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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Teachers, aibu?

28 replies

nailak · 07/11/2011 18:53

to think that if you know a child is regularly wetting himself, in reception, that you or the ta would remind him to go to the toilet?

or atleast after lunch/break check if he was dry, and not leave him in soaking wet clothes all day, so that 90% of the time he is wet when his mum picks him up?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MigratingCoconuts · 07/11/2011 19:16

I'm guessing there is quite a loy of back story that you have missed out of your opening post.

What you have posted does not sounds very nice for (I assume) you or your son. Does he have special needs? Have you had meetings about it?

AICM · 07/11/2011 19:21

No you are not being unreasonable.
If a child is regularly wetting themselves I would expect the parent to pack spare clothes. AIBU?

mrz · 07/11/2011 19:31

Is he in soaking wet clothes all day?

Original poster

nailak · 07/11/2011 19:50

its not my son, the parent assumed that as she was picking him up at the end of the day wet, that he must be wetting in the afternoon, but today she had to pick him up in early afternoon, and he was soaking wet, an noone had noticed, or mentioned, it, he had been sitting in his wet clothes, and the teachers know he has an issue.

the teacher says she hasnt got the time to remind him to go to the toilet.
all the kids have spare clothes and underwear in their pe kits.

this boy is not sn, but is having trouble adjusting to school, and is scared to ask approach the teacher when he needs to go the toilet as there is no toilet in the class, and they need to be escorted to toilet by ta.

OP posts:

activate · 07/11/2011 19:52

has he actually been toilet trained yet?

are you sure he has no SEN? - very unusual for a reception aged child, even if youngest in year, to be constantly soaking

she needs to talk to the school

MrsStig · 07/11/2011 19:55

Has to be escorted to the toilet by the TA? The poor TA must do nothing else all day than company children to the toilet!

mrz · 07/11/2011 19:58

As a teacher I would try to remind him but he needs to learn to ask and to tell someone if he has an accident. The teacher has a class to teach and with the best intentions can forget to remind him and indeed not be aware he has had an accident unless he speaks up.

I don't think you can assume that he is soaking wet all day every day just because he was wet today in the early afternoon.

AICM · 07/11/2011 19:58

I think the teacher should be more proactive.

mrz · 07/11/2011 19:58

Is he dry at home?

academyblues · 07/11/2011 20:25

This needs getting to the bottom of.

Whilst I agree that the teacher/TA have 29 other children to deal with and lessons to teach, it would seem that there is something obviously preventing this little boy from either asking to go to the toilet or just taking himself off there.

My dd wet herself a few times at the start of reception (had been completely dry at home for 2 years). When asked, she said that she was scared that people would forget that she was in the toilet and not be in the classroom when she returned. I can completely remember having these types of fears when I was 4.

We agreed that the TA would wait outside the toilet whilst she used it before lunch and reassure her that she'd come and look for dd if she didn't return at other times and this seems to have sorted it.

carben · 07/11/2011 20:26

My daughter did this in reception (and beyond). She was so shy and more embarrassed to ask to go than to wet herself. She was also scared of the chain flush. She would not talk about it at all. She just pretended it hadn't happened. Sometimes it was noticed and sometimes it wasn't by the teacher. It never happened at home although she always delayed going to the toilet and would mot admit to wanting to go even when she literally could not keep still. She just finally decided to make herself go to the toilet and she has never wet herself since the start of Yr 2 (now in Yr 3). It is nothing to do with anything I or a teacher has done. She has no special needs and is still shy and was toilet trained. She just had to decide to overcome her fear herself.

Original poster

nailak · 07/11/2011 20:51

activate he was dry all through nursery.

so maybe he is scared of the toilet/journey?

and however good intentioned the teacher and ta they cant remind him/ whole class at break and lunch times to use the toilet or 5 mins before carpet time etc?

OP posts:

mrz · 07/11/2011 20:59

Or perhaps he was able to hold it for a three hour nursery session but a full day at school means he isn't able to .

I would be extremely surprised if all the class aren't sent to the toilet before lunch as this is normal routine in every school I've ever taught at. Children are normally encouraged to go to the toilet before certain activities ... PE for example

Original poster

nailak · 07/11/2011 21:19

he is dry at home, but recently on sunday nights he has been bed wetting. only on sundays.

OP posts:

helpmabob · 07/11/2011 21:22

poor little boy I think this needs to be addressed and got to the bottom of. It sounds very distressing

mrz · 07/11/2011 21:23

Some children just don't like using strange toilets and if this is the case he might not be able to hold it for a full school day so that is why he is having accidents.

I would be very surprised if he isn't sent to the toilet with the other children at lunchtime (normal routine is toilet and wash hands before lunch)

Hulababy · 07/11/2011 21:24

Why does the TA need to accompany him to the toilet?

If he is worried about speaking out and asking to go, can there be another system introduced that he would be able to use?

Maybe a laminated card by the door where he has a velcroed card with his name out that he can hand to the teacher (no need to talk then) or TA.

Or if he can go without the TA having to be there - his name on a velcro card which he then sticks onto a special card to say he has gone to the toilet - and he then replaces it when he comes back.

Hulababy · 07/11/2011 21:25

Like others have said - it is normally part of the routine in infants at least that at lunch time all children are sent to the toilets to use the toilet and to wash hands before they have their lunch.

lesstalkmoreaction · 07/11/2011 21:31

Try going in to school a bit early in the morning and taking him to the toilet, it will give you the opportunity to check them out,and see if something is bothering him.Offer to do it every morning for a few days, see if it helps to get him confident with using them.
I had to do this several times as my ds struggled with the heavy door and wasn't sure what to do with the urinals, he also hated going when older boys were using them. He wanted to use the cubical but the seat was cracked. The school were very supportive, changed the seat and made sure he could use them on his own until he just forgot his troubles and went with everyone else but it took several months.

marykat2004 · 07/11/2011 21:35

carben - exact same story here. It's not up to the teacher. The child has to overcome their fear, maybe bring his own change of clothes. Lots of talking to them from mum will help.

I used to also get really angry when DD was wet after school, but she was also afraid of the flushing mechanism. And also of the older children in the toilets (only the year 1s, but to reception that is 'older'). I don't think she wet in year 1 and certain;y not in year 2. Though she often needs to go desperately when I pick her up.

academyblues · 07/11/2011 22:33

I don't think children are 'sent' to the toilets as asked if they want to go.

My dd was very clear that the class were all invited to go as they went to line up for lunch, but she wouldn't because she was scared they'd all go into the hall without her.

It's not as simple as 'they need to learn to ask' and, imvho, the school does have a duty of care around basic hygiene.

AndiMac · 08/11/2011 13:59

Accidents happen, but what I find shocking is that he's been left in wet clothes. That to me is completely unacceptable. If someone has wet themselves, as a teacher or TA, you FIND the time to change them.

Msamber1 · 08/11/2011 14:22

I think teachers should do more to encourage children to use the toilet. My ds is in reception and at home time, he is always bursting to do a wee. Sometimes it takes me 15-20 minutes to get home, by that time he could have wet himself, which luckily he hasn't.

carben · 08/11/2011 15:51

Marykat- my DD will still come out of school desperate to go to toilet sometimes. I now insist she goes back in to go before we leave school. I must admit that I got more annoyed with her than the school because she was more or less making a conscious decision rather than it being
an 'accident'. Just couldn't get through to her how much more unpleasant it must be to sit in wet clothes rather than just to go to the toilet. She did come up with various excuses but by and large I think she was making them up. I don't know what it was that finally made her use the school toilet - I'm just glad that she did but it really wasn't from any talks with me or her teacher because she just used to pretend they weren't happening !

marykat2004 · 08/11/2011 16:36

I remember this was a huge issue in reception, and I think we did talk with the teacher, and the teacher did talk with DD, or ask the TA to keep an eye out.

It's strange how something that seems like a huge big deal at one time is forgotten after a year passes... DD does still report that 'they don't let us go to the toilet often enough. We can only go in break times' though I'm not sure if that is true. Maybe they want to discourage children asking for the toilet when they don't need it?

I often take her to the loo at the end of the school day before we go home.

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