House points/stars

[laluna]

Ok so our primary employs this system but apparently does not have clear criteria for when they are rewarded. The children receive a certificate in assembly with parents included on achieving 10, 25 and 50 stars. So my DS (yr 1) has been on 8 for weeks now and is one of only three in his class who hasn't made the 10 certificate. He goes on about it - about trying hard etc but it seems to be a case of being overlooked. A fellow mum complained to the head and her dd received 5 that very day! I know that in the scheme of thing it's not a huge deal but I can't sleep tonight and wound up! Advice please?

It's the same old thing in many schools - it basically boils down to if their face doesn't fit - others get points for turning up and having a pulse. You can have a word, but the resulting bolstering of points doesn't have quite the same effect as if they had awarded them without you asking why. As the children point out - its not fair - and they're right. Its not. Competition is good, but not when it affects the childrens self esteem.

I would have a word with the class teacher in a non confrontational way. Tell her that your ds is getting upset by not getting stars, and ask her how she awards them so that you can support his learning at home and explain things clearly to him. Also ask her what his targets are so that you can help him work towards those so that his self esteem isn't damaged by his lack of stars.

I have found over the years, that the best way to deal with teachers and get what you want is to play a bit dumb. It sounds awful and feels false, but when I have had a problem with a teacher I have found the best way of getting my desired outcome is by showing the teacher lots of respect, asking questions to try and undersatnd things rather than telling them that you think they are doing something wrong, and by being lighthearted and almost jokey, even about things that are causing you to lose sleep. It lets them know that you are concerned and have noticed what is going on, and that you will say something if needs be, but without being a problematic parent. Everyone likes their egos to be stroked, even teachers!

I work in a classroom, and I know from experience how hard it can be to make sure points/stickers/stars are given out fairly. You have to make a real effort to remember to include the children who do well, but are fairly quiet and don't do much to get themselves noticed. The teacher (and assistants) should already be making this effort, but there is no harm in reminding them gently that your son deserves his share of regognition for achievement too.

tell your DS to play dumb for a couple of days, then tell him to try hard again and he will get some. My DD4 complained she had no stickers and everyone else got them, so she said she wasn't going to try if she didn't get any stickers. She had 3 days of being a right little sh1t darling and then went back to being miss quiet good little girl that gets overlooked, but she got a sticker each day for the next 4 days. She worked out herself that if you are naughty then behave you get a sticker. She is not the only one to work this out in her reception class and I think the stickers are actually causing more problems than they are worth