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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

DD not settling into Reception as well as I hoped :(

7 replies

JujyFruits · 07/11/2011 11:24

DD started reception at the local school in Sept. She was 4 in June.

Prior to this she went to nursery 3.5 days a week which she loved, had lots of friends here and we had no problems.

When she started reception she didn't know a single person in her class. The children she did know are unfortunately in the other reception class (2 form entry).

DD has always been a confident little girl so I had no worries this, in fact she was really looking forward to starting school.

But she seems to be really struggling :(

She has started to say she doesn't want to go to school, she refuses to get dressed, or says she feels poorly. She cries and says she wants to stay at home with me.

When I ask her why she doesn't like school she says she's there too long. I appreciate the days are long for a 4 year old, but she actually had longer days at nursery (9-5pm) but only 3 days a week. She doesn't seem overly tired.

The school is quite large and the reception and nursery class in her form share a large room - so between 50-60 3-5 yo children in the room with 2 teachers and 2 assistants. The nursery and reception do a lot of activities together and other stuff in separate classes but it seems very hectic and noisy whenever I've been there! Perhaps a bit overwhelming too.

At parents evening her teacher said her work and behaviour are absolutely fine, but she seems a little serious. I wasn't sure what he meant by this. I certainly don't recognise this description, as at home she's happy and funny and silly like a 4 yo should be. Maybe she looks solemn because she's unhappy?

She also doesn't seem to have 'clicked' with any of the other children yet - when I ask who she played with today she often says she can't remember or no one or she mentions a girl in the adjoining nursery class, but no one from her own class. I was hoping to invite a friend round to play, but she's not mentioned anyone so I'm struggling here :(

I asked her teacher who she plays with at parents evening and he said she plays with everyone and seems quite sociable.

Anyway she just doesn't want to go to school and it's breaking my heart to see her unhappy and her confidence knocked so much :(

Is this normal? What can I do to help her?

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CocktailQueen · 07/11/2011 11:35

Oh, bless her. I suggest another meeting with her teacher to chat about your worries, and ask again who she plays with, and maybe invite a couple of the girls she plays with home for a playdate so she feels more confident with them. Not sure about the not wanting to go to school as I'm getting that with my ds as well. :( Hope it improves for you soon.

Original poster

JujyFruits · 07/11/2011 12:19

Thanks I hope it improves soon too.

I was wondering whether to arrange another meeting with teacher, but we only had parents evening the week before half term, so didn't know if it was too soon. I don't want to come across as precious or a pain. He was honestly under the impression that she was doing fine. And I'm sure in school she is fine, she saves all her tears for home :(

ARGH it's so hard trying to force her to school every morning when she's so upset.

OP posts:

mummytime · 07/11/2011 13:28

Can you arrange some playdates?
I would also keep badgering away at the school, they do miss things. But also if you can take an opportunity to spy at break time. Sometimes children say they have no friends when things are actually pretty fine (on the other hand it took years for the school to realise my DD was really unhappy and had few friends, despite me continually bringing it up).

3duracellbunnies · 07/11/2011 13:47

You need to talk to the school, they prob don't realise how unhappy she is to come, even though she is fine when there. My dd1 has been through phases like this there is usu a reason you get to eventually, but it is very draining. Dd2 has found friends hard in nursery so have been discussing it with teacher from start and she seems to be doing better now. They have done things such as setting up group activities with a few children she did mention. I have also tried having play dates etc. Are there any parents that you get on well with? If she isn't offering any names maybe start there, most children like the excitement of someone else's house. If your daughter doesn't like the sound of them she might suggest someone else. And maybe as she is one of the younger ones she likes being a bigger girl in the nursery, My dd1 gravitates to those with birthdays around hers or a bit younger, being the big sister think that is where she feels more comfortable. Good luck, and do talk to teacher, with careful handling these situations can turn around quite quickly.

Original poster

JujyFruits · 07/11/2011 16:05

I'm at work when she's at school so I can't spy on her I suspect what you say is right though mummytime.

I used to spy on her a bit at nursery (it was very close to my work) and she was always playing with other children and having fun. She loved it there and we both really miss it :(

I don't really know any of the parents of the children in her class, apart from to make small talk to. I know parents of children in the other reception class, and in other years in the school but that doesn't help.

Me and DH share drop offs / pick ups, and because we both work we're always in a rush so can't hang around after drop off and are usually there at the last minute to pick her up. So oppurtunities for mingling are limited...This is unfortunate but we've been very lucky in that DH and I can work around school pick up / drop off and we don't need to use childcare.

I think a lot of the other children's parents work too as I often see Grandparents or childmilders picking them up.

I will talk to her teacher again I think.

OP posts:

Eggrules · 07/11/2011 19:46

I think you are right in that she is upset with you but seems to be fine whilst there. It is worth talking to the teacher so he knows what is happening. They will also be able to reassure you again that you DD is playing well with others.

There are a few children in my son's class visibly upset and/or crying on their way into school. It must be very hard for you

ladybirdpoppy · 07/11/2011 22:06

Hi
My DS started reception in September, not knowing a single person as he went to a nursery near my work as it was more convenient.... he had so many friends and always chatting about them but to be honest he had been with those set of friends for approx 3 years from the baby room to preschool. I think it was only in the beginning of preschool that he formed real friendships.
For past few weeks I have been asking DS who he plays with and he says no-one or just mentions the odd name and I started to get worried thinking of him all alone in the playground or in book corner, however just had our parents evening tonight and his teacher said that he plays with lots of children from his class but he is not clinging to any particular person ... I guess it will take some time to develop friendships again. We take him to the local park at the weekend near the school and some of his class go there too and I hear boys shouting out his name. I also rush off from drop off so do not have time to mingle with other parents although there are not many that stay after the bell has gone. I also think may be that I pick him up and bring him straight home that we do not know anyone. I may put him in the after school club from Jan just for one day a week to see if that makes any difference.

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