Not sure how to tell ds1 how to deal with being bullied

[CHST]

DS1 started reception in september and we had a few settling in problems but it started going well. Now for the past few days he has been crying again in the mornings and asking to come home/complaining of a tummy ache. I questioned him about the crying today and it seems there has been an ongoing problem.

Now I'm not sure how much of this is just boys being boys and how PFB I am being but I have been getting complaints several times a week from ds about him being pushed, pinched and scratched by the same boy. Indeed, DS has come home before once with a change of clothes as he had been pushed into a puddle, twice with scratch marks down the side of his face and today he complained of his side hurting where he had been pinched all afternoon.

My son and this boy have been separated at times in class for being silly but that is all I have been made aware of. I have never been told of a problem at all so I sort of left it and didn't mention anything but it seems to be getting more frequent.

Now I am sure my son is not the perfect angel but I do know that he just stands there and takes it and doesn't fight back. I am not sure how to handle things. I just know that I want this to stop and I don't want my son to hate going to school. I have a parents' evening tomorrow and want to bring it up with the teacher but don't know how. Of course, she doesn't have eyes in the back of her head and can't see everything, probably doesn't want to hear my son tittle tattling every five minutes either. How do I tell my son to handle it? Whilst I think telling the teacher is okay in reception, beyond that I feel he needs to stand up for himself. I did tell him to tell this boy to stop it but it is not working.

Sorry for the long post and thanks for reading. Any advice would be greatly received

Hi CHST,
Sorry you are having these problems. I would definitely bring it up with the teacher tomorrow. In my experience she is very good at dealing with these sort of problems. Dd1 was being quite intimidated by a bigger boy in the class when she started reception and the teacher (same one as you have) dealt with it really well - now dd1 and this boy are best of friends. I would approach it pretty much in the same way as you have here by saying "Ds1 isn't happy about coming to school at the moment and he seems to have a problem dealing with X's behaviour. I know he's not always completely innocent, however he's coming home with marks on him and it is making him upset. Do you have any suggestions?"
I think the best thing you can say to DS1 it to say "No" really loudly and clearly, so it attracts attention from the adults around.
I am going to PM you as I have just spoken to dd2 about how the boys behave in her class and I think you might be interested in her reply....

It's possible that the other boy is too rough and is doing it because your ds doesn't object.
Could it be possible that your ds is equally rough?

Can your ds object loudly? A firm "Don't hit me!" should get the attention of any nearby adult who may not be watching and make the other child stop.

Either way I think you need to talk to the teacher to find out what is actually going on. At the schools that mine have been to, they have had rules like "Kind hands" meaning that hands are not for physically hurting others. I think it would be handy for you to find out the wording of the rules so that your son knows that it's wrong when someone hurts him and you can reinforce the rule at home if necessary.

I think this is a bit more serious than 'boys being boys' if he is coming home with scratches on his face or if he is still sore in the evening.

You must bring it up with the teacher. I would second all the advice that that Runoutofideas has given.

They have actually been talking about bullying in assembly and my son has been talking about kind hands and kind feet. I do not doubt that my son could be boisterous in the playground but nothing particularly rough. I know that he does generally stand back and take it as I have seen this in action before in other situations. He does say that he tells this boy to stop but he doesn't listen to him and carries on. I will definitely be bringing it up with the teacher tomorrow to see whether there is more to this and how my son has been behaving

thanks for your words