When rough play is no longer fun

[littlesue]

DS started school in Sept and is an only child. He is good natured and although enjoys playing tag, running, play fighting etc is not aggressive and we have had a few instances of rough and tumble turning into fights with two children hitting him in the face and kicking at school during playtime. These two children also hit another child we know and his mum has complained about them, who on their own would not act this way, but together they bring out the worst in each other.

DS just takes it and doesn't know how to react as he does not have the benefit of having fights with siblings. I think he is in shock as that sort of behaviour was nipped in the bud at nursery and seen as not acceptable.

There are obviously not enough teachers supervising and he has told the teacher but I guess unless they witness it they cannot do anything. I understand it's part of childhood but apart from telling him to tell the teacher what else can I do. Enrol him in karate/boxing lessons? Stay away from these two boys? But unfortunately, they follow him round like a bad smell. He has become quite angry and now wants to go to a different school because he says x, y and z hit him during playtime. This morning he had a little cry and said he was scared. Does he just need to toughen up and get use to it because boys will be boys?

You need to speak to his teacher and outline all of the above. It should be easily sorted.

There have been similar things at DS's school - once the teachers knew about it they were really good at sorting it out, making sure the ones that were hitting didn't follow others around, etc. I'd have a word with the teachers. Boys do sometimes play roughly but they shouldn't be hitting and upsetting others.

I already have spoken to the teacher about another hitting incident with an older boy. Pretty sure I will be known as a pest if I keep complaining. Surely this happens all the time as some boys don't know they've overstepped the mark without adult intervention. DH thinks I molly coddle him too much as he's an only child and he needs to toughen up. If it's not these 2 kids it'll be another kid. When did primary school get so scary - wasn't expecting this until secondary school.

Well, if this was happening with DS2 I would be kicking up stink, and I am a shouty mother who tolerates no wimpy whinging!

Thanks - I'm definitely going to speak to his teacher (again). I'm hardly at school as I work full-time so the only times she sees me is when I want to complain.

Remind him to tell the staff on duty every single time something happens. Children sometimes report different things to different adults so they are not always aware that it's an ongoing problem.

I don't think you are molly-coddling him, he is entitled to feel safe at school and I am sure his teacher would rather know if he is still having trouble. This kind of thing is covered in PSHE and is very common but, still, inappropriate behaviour. The children need to learn to play carefully together so your son is right to complain and raise the issue.

Bear in mind, though, that he might sometimes be a little rough himself, or not handle the conflicts well so he will have some learning to do too.

I had the same littlesue when ds2 started in reception. Boys he thought were really good friends of his suddenly had the freedom to be much rougher than nursery allowed. It has taken time for the school to deal with it but they are settling down now (yr2).

The problem isn't helped by some mums thinking that they're just being boys. I have actually heard one of the mums saying she's called all the time by the school, but she obviously thinks that's normal.

My advice would be to speak to the school every time it happens and as fairenuff says get your ds to tell the staff too, at the time it happens. This way the school can monitor the boys who need to learn to be less physical. You won't be the only one complaining about the same boys, believe me.

also, have a look on the 'one child' thread - think this subject has cropped up there before.