to deal with feelings.

Then I would also speak to her GP and ask for her to have a referral for counselling.

Good luck, and really hope you can get her the support she needs

I can't speak for all GPs but ours was lovely. She talked to my DD and listened to her without making her feel pressurised or stupid and knew straight away of a good service we could access. In our case school had struggled to help DD and it was in desperation that we went to our GP.

In fact I've just remembered the service the GP put us in touch with, it was Young Minds

Thanks for the link.

Certainly looks like a useful starting point.

I personally would tell school as well as the GP.

(If I had a good relationship with school)

I don't actually know what would happen but please make sure something does.

I started self harming in Y6, not a whole lot was done at all and I am still doing it 16 years later.

Your daughter needs early help before the problem becomes serious.

Good luck

I would perhaps arrange an appointment with the school nurse as this will be less intimidating than going to the GP. She should be able to refer to CAMHS and offer 1:1 sessions for listening. This may be all she needs. School are great but often children open up better to someone they don't see every day if its something sensitive. Also school nurses are trained in listening, basic counselling techniques and basic mental health, so would be more appropriate. HTH.

Agree that the school nurse would be a good point of contact.

Have you spoken to her about it?

I had this discussion with DS2 because he had scratched his skin so much that it bled. It turned out that it was just because he wanted to see what happened. However, as he can have trouble dealing with his emotions, I had a chat with him about how sometimes people do this when they feel bad or in response to something thats happened. I emphasised that if he did feel like this, he could come to me or, if he preferred, go to the "place2B" counsellor they have at school.

Oh poor thing :(

I was a self harmer for years in my teens (abused child) - started at 13 so not as much of a child, and it escalated a lot before I got any help. She needs to know you are taking her pain (physical and emotional) seriously, but unfortunately it is a difficult balance as she also mustn't feel you are angry or disappointed in her, or embarrassed by having lots of people ask questions.

I think it's brilliant that she told you, BTW. It really does speak volumes about your relationship :)