5 yr old dd told another child she would kill her!!

[peppajay]

I have just had a phone call off another mum saying my dd told her dd she would kill her if she didn't tell her, her aunties name.

Have checked and my DD did say this, she is very good at telling me the truth coz she knows she is bigger trouble if she lies. She knows it is a bad word and says she is very sorry and she is now convinced she is going to prison I am making her believe the police are coming for her at 7pm just to make her realise what she did was very naughty!!

I have spoke to the other mum and said dd is very sorry and she is being punished but the other mum is furious and says my child and her child should never speak again and she will be going to school on monday to ask them to keep my evil dd away from her dd. I asked my dd where she heard this word and she said the boys at playtime. One of the other children from school is having a party tomorrow and I have just had a text from the mum of this child saying as punishment for what she did to her friend she is not welcome at the party tomorrow!! (these 2 parents are best friends!!)

She has said she is sorry and is here cowering now convinced police are coming for her. I am very sorry for the other child and shocked my child said this she is only 5 but now she is being punished by another parent.

Do I get involved ot just don't take her to party tomorrow to really make her realise what she has done bu I don't actually think this other parent should get involved!!

My goodness me! I am a Y2 teacher and children say things like this all the time! What should have happened is that the upset child should have told the teacher, who should have told both girls what a ridiculous thing to say it was. Clearly, unless there has been a case of repeated and systematic bullying of this other girl by your child, there is no need to be upset by a comment. It's not true and obviously she is not going to kill her, but she should apologise and realise it's not an appropriate thing to say.

Your reaction and the other mother's reaction is pretty infantile though. Was this a one-off incident?

I think you should apologise to your daughter to threatening her with the police. Tell her that she is below the age of criminal responsiblity. You can tell her that if she made death threats to someone as adult then the police would get involved.

Five year olds make silly mistakes. I feel its sad that there is not a bit of compassion from the other adults. It is awful for her to be ostratised from a different child's party because of something silly she did in the heat the moment. I feel that the adults should be ashamed of themselves for treating a small child like that. Unlike a five year old adults do not have the excuse of immaturity.

The punishment is disportionate to the crime. As a different poster said, if a five year old boy did this no one would bat an eyelid.

If I was you I would write a letter to the other mum letting her know her feelings. I hope a mumsnetter with better literacy skills could help you.

I feel that this childish matter is none of the other mum's business. It is a matter for the two families and prehaps the school. Especially as the behaviour of the other mum is tantamount to an adult using her social connections to bully a five year old.

Just forget about it. Don't get involved with the other mums. Take your daughter out instead. The kids will most likely be best buddies again soon so there's no point having an argument with the other parents that will leave you feeling like shite.

How ridiculous. My normally angelic, eager to please and helpful dd told a boy she would 'kill his mum.' She was 5. When her teacher told me I was mortified (as was dd!) She has never said anything of the kind again - it was just silly childish behaviour.

How about this for the letter:

Dear X,

I would like to apologise for dd's recent behaviour, which was out of character for her.

However, I was extremely disappointed that dd was uninvited to the party. She was really looking forward to having fun with her friends. I'm not sure how to explain to a little five year old that she is no longer welcome, due to a silly, childish comment on her part.

As I'm sure you are aware, five year olds do not have the reasoning capacity or maturity of a fully grown adult. Occasionally, they will say things they neither mean, nor understand the significance of. As the parent, I have made sure that dd knows that her words were wrong.

However, I feel that ostracising a small child from her peer group is taking things too far. DD is sorry for her behaviour, but she is a little child, who is simply devastated not to be able to play with her friends.

I hope we can work this out in an adult and mature manner,

Yours,

Peppajay

Agree with the comment about double-standards. Also shocked at all of the adults' overreaction.

Thanks for all your comments. Spoke to the party girls mum last night and she apologized for getting involved and my dd can go the party. Am popping round to the other little girls house with a sorry card later!! But I am not grovelling she has said sorry and she didn't mean it kids do say things the thing is her little girl takes so much to heart and gets really worried but I think her mother making such a big deal doesn't help. I think I probably over reacted too and a really good comment was if it was boys no one would bat an eyelid!!

I have one in Y1 and one in nursery (almost school age) and know for a fact that talk of "I'm going to kill you" is widespread in both year groups. The school might say that it's not a nice thing to say, but I would really doubt they would give out a punishment.

Missing a party - well that other mother is outrageously rude and naive re what goes on at school.

Mother of child who had this said to them - get a grip and tell child it was not meant literally and toughen up. (my 3yo girl has had boys say this to her and she just shrugs it off).

You, OP - have punished your DD a bit to severely for just repeating what a boy said. All that was needed was: DD, you have said this, it has hurt someone's feelings and it's not a nice thing to say.

....and we wonder why our children turn out like they do....

Op- glad your child can go to the party. Hope that can be an end to it. I might have a word with the teacher and put her in the picture, as the other mother frankly sounds like a madster, and if she is going into school on Monday,I'd make bloody sure I got there first with my side of the (non)story.

And don't threaten your child with the police again. Children need to grow up thinking the police are a force for good.

Agree with what Bucharest just said, glad to hear the adults have calmed down. :)

Good grief!

I can't believe parents can be so cruel! Do these parents know ANYTHING about 5-year-olds????

They say these sort of things all the time because they use what they hear, NOT necessarily understanding the meaning behind it.

Quite frankly, I think OP you should ignore these parents (they are obviously not worth bothering with - especially if they react so oddly about their children. Was she really thinking that a 5-year-old little girl was going to kill her daughter?!?) These parents are likely going to calm down within a few weeks, hopefully see the error of their over reaction and you'll find they'll slowly start speaking to you again.

If it was me, I'll let them come out of their 'childish temper tantrum' in their own good time. Speak to them when spoken to, but subtly resist temptation for 'daughter' to accept invitations to parties, outings and vice versa ever again.

Once a parent has reacted in such a way, they'll probably do it again! I know al parents think their children are precious but seriously, OTT!!!