What can I do to help my child the teacher described at PE as 'a bit nervy'?

[soph252]

Hi there,

Just after some advice really please?

I had parents evening this week and no concerns with where my ds is work wise, all very positive comments.

I was also told he his behaviour is excellent and class participation great.

The only things of slight concern for me, although the teacher didn't seem too worried and mentioned them as brief passing comments were

1 - he has his hand up lots, but only if he knows what he has to say is correct.
2 - he seems a bit nervy

He is a happy, bubbly little boy with friends and with me and familiar people, but with teachers I think he is quiet and nervous and so well behaved because he is literally scared witless of doing anything wrong and getting in trouble.

I think also with his work he is very hard on himself and despite being in mostly top groups never thinks he is doing well. He hates it if he finds anything a little bit tricky and tends to get despondent and upset with himself. He has lots of very confident friends who say everything is easy and debate who is the best etc etc. which doesn't help, but I think fundamentally he obviously has little self-confidence. I always tell him he's done well and that doing his best is all that is important - where have I gone wrong though & what can I do to help him feel more confident in himself and his abilities?

It is just me and him at home, so not lots going on, boundaries are clear and he seems happy and confident generally, mostly well behaved and not scared of being told off by me, so I just don't understand where this has come from - must be my fault though, as his only parent :(

I would lose the emphasis on doing well and trying your best. This in itself can create pressure. Don't mention those words at all for a while.

Instead talk about "did you enjoy xyz?", "what was the best part?", "I remember doing xyz once and I liked 1,2,3 about it" or even "I remember doing that when I was at school and I found 1,2,3 quite hard". This dialogue might encourage him to talk more openly and generally about how he feels without the expectation of having done well or done his best.

Also you can deliberately get a few things 'wrong' and make them seem a bit silly and OK and then move on.

eg. "Look, I just nearly pured orange juice in my tea! Wouldn't that taste funny. Ok milk instead"

Alos maybe some messy play that doesn't have a distinct right way of doing it? String painting, butterfly painting where you fold the paper and see what happens. Also random Lego building rather than following instructions. Even making up a biscuit recipe and then seeing if it is edible? It might taste disgusting but the fun is in the doing, not necessarily in the getting it right IYSWIM...