How seriously should a school take bullying allegations from my 4 year old?

[PrinceCorum]

I was taken aback today when my 4 year old came home from school with red marks all around his neck. I finally managed to get out of him that his year 6 "buddy" (!) had tried to strangle him, and that when my son told a teacher the teacher didn't do anything - nor did they contact me. I feel pretty annoyed about this and am ready to speak to the teacher and maybe the head all guns blazing tomorrow, but I know I am going to have to be all lovely and polite because that is what keeps parent-teacher relations working... Still, I imagine most parents initially have the sort of shock that I am going through when they see physical harm dished out to their kids so soon after starting school, and from a child specifically selected to be a "buddy".
This post is both an opportunity to vent and a plea for some advice - how to deal with the school? Am I being over the top wanting to talk to the head? My child says it is not the first time this other, bigger child has hurt him - news to me. And why didn't the teacher take it more seriously?

Bump for you

I was ready to come on and say that 4 year olds exaggerate etc but having marks around his neck is serious. Have you taken photos? Is your son scared of his "buddy"?

In your shoes I would talk to the teacher. Ultimately, they should be taking it seriously and finding your DS a new buddy.

If the teacher seems flaky then go to the head.

I had to talk to DS teacher because I wasn't told of a head injury. i decided on the stern but not cross approach so she knew this was a serious issue for me but as part of a conversation iyswim

You do need to talk to the school, and start with the teacher.

I suggest you tell her that your DS has told you XYZ (calm description of event, including that he told a teacher) and you wanted to find out what was going on. Then pause and listen hard - the incident may not be as described (my DC's never lied, but some of the things they didn't tell me about the full picture of what had happened really did matter). Your aim here is to find out if then teacher is indeed aware, how they view the incident, and what they are doing to deal with it. Then you have to decide if the response is adequate. If not, then see the head. But if it is (and it probably will be) then the main thing you need to do keep communicating with your DS so you know if the behaviour has indeed stopped.

I wouldn't use the word bullying (yet, anyhow) as at the moment all you have is some physical evidence and one account of one incident, plus a reference to an earlier one which passed unnoticed at the time. Save the bigs guns for later.

It's possible the "buddy" is a silly,boisterous boy who means no real harm,but he obviously is unfitted for the role! You certainly need to have a word with his teacher about it. It's unlikely to be bullying as such,but needs sorting.

Did you have a chance to speak to anyone?

This was a physical assault by a much older, stronger child against a 4 year old. It is not the same as 2 kids of the same age having a bit of a playground scrap.

Year 6 would be 10/11 years old? If a child that age assaulted your 4 year old when you were walking through town you would think it very serious - don't let the school brush this aside as nothing, just because it happened at school.

Photograph any injuries, write down what your DC told you, and details of anything staff said to you. See the Headteacher, tell her how unhappy you are with the way this has been handled and ask for a new Buddy for you DC.
Also mention Police, you would be within your rights to report this incident to them, and will, if it happens again. The year 6 child may have problems or issues and the school should be helping him address those issues, and if you make a fuss, then they are maybe going to be keener to do that.

I think the teacher handled this really badly (you should have been told), this is an issue that should be raised with the Head, as it will be up to him/her to tell staff what the proper procedure is when a child is injured by another pupil.

Keep calm, but express your concerns firmly.