my 8 yr old dd

[amberjane]

really upset at the moment, firstly her dad wants nothing to do with her at all. She has taken this badly and has been to ..... not vry helpfully camhs!
School, started yr 3 in sept, is a disaster, she has no real friends. never gets asked back to tea and has no one to ask back to tea as she has made no close friends. She is in tears every day over not having a dad too, breaks my heart. Plus at school monday 3 boys called her fat, she isnt but not thin!
school said they would deal with this but now my girl wont get changed for pe ...... she had body issues before this even.
She has terrible angry temper tantrums and even cries that our dog hates her. I have a very unhappy distressed little girl.
thanks for readig xxx

no real advice, but couldn't just read and ignore.

Your poor DD, she sounds very unhappy.

From your OP, it sounds as though you've had some discussions with the school, but it doesn't seem to have helped. Is it worth you making an appointment to go back in and sit down with her teacher / the HT to discuss ways forward?

Does your DD's school have an assigned school nurse? We have one employed by the local NHS Trust, but who works across three or four schools locally. If you have a child with a health issue (and this includes emotional issues), you can ask for her to be present at any meeting with the school.

Good luck, as the mother of another 8 y.o Yr 3 DD, I really hope you find a way to help her.

thanks for taking time to reply. no there is no nurse but school has given someone to dd to talk to on 1 morning a week, but dd finds it hard to open up to her. Think the time has come to call a school meeting although I feel this will not generate friends or help her come to terms with the loss of not having her dad.
I think if things really go downhill i will have no choice but to return to camh, not a route i really want to travel :-( xxxx

Hi Amberjane - sorry to hear about your DD, I'm sure it breaks your heart to send her to school in tears.
My DD isn't happy at school either, and it must be a long miserable day for them. I think my DD can be a bit impatient with some of the younger ones in class, and the rest I think she just scares away with her desperation to be best friends with anyone.

We have considered moving schools - just to give her a fresh start, but the only ones worth moving to would cost money which I dont really have.

good luck finding a sympathetic ear at school, maybe not from her teacher, but one of the other ones.

hi, thanks for the reply, really hope you get things sorted out aswell, though its not easy is it?

I thought of moving schools but tbh I do sort of get the feeling this will follow my dd anyway she too gives out vibes of being desperate or impatient, though fine at previous infant school.
Please drop me a line and let me know if you come up with anything xxxxx

amberjane:

I'm so sorry to hear about your DD. She's got a lot on her plate and I'm sure you're worried sick.

I think you can't change the situation with her father, but you do need to let him know she's upset about it. He may do nothing, but at least the ball is in his court. I'd suggest you ask your DD to write to him or send a picture.

She's lonely. That's not instantly solved but some suggestions:

Join after school clubs or clubs at weekends. Swimming, ballet, language, etc...

If the school offers free violin or other music lessons say yes - this ultimately will lead to joining a youth orchestra.

Consider joining choir - usually free and very social.

The weight issue is difficult - it might be you are both eating a lot more than normal because of the situation. But possibly try and encourage healthy choices - fruit over crisps or carrot sticks over chocolate. I know it sounds dull - but getting into the habit is good for you both.

Try inviting some friends over. Possibly over the Christmas break. Ask your daughter who she thinks is nice in her class and send a note or approach the mother about having a play date over Christmas. Keep it calm and relaxed, don't make a big deal about it and that will help.

She will make friends - in a few months there will be another new girl or boy and odds are they'll become good friends. I know it's hard right now, but keep her busy and active and try and assure her that making friends takes time - those kids have had 3 years (Class R - Class 2) to be friends, possibly longer - so it is a slow and gradual thing. But she'll get there in the end.

In the meantime - there is nothing to stop you arranging for her to see some of her old school friends over Christmas. That might be a nice treat.