Should twins stay together at school

[justj]

I am enroling my twin girls in our catchment school*. They will go in august when they are 4. (5 in November).

They are non identical. they like to be togther but don't 'need' to be together. They are at nursery where they sometimes play together and somtimes not. These days they are both confident and neither is particularly dominant all the time. They have pretty similar intellectual abilities and both are pretty sociable. Yet they do have very different personalities.

Assuming the school has more than one class, should I ask for them to go into the same class or not? my inclination is to have them in the same class for p1 and then see how they go. I asked them what they would like and typically one said together and the other said separate.

Am I just being sentimental worrying about them being apart?

Do any parents of multiple, multiples or teachers out there have any opinions on twins- separate or together?

TIA
J

(*we live in scotland- slightly different rules around school admission we don't do all the 1st choice stuff- kids usually go to a catchment school)

Prehaps you should ask the opinon of their nursery teacher. Every child is different and what is right for one set of twins isn't necessarily right for a different family.

"my inclination is to have them in the same class for p1 and then see how they go"

You probably answered your own question as you know your children best.

We seperated ours.

We talked about going into separate classes all summer. So by the time we got to September, they were used to the idea.

They adjusted straight away and love it - both hugely tribal about the class they belong to!

They see each other at play time - so are not separated all day.

I think it is very important for their individuality. Not for their sense of individuality - they have a very strong sense of who they are. But for the way that others see them. In Nursery, the Head never knew their names, they werr often called "the twins" etc etc.

You may find that your school has a general policy about putting twins into separate classes if possible. I have identical twins and was keen for them to go into separate classes to ensure they were recognised as individuals and not lumped together as 'the twins' all the time. Our school's policy is to separate them, but would have considered our wishes if we'd wanted to keep them together. For the most part, I have been happy with this decision, but there are pros and cons:

They are definitely treated as individuals and there is less comparison of their abilities in school (although they are quite similar, so have ended up in the same sets when the classes are merged for certain lessons).

In Y1 last year, they had very different experiences - DT2's teacher was very harsh and unused to teaching such young children and consequently she had a difficult year emotionally, although progressed well academically. DT1's initial teacher was much better with younger children, but was constantly ill and ended up leaving at the end of the spring term so she had a very unsettled year both emotionally and academically. We came very close to asking for DT2 to be moved into DT1's class because of her teacher but were persuaded not to. But this can be an issue as you will have a clear comparison between two teachers' methods and abilities.

They have developed their own circle of friends although they do still play together quite a bit in the playground, which is great - they have the support of their sister being close by but are not wholly dependent on her.

Because they have different circles of friends, we end up with quite large birthday parties . Not necessarily a problem, but whereas with our older DD, she has a few friends round for a party at our house, we couldn't fit the same number of friends for each DT in the house.

I believe separating them has helped them become stronger emotionally (although this took a while). I also think that they are better friends outside school, because they are not together all the time in school.

Despite any issues we've had, I still feel that separating them is the right thing to do.

tkband3 makes a good point about comparing them.

Last year, when they were in nursery together, the parents evening got a bit muddled flitting between each of the twins. and most of the discussions had an underlying comaprison theme.

Now they have a teacher each - and we can talk about them as individuals with the teacher.

I have non-identical twin brothers & my mum always insisted they were in separate classes at school. I don't really know why but I think she was keen they get treated as individuals. I think she & they were always happy with this situation.

Your own situation will be unique but you'll get an idea of what's right for you all.

Good luck.

I'd talk to the school before you start trying to make a decision in your head. Schools sometimes have a policy of separating, or not (easier for parents' evenings etc) and if you've decided one way is best for your twins, then it could be very difficult if they say they will do it the other way.

My twins go to different schools (no 2 form entry schools in area and didn't do well in same class). Since being seperate they are very much individuals in school and its worked well all round. But if they were different personalities I don't think this would have worked. My 2 have never done well, even in nursery, when they've been in at the same time all week.

Thanks for your feedback.

At nursery they are used to have different key workers so I suppose that means I always get separate feedback about them. However, because they are so different (DT1 curly redhead, loves princesses and Dt2 straight brown hair wants to be a pirate) I don't think there wil be much of an issue with them being lumped together.

Experience so far seems to suggest that separation is the norm.

anyone got experience of keeping them together?

My dd has identical twins in her class. As there are 2 classes they could have been put in different classes but they weren't. It seems to work well for them and they are regarded as individuals. The classes are very small though with only 9 children in each so that probably helps.

It is a long, long time ago but my twin brother and I were in the same class until the start of Junior School. We were then streamed and I was in a higher stream to my brother. I was really upset at being taken away from my brother but he could not have cared less! If I had twins now I would separate them from the start if possible. As you are in Scotland a Junior School separation is not possible. My twin nephews (identical) are in separate classes, they have radically different personalities.

I honestly think that if they can go to different classes in same year that's what I'd do. That way they get to develop into their own environment as individuals. They'll still be able to play out together if they want to.

At our school it is up to the parents. DD1 has three sets of twins in her year, two of which are separated and one of which are in the same class. I am good friends with the mum of one of the separated sets - she wanted them in different classes because one was much more academic than the other and she didn't want the less academic one to feel inferior. It has worked well.

DD2 has two sets of twins, both separated but one twin has now moved into her brother's class because she found it too hard to be separated from him. However, I think it would be hard to have them both in the same class for a year and then move one to another class - s/he would be leaving all his/her friends as well as the DT.

Like stromnessdundee I was in the same class with my twin. I found settling into High School on my own very difficult. If I had twins I would have separated them from the off. My DS spends a lot of time with the other reception class

I would speak to your dds key workers and school.

I have Id twins, they have just started in a one form entry reception so they are together.

It is working out fine, they stuck together alot at the start but now are happy to play seperately and work in different groups. They have coped fine when one has been at school and the other off for a hospital appt.

I think i would have kept them together even if given the choice, they have not spent much time apart so think it would have been really tough for them to have been seperated when they started. They are summer born so only just 4 when they started school.

They do get on very well though, seem to have similar abilities and neither is more reliant on the other. I may have looked for a 2 form entry school if that was not the case. I dont worry about thier individuality, although they look the same they are very different little girls with strong personalities!

Some schools mix classes in year 1, I think that would be my ideal world scenario if I had a choice. A year together then in seperate classes. I dont know if that would work if they didnt mix all the classes though as it would be difficult to remove 1 twin from her friendship groups and her sister at once.

Personally I would not go for a school that had a "policy". To split or not should be judged on an individual basis. there is some useful info on the TAMBA website.

Our school is very small, one class mixed reception and Yr1, so my B/G twins started together this year. We haven't seen any issues yet. They seemed quite reassured going in together for the first week or so, which I think helped, but rapidly made their own friends.

Judging from parents evening things are going well. They started looking to each other for reassurance at the beginning but that's passed. The teacher was great at discussing them individually, better than me TBH. And they're not fighting in class, which was my biggest worry.

I think really it depends on each family, they're two individuals at the end of the day. I'd have opted not to split if there had been a choice but that's based on my two.

I have non ID girls (who are now in Year 6) and our two form school's policy was to separate which me and DH agreed on. One of them took a long time to settle in though and I do wonder if she would have been better in the same class as her sister. Long term however I think it was the right decision as they turned out to be hugely different academically and it would have been hard for DT1 to see her sister doing so well whilst she struggled.

I think you need to decide whether to separate now or stay together and stick to it, we considered a year together, then splitting them but decided it would be too difficult, how would you choose which one leaves their familiar class and friends and 'starts again'. It has to be one or the other from the start IMO.

I have two friends with twins the same ages as my own dc. In both cases the twins were together for Reception, then split for Y1 and thereafter.

Whoops, meant to say that everyone, including the twins, was happy with this arrangement.

From being a twin perspective:

Me and twin sister were in the same class at primart school (no optiom, only one class per year). As i got older, i resented it, and wanted to us to be in separate classes at secondary. My twin didn't want us to be separated, and parents went with her, so we ended up still in the same classes. I hated it, teachers constantly mixed us up - even though we are definitely non-identical. Also there seemed to be constant conparison of us by our peers and teachers, which put extra pressure on.

If i had twins (i don't) then i would put them in different clases if possible, it lets both forge their own identity not linked to birtg order.

I haven't got twins but I would go for separate. I would hate them coming as a pair and people feeling that if they invite one to a birthday party , or to tea, they have to have the other. They have more chance of being treated differently in different classes.

I had to make this decision last year and it is a tough one. Agree with posters who say that the individuality issues are more to do with how other people perceive them, than any issues they have themselves. It's frustrating but a fact of life.

We decided to separate which is working well for one twin but not so well for his usually outgoing brother who is having a really hard time of it. The one who is finding it hard is also in a more difficult class with a couple of children who have behavioural issues, which doesn't help. It's hard to see one floundering when one is thriving, but I have to remember that the alternative could be both of them floundering.

Another issue is that they are very keen now to reinforce their twin identity outside school - dressing in the same clothes, making the same food choices, etc. I think this is understandable and will pass, but it's something I hadn't anticipated.

Definitely this is your decision though. Take advice from the nursery and from the prospective school, but don't take it as gospel. People can have funny ideas about what should and shouldn't be done when it comes to twins.

Thanks all, especially those twins who replied as not being a twin myself but having the responsibility for bringing up twins it is always fascinating to know how other twins feel about their experiences.

took the girls to the school yesterday. the school says policy is to separate but only with the parents agreement and they can be together if we want. the two classrooms are next door, they have the same changing areas and some mixed classes so wouldn't be apart all the time. plus they will go to same after school/child minder on the days I can't pick them up.

their dad prefers together and i'm still swithering as they will have to be separated at some point (and i definitely don't want to leave it to secondary).

In my school we always had two classes per year but the classes were not fixed i.e. they rearranged every year. I'll need to check with school what they do. if they do stay in same form right the way through then I'd be reluctant to move one of them.

their prospective school has a class and a half i.e. a p1 and p1/2 which might mean they are more likely to rearrange as it is not very fair to have the same kids in a mixed class right through school?

sounds like separate works for most people though. we have been kind of preparing them for the idea and when I asked them again they said separate classes although I'm pretty sure they have no idea what a class is.

Thanks again.
j

@chutneypig LOL about not fighting. apparently my two used to crawl across room to attack each other when they started at nursery and we thought they were goping to be like that forever. (dad's sister's twins fought non stop for about 15 years!) To my relief are now fine.

although when they did go through the biting stage they did bite each other once or twice at nursery but at least they never bit anyone else, i suppose (?!?)

Do the classes have names?

Ous school has colours attached to each class. So one is a red and one is an yellow - this helped them to fixate on what class they were going into.

And they have become very tribal about being a "red" and being a "yellow"

I'm a twin (I'm 44!) - me and my brother remained in the same class thoughtout what was infants and juniors then split for the secondary/senior school part. We were in the the same house for sports etc too. From what I can remember, I and he liked that. Obv a loooonnnnggg time ago though!