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Would you say something to the teacher?

11 replies

HoneyandHaycorns · 01/11/2011 21:30

DD has told me that a boy in her class (I'll call him A) is regularly making fun of another little boy in a different class (I'll call him B). B clearly has special needs of some sort but I don't know the details.

It seems that A regularly hangs around B in the playground, telling him to do things like pulling down his trousers and pants etc. B generally does as he is told. A and his friend's apparently find this hilarious but from what dd has told me, B doesn't seem to be laughing with them. DD finds it distressing to watch as she thinks A is making fun of B and she is worried that B will get into trouble for doing things which aren't his fault.

She said that she and her friend's have previously reported this behaviour to the dinner ladies on several occasions, but they seem to have been fairly dismissive about it and I'm guessing that they may just regard it as general tale-telling. The behaviour has continued in spite of what has been reported, and nothing seems to have been put in place to stop it from happening again and again.

DD is six, and I think girls do tell tales a lot at this age, so she is probably no exception. However, I think she is genuinely concerned about B and about the manner of these interactions with A, which don't seem to be particularly good-natured from her perspective. I really want to think that the dinner ladies can be trusted to exercise their judgement and that they would discuss any real concerns with the teachers etc. I am also quite reluctant to interfere in something that I'm sure the school should be able to handle. But...

I am very uneasy about the idea of this poor little boy being used by the other kids as a source of entertainment, perhaps without any clear idea of what is going on. I'm loathe to use the b-word, but does this sound like bullying to you, and would it be reasonable for me to mention this to the teacher as a concern?

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ASuitableGirl · 01/11/2011 21:34

I would definitely mention it to the teacher.

Hassled · 01/11/2011 21:38

Yes, definately talk to the teacher. Just say what you've said here - you come across as very balanced and reasonable. Then at least the ball is in their court and you'll know you've done what you can. It may just be a case of tale-telling, it may not be - you have no way of knowing, but at least let it be checked out.

helpmabob · 01/11/2011 21:42

Yes you must tell the teacher and possibly B's mum

HoneyandHaycorns · 01/11/2011 21:42

Thanks. That's what my gut says, just didn't want to poke my nose into things that aren't really my business, and obviously, i only have my dd's account of what is going on. Also, i have no idea what may or may not be happening behind the scenes to address the problem - the dinner ladies may not be ignoring it, even if my dd perceives this to be the case.

Nevertheless, if B was my child, I'd want the school to be more proactive in dealing with this.

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amistillsexy · 01/11/2011 21:46

Definately bullying. This is awful, and you should certainly mention it to the school. The little boy, B, is vulnerable and needs others to protect him. Your little girl sounds lovely, that she has noticed and empathised with him. Would she and her little friends invite B to play with/near them? Then he would have some nice children as role models.

My little boy has ASD, and when he was in Y1, he was traumatised by some other boys pulling down his trousers and laughing at his willy. The Head of the school said it was nothing-just 'boys being boys'. I was livid- would she have dared to say that if the boys had pulled down a girl's pants and laughed at her 'bits'?

I took my DS out of that school, but he still freezes up if he sees any of the boys who went there (not easy in a tiny village with only one park!).

HoneyandHaycorns · 01/11/2011 21:46

helpmabob I can't tell B's mum as I don't actually know her - he is not in dd's class, and though I know the child from school events etc., I wouldn't even know what his mum looked like. Also, not sure I'd want to upset her without having a better idea of what is really going on. I think I'll have a word with the teacher.

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helpmabob · 01/11/2011 21:50

I mentioned the mum in case the school don't look into this properly (as some schools are wont to do), then the mum could make sure all is being done.

pozzled · 01/11/2011 21:51

Yes, definitely speak to the teacher. If it's enough to upset/concern your DD who isn't in B's class, then it should be dealt with. And if it's still going on, it doesn't sound as though it is being dealt with.

dearprudence · 01/11/2011 21:55

Another vote for telling the teacher here - just as you said it here.

BadRoly · 01/11/2011 21:56

Another one who thinks you should contact the teacher/school. Your daughter may be over dramatising it but that us for the school to follow up and find out. Better for it to be checked out.

And your daughter sounds lovely that she is so concerned for the little boy. You should be proud of her.

HoneyandHaycorns · 01/11/2011 21:57

amistillsexy that sounds awful, I'm so sorry your little boy had to endure that. :( I can't believe that the head teacher didn't take it seriously. Shock

On the whole, I think our head is pretty good and I'm sure she would take a dim view of any bullying if she was aware of it. I also have great faith in the teachers. I think my main concern is that the dinner ladies may not be taking it as seriously enough to feed it back to the teachers, and maybe they are just dismissing it as "boys will be boys".

I will certainly ask dd if she and her friend's would let this little boy play with them if he'd like to. They're not angels by any stretch of the imagination, but on the whole, they're a kind-hearted little bunch. :)

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