Would you have gone to get him or not ???

[TheOriginalNutcracker]

Ds's teacher just rung to say he has been complaining of chest pains this morning. She said she wasn't sure if it was an anxiety thing, or a physical thing.
It is an anxiety thing, which ds and school do already know.

Anyway, she said that he had been quite quiet today and wouldn't tell anyone what was wrong.

I know what's wrong and so do they, he wants to be anywhere but school.

The school know all of this already. Ds is on an iep for several things including low confidence and self esteem and is seeing camhs on monday for thos eissues plus anger problems.

School said they wanted to know if i wanted to collect him or if I was happy to leave him for the rest of the day. I have said leave him, but now i feel really guilty.

What would you have done ??

He is in yr 4 btw.

It's a really difficult question - but if you think its the anxiety issues, I agree, I think I would have left him. Otherwise he'll end up 'ill' every day and home when its really because he doesn't want to be there.

I hope you get some help that makes a postive difference from CAMHS

I think I would have left him. The teacher will be keeping an eye on him I'm sure.
Of course you will worry now until you get him. Try not too.
Good luck on Monday. I hope all goes well.

Thank you. He has already had monday off this week, because he said he was ill and yet he was fine.

I have my fingers crossed for Monday too

I would have left him at school too.

Hope all goes well with CAHMs

CAHMs are amazing. They were very helpful for my DS and he is now back on track. Obviously there was a massive culmination of things, but CAHMs being there for him made a huge difference.

I wouldnt have gone to get him either.

Good luck with your appt at Cahms.

I think I would have left him too. And then just tried to help him with the issues at home. It's good that you and the school seem to be working together and they called you to ask you. Unless you're prepared to teach him at home then he has to realise that school is just part of life.

FWIW my daughter was like this all last year (Yr1) when she was really struggling (and aware of it) with her reading. School was not very helpful on the pastoral side and implied she had separation anxiety which was boll**s - she just wasn't happy at school. I was almost ready to start home schooling... Over the summer I crossed my fingers and just did some extra work with her to build her confidence with her reading (v. easy books!) and phonics work and this term she is MUCH happier. OK, also a different teacher so that may have something to do with it, but you can't change that.

How long has this been going on for him? Yr 4 is quite grown up in terms of being able to talk to him about it. Can he say why he doesn't like school? Which parts does he like? Maybe he feels he's there ALL THE TIME and it could help to do special things at home in the morning (10 mins playing Yahtzee, jigsaws reading to him etc) and then show him just how much time at school is spent at playtime, having lunch etc and that lessons are just part of the day?

That's good to hear Jax. Thankfully we didn't have to wait too long to be seen.

I just wish I knew where his problems are coming from. I started him at a local drama group to improve his confidence and he is loving that. The teacher there can't believe that he is having these type of problems, because he is absolutly fine there.

At home he is a funny, talkative little lad, but can go from fine to furiously angry in a second, tashing his room and screaming and shouting.

At school he is distracted and falling behind.

Has the year change made things any worse, or better, or no difference?

He has hated school since yr1. He really really struggles to focus on work and then he gets behind. He also now says that he doesn't understand the work.
Trying to do homework with him is a mamouth task as it takes so so long.

He takes friendships very seriously and a slight falling out can really effect him and his work.

If you ask him why he doesn't like school he will say it is boring and too hard and he'd rather stay at home. He just doesn't ever seem to have got used to the idea that he has to be there.

I can't home school him because I am a lone parent and on job seekers.

He was slightly better last year when he had a male teacher, but then as soon as he went back in Sept he was back to square one.

I wasn't suggesting that you do home school him - I think it must take a genius with the patience of a saint :o . Only that somehow you need to get to the bottom of this for his sake.

It sounds as though he's frustrated and despondant about the work - is he making progress? If homewirk is taking sooo long, then surely it's too difficult for him and working at an 'easier' level would help him consolidate what he has learnt and build his confidence. Could you ask the school about this? What does he find hardest - the literacy element, or maths? Maybe just tackle one thing at a time?

Lol, yes I agree, and i certainly do not have enough patience for that.

At the moment he is struggling with numeracy the most. As the questions get more long winded, he just gets lost along the way. I have tried the schools methods, and my own and he just switches off.

I always tell him when we will be doing homework, because springing it on him makes it a thousand times wose, but even then, it sets off a huge tantrum and takes so so long to do that it is painful for me and him.
I also can;t leave him to do it, at all. I have to sot right there, else as soon as i get up he stops.

School have made a couple of changes to how he is being taught certain things like times tables but in all honesty, it has made no difference.

Have you tried some of the maths websites?

these are good but the same thing is true - if they are too hard then they do tend to switch off and give up.

My DC also like having a list or timetable that they can tick off when they're done eg. Mondays = 20 mins computer maths
Tuesdays= 1 page (of appropriate WHSmith) maths book
Wednesdays = cooking ( something that involves weighing, so maybe choosing a pudding recipe / cake - you can look online for good one)
Thursday = number games like Soduku

I wouldn't expect him yet to do it on his own - maybe find something yo can sit and do alongside him so that if e needs your help you're there.

Thank's better.

We have tried a couple of sites, but as soon as he gets something wrong, he shuts down and won't continue.

We have also tried timetables and reward charts, but after a couple of days he just says that he doesn't care about them, or getting a reward and comes to a complete stop again.

I am sat willing 3 o clock to arrive quicker now, so that I can fetch him lol.

Hmmm... I agree by Yr4 they are not much interested in reward charts (baby stuff :o), but they ARE interested in the feeling that what they are doing is worthwhile. He will only feel it's worthwhile if the amount of effort he is prepared to put in is actually getting results that he can see. ie maths starts to make sense to him and then doesn't feel so scary that he needs to avoid it. The only way to do that is start with stuff he CAN do and work onwards. Maybe take him with you to choose a workbook that he likes the look of? Expect that he is not going to be exactly overjoyed at this prospect!

Only thing I can suggest is to consistently let him know that:

• school is not optional
• you are on his side and will help him
• but he needs to get involved too - avoiding it is not going to make it any easier - make a deal!

Good ideas there, thank's better.

I will take him to choose a book at the weekend. Might mke it a very easy one to start with, as when he gets things right it really does help him along.