Why so much secrecy?

[SenseofEntitlement]

Why don't primary schools tell parents anything?

I have no idea (apart from my own internet research, which obviously is not ideal at all) whether DD1 is doing well or not. The report said that she was average or below average, but the only info about what she needed to do was things she can already do, and has been able to do for years.

All the knowledge we have about how the day is structured comes through our 4yo, who talks rubbish a lot of the time, so it could quite easily be made up - how can we encourage her to go to school if we don't know what she does there? (apparently not school work )

The reading books just started being sent home, with no indication of how to use them, what information we need to give in the comment book and so on.

The only times we have been in the classroom are when we have been volunteering - not every parent can do this, so how can they know what it is like?

ARGH! Is it classified information?

Morally they should. But by law I think they're only required to give you annual reports. I recently read the Dept of Edu website.

Can you get the headteacher to explain the school's parental involvement policy to you both verbally and in writing?

Can you approach the relevant teachers and ask them specific questions, like can you help my child to write her surname or to add two and two?

Questions like, what do you do all day? are pretty difficult to answer.

Well, this is the thing. I would say that DD1 can pretty much read now - not fluently, that will come with practise, but she uses reading as her main method of taking on information, reads to her baby sister and so on. But we have had no info apart from this being average for reception (?), no indication of how we can help her be more fluent etc.

To me, she is doing well at maths, but we have no indication of if she is or not, what we should be working on, etc. The school just say that children should be able to count to ten, which I would hope most children can.

I'm not all that concerned, as I know that DD1 is coming along from where she was, but it drives me mad that she is away for hours a day and I only have sketchy ideas of what she does. It feels wrong - I am her mother, I should be the co-ordinator of what goes on, at least when she is this small, not some kind of tea chef and bedtime supervisor.

Well, I agree with you completely. If the school has an open door policy then go into the school and spend some time watching the children there reading and counting. Then you'll know for yourself.

If you feel like it do have a look at my thread, What to do with a three year old, because it addresses a related issue. I'm teaching my daughter myself because I'm afraid that her school won't be able to explore her academic potential. It's self avowedly not an academically focussed primary. Unlike its neighbouring primaries who are.

I'm the one who decides how well she's reading. I choose the books. I make the sums and she also uses real money in shops. So I already know how well she's doing. She can either buy the comic in the news agent or she can't. The children are yours. So ultimately you are the co-ordinator. Well, in fact you're the parent! So the pace of her education is in reality a matter for you.

she's 4?? shes's in Reception..........take a deep breath and relax.

FWIW my oldest is now 11 (YR6) and I still don't' really hear much from him about what he does all day (|youngest is also 4 in YR)

Personally I wouldn't worry much about what the other children can and can't do or can and can't read. I'm interested in my daughter. I'm not worried about other people's children. I simply need to be happy about what my daughter can and can't do. And I'll judge that for myself by watching her doing it.

At DD's school they have open mornings occasionally so parents can go in and observe classes, watch their children being taught etc. Her teacher has said parents are welcome to call in any time to discuss progress, and see what goes on. I don't have any concerns at the moment but it is reassuring to know that if you do have any worries/concerns about their progress then you can go in to the classroom.

Could you suggest some things to school that would make you feel more involved.

eg a session for parents that explains how they teach phonics and maths and what they would like parents to do eg sign the reading book every day to say they have read.

An A4 sheet home every term setting out what topics they are covering,

DD's school does this and I find it helpful.

School may have tried in the past and stopped due to lack of turn out. But if you express interest they may be willing to try again.

I also attend the weekly assembly that is open to parents/grandparents. I appreciate not everyone can do this but it is a good opportunity to see the school as a whole and what the children are achieving eg some read poems out, they give certificates out that children gain out of school, you can observe how your child is compared to peers - does she sit and listen etc.

Learnandsay - beleive me, if I could HE I would in a shot. We have the books etc, we used to go to the groups, but my health doesn't alliw it.

Tbh, we aren't all that out of touch, but we volunteer at the school and, because of the HE possibility in the past, we know more than most about education. It just seems odd that we have to keep asking and investigating, as if it is a secret and we are secondary to the whole thing, rather than being the people who have chosen to send our child to a school for part of her education.

And why is it that, any time anyone mentions they want to know how their child is doing at school, they get all this 'ooh, just let the school deal with it, it doesn't matter, you are obviously really pushy and not letting your child do fun things' stuff? What is wrong with wanting to find out what whether my child is struggling or disproportionatly behind in one area, or if they are particulary enjoying and/or doing welk at something? The teacher has 30 kids to watch, and her own life to deal with. I have two children, so I feel I should keep an eye out for them.

As someone who did generally ok, but was made utterly miserable by the fact that I struggled in some isolated areas, and nobody at home did anything, I know how each child needs looking out for. I only ever got any attention if I was naughty - good results were briefly acknowledged then ignored, because apparently 'happiness' is bound up in things I find boring like tv and sports.

My mum actually told me recently that I shouldn't teach my child to read as she should just be happy. As if reading is an unpleasant activity instead of the best thing in the world. Why is learning always seen as a bad thing?

My daughter keeps saying she hates school because they don't do anything. She must do something, AIBU to want to know what?

Have you asked for this information and been refused it? Unless that is the case I don't see how you can accuse the school of secrecy and treating it as 'classified information.' Not sure what you mean by 'not school work' - if they are in YR surely you don't expect them to be sitting at desks reading and writing all day?

Maybe your dd doesn't do at school all the things she can do at home? Our school encourage us to bring in pictures, stories, models etc that have been done at home as it enables the teachers to see that the child has talents that they may be unaware of. Doesn't help me as all ds likes to do at home is turn the furniture upside down to make 'dinosaur world' or 'the ice age'!

I should be the co-ordinator of what goes on, at least when she is this small, not some kind of tea chef and bedtime supervisor.

Like you, I would love to be a fly-on-the-wall in ds's classroom and see what he does all day. However, that's because I am curious about the side of him he shows at school which I'm sure must be different from how he is at home. It's not because I don't trust his teachers, and that's what comes across from your post. I do find your comment above very odd. How can you co-ordinate the school day when you are not there? Why don't you trust the people who have been trained to do this task to do it? Why do you not see cooking for and putting your child to bed, and all the other things you must do at home, as valuable? Maybe HE is the way forward if this is how you feel?

Sorry, the 'not school work' was what dd said.

I think I'm not getting across what I want to say very well tbh. I do trust the school, if I didn't she wouldn't be there.

I think I'm mostly just missing her, and her being upset doesn't help :-(

I see what you mean, it must be hard if she is coming home upset. It's just that in your OP you focused on her academic progress and it seems unlikely that she is upset, at 4, because she doesn't feel she is progressing with reading and writing - though it sounds like she is from yuor second post.

I would definitely arrange a meeting with the teacher if my ds was consistently unhappy about school.

I hope you get to the bottom of what is upsetting her soon.

I know exactly how you feel. My dd is 7 now, but I can remember so clearly how I felt when she started school.

I went from knowing everything - nursery would let me know what she had eaten, what they had done that day etc. etc., to knowing nothing. There was no induction for parents to say what the structure of the day was, no weekly plan of what they would be covering that week - or at least an idea would have been helpful, we could always then do something connected or discuss it at home.

The only time we had feedback was at parents eve. twice a year. We weren't even allowed in the classroom, not on the first day of school, or after, we waited outside the door on both drop off and pick up. To make it worse, the blinds in reception were never opened, so you couldn't even see them in class when we went to pick up.

Honestly, I felt she had been 'ripped' from me and thrust into this weird world, that I had no knowledge of and I expect this is excatly how you are feeling. You don't know if they eat at lunchtime, whether anyone helps, what is the structure of lunchtimes - trying to get information from a 4 year old is impossible!

I asked the teacher for more information, but they just said it wasn't school policy to issue work plans to parents, I didn't want that, just an idea of what she was doing!, but I didn't want to make a fuss and be 'that' parent!

One way, I did find out a bit more, was doing some role play at home, playing schools using her toys as the children and she was the teacher, I found out they had 'group worship' in the morning and that they had a Black Cloud if they were naughty!! I also found out they had time in various areas during the day - construction area, art area, home corner etc., and that the teacher would read a book at the end of the day.

I suppose if you have already gone through the system with one child, you may know this, but I hadn't and didn't, when I got her reading book and the notebook with it, I had no idea that I had to write and comment in it - no one told me!!!

It does get better, as they get older and you start to talk to mums and hear a bit more. However, do go and talk to the teacher and tell her your concerns, I so wish I had made more of it now....

Not all schools are like this, some give great feedback and little newsletters each week saying what they have done and opportunities to go in - Ours didn't and it was 'outstanding'!

Hope it gets easier, try talking to other mums, that really helps too.

I felt like that when DS (now Y2) started. Also, I felt he was not ready to go to school aged 4 and was therefore seeing the teacher every couple of weeks with some worry.

I am a bit more used to it now, but still, I am quite sure now that he was too young and would have benefited from a later start (silly behaviour, not ready to read/do maths). His R teacher was lovely, but his Y1 teacher I felt didn't want to say anything remotely negative, his report was just a list of what he could do (I was trying to read between the lines but didn't really succeed).

Now in Y2, I was worried about his maths and asked the school what he does and what level he is working at, but didn't get a straight answer. I moaned about that on another thread and most of you said that this is not the norm.