other parents don't like my child any advice?

[freddy05]

DD started school in a reception class that was made up of 23 from the school nursery and 7 from the nursery DD had been to. There has been talk in the playground about 'those kids that came from the other nursery' and 'they aren't our kids they are from up there' but I thought that would fade in time. On friday two of the children who came from DD's nursery received certificates of achievement (the first of the year for reception) and had their names in the school newletter DD was one of these.

When I was waiting to pick up DD on Monday I became aware of one mother moving from one parent to the next bad mouthing these kids from the other nursery and my DD by name because they were stealing her daughters friends, getting the rewards, and apparently being really rough with her daughter and not taking turns etc etc. She only stopped when a mother who knew me whispered something to her and she dropped her head and walked away.

Its been paernts evening this week so I got to speak to DD's teacher. She mentioned nothing at all of concern with DD's behaviour and said she was very well settled and making friends. At the end of the meeting I mentioned what I had heard in the yard and asked if there was anything I should be worried about with DD and she said there was absolutely nothing to worry about and DD was no trouble and was a pleasure to have in the class but that a few parents had mentioned their children were upset by changing friendship groups and that they didn't like these new children.

I have spoken to DD about playing with friends and making sure people are involved incase she is unbeknown to her spliting a friendship from last year but is there anythingelse I should be doing? I would be very open to speaking to anyone who has a problem with DD to try and resolve the issues but not sure if I should approach them? If DD's teacher is happy that there isn't an issue should I just ignore the conversations in the playground and trust the people in the classroom?

Any thoughts would be great, it's harder beign a new parent to the playground than I ever remember it being as a child

Ignore the other silly mums, trust the teacher. Give it time, in January the children and parents will probably have settled down.

what a boring life that other mother must lead if she feels she has to bad mouth a 4 year old child to get her kicks!!

ignore her. she isn't worth you stressing over. it sounds like your DD is doing perfectly well in school. dont let this idiot ruin your DD's first year.

just what I needed to hear :)

thankyou

If this is waht is going on from some of the parents, then the school ought to be dealing with any impact that attitude might be having on the children. It goes against most schools' policy on inclusion for all, regardless of ability, gender, race... and which flippin' nursery they went to!

Good grief, they sound like those people in the Slaughtered Lamb (American Werewolf in London) who stop talking and stare because There's A Stranger In The Village

Crumbs that is horrid
I'd keep an eye on it and then casually say loudly to one of your friends in hearing of rotten mum that if any more bullying boldness comes put of her mouth you'll be going to the head

Ignore that horrid woman and pick off one or two of the nicer ones from the 'other' group and invite their child round for a playdate.

Try to avoid sticking to the mums you know to avoid a them and us thingy!

What a pack of bitches!
Ignore, ignore, ignore! Maybe drop a quiet word with the teacher to let her know in case any of the poor children are having the attitude of their parents rubbing off on them and it is causing problems with the children's friendship groups. At this age the friendship groups naturally change a great deal, it seems like there have been friendship groups formed in the nursery that suited the parents friendship tastes and they are panicking over the loss of control that comes hand in hand with starting school.
When dd started school 22 of the class of 26 had come through the village pre-school (including dd), the 4 children who didn't were at first referred to as the 'new' children (even though they were all new to the school as the pre-school is not attached to the school) but the difference was that we all went out of our way to get to know the new parents and children and make them welcome in the pre existing groups. My dd has some great friends from pre-school but over the reception year her best friends changed and she was closest to the children she hasn't gone to pre-school with, she is now in Y2 and the groups have shifted again, she is now close friends with the children she was close with at pre-school again but her best friend in the world is one she didn't know until the child started in the November of the reception year.
These Mums need to chill the hell out and let their children manage there own friendships, from what you say the children are being inclusive and bringing the groups from the 2 nursery's together it is the parents who can't let it go! Shown up by their own 4 years old's in regards to social skills, they should be ashamed of themselves!

I found that the local preschool mums and dc tended to stick together (one set in particular) and the newcomers (like me and dd) tended to band together - no bad thing in the long run. Look to the other 'outsiders'.

Changing friendships is an issue throughout school - but as time goes on, parents have less and less involvement.

Thanks again, its good to know that I shouldn't be too worried about it. I have some good mummy friends but they are of children from nursery at the minute it's very difficult to break into the groups to be honest because they just look at you. I will probably be back at work in January so hopefully I won't have to here things even if they continue to be a bit weird.

DD came home from school today telling me that she played with someone she didn't know today in class because she found her in the bathroom crying. the girls 'best friend' had told her she couldn't play with her today. DD asked her why she was sad and she said she had no one to play with DD told her not to be sad and to come and play with her and she played with her all day so she wasn't on her own. Just hope that the 'best friend' isn't the child of the complaining mother or tommorow she may be accusing DD of stealing her friend.

Anyway thanks again xx

I agree you should ignore - all 30 children are the new reception class regardless what some of the parents think.

I am finding the attitude of a minority at the school gates to be very strange. There are some very nasty and small minded people about. I say hello to everyone but don't get involved in the politics.
My DS can be friendly with whomever he wants to be. The mum of another boy asked me to make sure my DS sits next to hers at lunch. I just said I wasn't getting involved and if they didn't eat lunch together, they could catch up in the playground.

It sounds like the teacher is on top of the situation. There will be many changes of friendships. Your DD sounds lovely.

Ignore them...they are beyond silly.

Parents can try to engineer their DCs friendships. They will ultimately fail as the children will make their own choices.

Stooping to badmouthing 4yos is disgraceful and tells you everything you need to know about this woman and her friends.

I sort of know how you feel. My dd has just started rec in the school she went to nursery. Although she wasnt originally allocated a place and we had to go thru appeal. B4 the appeal was heard and we werent sure where she was going hardly anyone spoke to us asked for playdates etc. Once we found out she was attending this school the atmosphere changed and offers came flooding in. Its so annoying! I wudnt have bothered with the appeal but its our local school and the only school our childminder minder goes to. I hope things get better soon xx

Hi freddy05. Ignore them. They are just very sad. I had the same when my daughter started primary school. She didn't go to a nursery as i kept her at home with me. When she started school she was the only child to have not been to the nursery within the school. Parents didn't like us at all and refused to even say hello - just looked and looked away. Very rude. I remember hearing comments from some of the parents but i just thought that they were saddo's with nothing better to do. Good luck.

I second everyone else on here. Children choose who they want to play with on any given day. There are no hard and fast friendship 'rules' at this age.

And I'm sorry to say that DD is 7 on monday and comes home in tears that so and so said they weren't friends at first break but by lunch was her bestest bestest friend. She finds it very confusing!

Seems to be a different story with my boys though thank goodness!

Just don't worry about the other mums, some can be soooooo odd. Laugh to yourself about how stupid and petty their lives must be!

Do adults seriously behave like this? Really? Dear god.

What a mad lot! Don't even discuss friendships with your DD, she seems to be doing fine and she won't be 'splitting friendships'-they chop and change at that age.
Ignore them, after time it will look as silly as it is and they will also realise that they can't control their Ds friendships-they make their own once they get to school and they very often are not the ones that mother has in mind-which is all to the good.
Your DD sounds delightful and the teacher is quite happy, don't let some insecure women with nothing better to think about spoil it.

She sounds like a lovely little girl! Ignore the silly mums - if they don't have anything better to think about, they must have very sad little lives.