<sigh> It gets you down after a while doesn't it?

[OrmIrian]

DS2's parent's evening. It never seems to get any better. Reading OK.Writing not great. Numeracy fairly crap. Same as last year really.our He has an IEP, one-to-one maths lessons, extra hand-writing help. And it never seems to improve. I just feel so disheartened. School are doing everything they can, we are doing our best, DS2 just isn't interested.

Yes he's creative, imaginative, knowledgable, calm, patient, good-natured and 'a lovely child, just like your older two' (which was nice to hear) but how the hell is he going to cope with years 5 and 6, let alone secondary school?

I want to cuddle him and keep him safely locked away from nasty reality

Hi,

I know how you feel, we have only one DS and teacher says he is what every little boy should be...no worries, no hang ups, no frustrations.....but just average. We do all we can at home, encouragement etc. Hopefully they will turn out to be "people" persons, eg friendly, social, love life.

Your not alone.

I suspect that secondary school could go better than you think. Many pupils come into their own in an environment which is not so centred on numeracy and literacy.

I've seen many students I have taught over the years who might, on paper, not show much promise when they enter in year 7 but who go on to achieve really great things (sometimes academic, sometimes other) as they develop their particular interests

Because school isn't currently hitting your child's skill strengths now, doesn't mean it will always be like that.

I know exactly how you feel. I'm feeling very down today as well.

I want to yell at school and rant and rave at them, but I can't because there isn't actually anything else they can or should do :(

If DD doesn't learn to read and write this year I'm taking her out of school.

Thing is I've been saying that for the last 2 years :(

School can't teach my DD. Life sux.

Thanks all.Good to know I'm not alone.

coconuts - the secondary school ds1 and dd go too has a good SEN dept - they need to as they have 51% SEN, so I am hopeful. But DS2 has never had any sort of specific diagnosis, he's just a bit at a tangent to everyone else.

So, can anyone tell me what this all adds up to please:

'Poor understanding of basic number concepts - needs adult support; difficulties with fine motor control (hence problems with writing); needs time to process instructions and they have to be broken down and repeated; hearing difficulties?'

From his IEP

He may just be "Average" or maybe it's Dyslexia? Or another, similar specific learning difficulty?

Away from school, how is he? Does he appear to be a lot "brighter" verbally when discussing things of interest with you, but struggle to get him self across in writing tasks?

"hearing problems", when his hearing is fine could mean a proccesing problem (which if diagnosed could be helped with specific strategies by the teachers).

Thanks oldmum. He is very bright and alert when talking about subjects of interest to him (as the IEP also states). He has a huge vocabulary and an encyclopaedic knowledge about many things but especially animals/dinosaurs/Amazon rainforest etc.

It takes him ages to write anything so his enthusiasm wanes (not surprisingly). The teacher has found him a hand-writing pencil to see if it helps but I think it;s more than that somehow.

Incidentally he draws endlessly in minute detail. But they are (to my eyes) the drawings of a younger child - I mean when he draws as shark it's accurate according to body shape and the number of gills and fins but it's 'childish' for want of a better word.

I took him to see the GP re his hearing and he identified a small problem with his left ear. Waiting to get a referral now. It might or might be part of it but I can't help thinking it's more that he just zones out.

It does. My eldest is in year 6, we've had 6 years of the same parents evening. One to one maths help, slow to right, handwriting practice, literacy help, has good ideas. The school are fantastic, it's just that once I'd like to turn up and hear something different. People we know from outside the school circle presume he's top of the class and that'll be seeking a selective secondary for him.

Some of what you're describing fits with Dyspraxic tendencies. Usually there would be gross motor skill issues more than anything else, but as with a lot of these needs there are variations on a theme. The Dyspraxia Foundation checklist is here.

Have the school talked about use of a laptop at all? My (very Dyspraxic) DS2 was taught to touch type in Yr 5 and now uses a laptop for all written work - and can use it in exams, etc. It's made a hell of a difference - the handwriting was holding him back in so many ways.

Thanks

soups - your school sounds like ours. Doing their very best but it isn't enough somehow. I feel sorry for his teacher TBH - she must feel like tearing her hair out (I do!)

hassled - a laptop is a good idea. He can use ours already very well and has no trouble using a keyboard. Might be best to see if the IEP bears any fruit but then maybe suggest it. He's got the stuff in his head (apart from the numbers obviously which just flutter out of his ears when he tries to think about them ) but can't get it out!

I was going to say sounds a bit like Dyspraxic tendencies too.

That site seems to tick a few boxes

Thanks hassled. Some interesting reading ahead.

He sounds a lot like my dd who was dxd as dyslexic - but I see the dyslexia as very much a symptom for something else (although what teh something else is I'm not quite sure..)ie - she has huge numeracy problems. Slow processing speed. Below average working memory. Has no hearing problmes but I am convinced doesn't hear words the same as me as she misses chunks out when trying to spell them. She also has problems with fine & gross motor skills. However - she has amazing vocab. Her dyslexia assessment scored her in 95th percentile for verbal skills. She has good general knowledge. Amazing understanding of how other people tick. She is also creative. So huge plusses - but like you i worry about secondary. Although the school tell me the transition process for her will start a year early so by teh time she actually starts the support staff will know her well.
It is so difficult.

I'd just like to add, secondary has proved to be much better for my DS than primary, and he's on target to get some very good GCSEs (and some not so good ones). I know of plenty of other children where this is the case too.

Thanks haggis.

Can i just ask how you went about getting a diagnosis? The school assessed him briefly a few years back but didnt think there was anything worth worrying about - but maybe it didn't appear that much at school as he wasnt' so far behind then and the behavioural issues were largely saved for home as far as I can tell, ie the tantrums, the overexcitement, the stubborness about doing things 'the right way'.

We were lucky in that it was really obvious in p1 that things weren't right. We got dd assessed privately for dyslexia when she was 7 (9 now) (cost about £400!) - our main reason was that we knew we woudl be moving so wanted an official record. But what teh old school did (and new school have asked for) is an OT assessment. At old school we did it by getting teh GP to make a paed referral - and she referred dd to the OT - this was a really useful assessment for the gross / fine motor stuff - they assessed dd as having developmental coordination disorder (sometimes people use that instead as dyspraxia ). The OT advised dd should learn to touch type for the future - although to be honest we have concentrated on teh reading / writing for now as I reckon she has enough to deal with. Current school want an OT assessment also - and they also got teh education psych to see her and assess her working memory (which while poor wasn't as poor as expected).
So - long story short - ask school to refer to ed psych - adn it woudl also be worthwhile getting OT assessment which you can either ask school to arrange via school nurse or do through GP.
I find both previous and current schools have been good in getting her support - and I reckon the more we can get writen down now the easier transition to secondary will be. It's horrible though as you worry about them moving on to high school.

Thankyou haggis.

i would definitely suggest an ot assessment, and suggest a trial of a laptop in the classroom in the interim to see if it helps with the recording. (dd2 has just moved f/t to netbook use for literacy, but has cursive handwriting homework so that she can go at her own pace)

i might also be tempted to lean on school a bit for an ep assessment. it sounds more like a processing issue than hearing tbh but difficult to tell in an online snapshot - it would be a good place to start, anyway. full ep assessment would highlight areas that you can investigate further.

you could get one done privately, but they are mucho dosh.

in-between kids often get left to cope with an assortment of whatever help can be found without too much investigation. not enough problems to guarantee assessment and specifically targeted intervention, but enough issues not to ignore them.

read up a bit more and start pushing for ep and ot in the first instance? (and suggest laptop/ netbook) they do sound as though they want to help, but haven't really got enough time to ponder specifics...

I printed out some pages from the Dyspraxia website to show to DH. To my mind they matched DS2 to a T! He predictably denied that DS showed any of the symptoms on the list . i had to go through them one by one for him to admit that yes, perhaps, there was something in it. He just got hung up on the 'can't ride a bike' thing and said 'yes he can!' but I reminded him that it took many times longer for DS2 to learn than DD and DS1 and also that we won't let him go out on his bike without one of us simply because of an unspoken acceptance that he is unstable and unsafe!

But it took him ages to accept that DS2 also showed slight signs of autism - but now he talks about DS's 'autistic tendencies' showing whenever he does anything typically DSish.

And he works with pupils with severe behavioural difficulties! But I guess that's the problem - he sees the absolute extreme and forgets that there are degrees in this as in everything else.

I am hoping he will have a think and then change his mind. I can't contact anyone unless he agrees.

Alternatively, you could skip the dx stage, and just go straight for the therapies that help kids with symptoms like this stage......

Eg (def not exhaustive list)

INPP
Dore
Hemispheres OT
Sound Learning Centre
Sunflower Therapy

And many, many more.

Thanks indigo

I had a look at Dore but we can't afford to pay for a great deal atm. Also if the school recognised there was a specific 'problem' they might be prepared to help out with, for example, a laptop. And just knowing what was wrong would help - atm it feels like wading through treacle and I also have this vague feeling on inadequacy for not making it alright for him

I am investing in some omega3 for DS2. It helped DS1 years ago when he was struggling a bit in primary.

if his handwriting is poor in comparison to verbal literacy skills, and his drawing of things is "correct details for age but poorly done" he may have a processing difficulty... the ot mentioned something about that for dd. didn't quite get what, but you could ask for a referal to ot for the handwriting and see what else they come up with.

Orm I'm sorry he (and you) is having such a rough times. I've got no advice really, but I just wanted to tell you about my brother.

He was just like your DS2 - a bit clumsy, didn't pay attention, careless work, terrible handwriting, behind in maths and often in trouble for messy work (80's schooling ).
He was considered a good kid though, and he was creative.

When he was about 11 he suddenly blossomed. Took up rugby and got involved in a local am-dram thing for kids. Secondary was brilliant for him because he gave him an outlet for these talents, and his academic focus and ability improved hugely.
He now has 3 degrees and is a qualified solicitor. He was just a very late bloomer.

Thanks susan - can't hurt to just mention the handwriting specifically as a possible indicator of something more.

alibaba - your story is inspiring thankyou. Funnily enough my DB was very like yours - very slow start in school, struggled and was miserable, secondary school was the turning point and he managed to find a point to it all and some good teachers and has done pretty well now. All of which makes me more certain that there is 'something' about DS2 beacuse in some many way his story is so similar to his uncles. And possible his grandfathers too.

Managed to grab his teacher and mentioned the 'd' word to her - she says 'she sees where I am coming from' and will mention it to the SENCO.