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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Party etiquette?

12 replies

gabid · 23/11/2011 10:11

Weeks ago DS (6) has been invited to a birthday party at a local hall. I assume most of the class are going. DS was happy and excited about it so I told the boy's mum that DS was coming.

Now the party is next weekend and DS started saying that he didn't want to go. DS doesn't like crowds and lots of noise. He has done that before, all excited about a party and on the day he didn't want to go. I told him that we accepted the invitation and now have to go.

Would you make him?

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redskyatnight · 23/11/2011 12:09

I would encourage him to go - maybe say I would stay for a while. Then you can see if he does settle down - if he is really unhappy, you can always make your apologies and leave early.

Catsdontcare · 23/11/2011 12:11

I think at 6 he's old enough to understand that you should follow through if you've accepted an invitation. As a compromise agree to stay at the party with him and tell him he he has the option to leave after one hour if he is really unhappy.

ceebeegeebies · 23/11/2011 12:12

I would persuade him to go but say you will stay there with him (not much fun I know ) and as the previous poster has said, you can always make excuses and leave early if necessary.

I guess I always think that they will never get used to these things if they are not exposed to them.

academyblues · 23/11/2011 12:34

DD is a bit like this. She doesn't like noise, lots of people, anything unpredictable etc and likes the idea of parties in the abstract more than the actual event.

I'd incentivise him with reminders about cake etc and tbh I would stay. 6 is still very young. I'd be prepared to leave early though.

DD finds it easier if we get somewhere early then things build up rather than plunging into the middle of chaos. Maybe try that?

LizzieMo · 23/11/2011 12:41

My 6 yr old is like this, I never get to leave!!! I would encourage him to go, as others said he needs to get used to it somehow!!! Explain to the parent of the birthday child that your Ds gets easily overwhelmed and you may need to leave early. I always let mine choose when to leave, if they are feeling enough is enough then that's fine, off we go.

Catsdontcare · 23/11/2011 14:08

I think academyblues' idea of getting there early whilst it's quieter is a really good one

Original poster

gabid · 23/11/2011 14:23

Thank you, yes, I did say to him that if he accepts an invitation he really needs to go. One of us would stay anyway, we have never left him at a party. And I did say to him that he could leave after the food. Getting there early would probably be good too.

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cat64 · 23/11/2011 18:02

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Elibean · 23/11/2011 18:13

dd1 is exactly like that. She's nearly 8 now, and still tends to get cold feet en route to parties.

Yes, I would gently explain that once we've said yes its very disappointing for the host if you don't go....I've sometimes said to dd that we have to at least go for a little while, and give X their present, but that if she's really unhappy she doesn't have to stay the whole way through. Most times, she's been ok once there - but once (it was mostly boys, they were mostly playing football, and she was waaaay out of her comfort zone - plus end of year and she was exhausted) I did make excuses for her and bring her home early, as she was clearly miserable/tearful and possibly not very well.

Its hard for those who hate crowds and noise - I do understand them, tbh - but at the same time an important lesson, if only in thinking harder before accepting invites!

Eggrules · 23/11/2011 21:32

I agree with Elibean, I would go and leave early if required. I think it is OK to chat over the next invitation and make excuses if he really doesn't fancy it. It is supposed to be fun. Chat things over after the party to consider what he enjoyed and was worried about.

I am in the middle of getting things sorted for a party this weekend. I really would have been fine for someone to decline without a reason and it would not have put me off inviting them again.

I hope he enjoys it a bit.

letmehelp · 23/11/2011 22:05

Yes, by that age if they've accepted to invitation they should go. I agree with Eggrules, that unless it's avery small party/your DS is a special friend the host is unlikely to mind, but that's not the point - he's not too young to start learning that once you've made a commitment you stick to it.

FWIW, I think you'll find that if you can be brave enough to leave him, he'll be much better. I don't think many 6yo's parties will have parents staying TBH and IME (DS1 was like your DS) once parents leave, the children just get on with enjoying themselves.

Original poster

gabid · 24/11/2011 19:03

Thanks again! The last party DS got cold feet was at a soft play area and he clung to two boys and just wanted to run around with them (he does that to make himself feel more secure, I guess), but it backfired as after a while they tried to run away from him and ended up teasing him. The host noticed and I was glad I was there. He was 5 at the time. DS just doesn't seem to be himself and looks for security in a friend in such a situation. But, yes, he was excited to go and we will go. Dad will be there and if he wants to leave early that's OK. Its a good idea to warn the host though.

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