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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

DS crying every morning in reception...

12 replies

minko · 31/10/2011 15:59

Any suggestions to cheer DS up. He was happy as can be for the first 3 weeks, then something happened and he has cried every morning since. Today the teacher said to me that he just misses me and is really unhappy. He spent the morning break crying.

I feel terrible! Don't know if there's much I can do but I'm about to start work and need to put him in after-school club for just over an hour every afternoon and I worry this is just going to make him worse...

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Elibean · 31/10/2011 16:30

Do you know what happened to change the way he felt at school? Has he said anything? It sounds important...

spiderpig8 · 31/10/2011 17:01

I think it is very common for them to love school, and then after a few weeks the novelty wears off and they get fed up of going every day.He'll gradually warm to it again, just hang in there.B smiley but firm

CHST · 31/10/2011 18:26

we had this as well before half term. It is really hard, especially as you know they have to go and you can't stay or just take them home. I had a talk with DS and asked him why he was getting upset (after school one day) and he said he just wanted me. So what worked for us was a sticker chart 1. for going to school without crying and 2. for eating his dinner (another issue) but at the end of the week if he had enough stickers, he would get a treat like a magazine. We did this for a few weeks and now he goes and we don't even have to do the stickers.

RueDeWakening · 31/10/2011 21:05

Can you give him something to take into school which is yours or reminds him of you? Something that he can keep in his pocket and get out if he needs to? I'm thinking of those US style lunch box notes eg these, or maybe a tissue with your perfume on or similar.

gushofbloodtothefloor · 31/10/2011 22:24

I read a lovely post on here once where Mum had 'filled' a pocket with virtual kisses that the DC could use at trying times of the day. This technique worked for several years iirc.

mercibucket · 31/10/2011 22:25

I do lunchtime pickups, would you be able to do that on the days you don't work or is it full time?

Original poster

minko · 01/11/2011 06:57

Thanks for the suggestions. Am going to try a sticker chart and promise visits to the toyshop for 'good behaviour'.

I can't really do lunch time pick ups and besides the school wouldn't be keen, he is the oldest in the class too. He says he misses me but I think he misses his life of pre-school when I was home all the time, he went to nursery 2.5 hours a day and we did whatever fun stuff he wanted or he watched TV and demanded drinks and snacks! It must be a bit of a shock to him now... but he just needs to get used to it. 'Smiley but firm' is what I'll have to be!

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Original poster

minko · 08/11/2011 09:37

Sorry to return with this but NOTHING is helping and he is getting worse. He just says he misses me. There doesn't seem to be any issues at school and he comes out happy enough. In the morning the teachers just lead him in stoney faced. I think their theory is to not make a fuss, but it doesn't help me as they don't appear very welcoming and makes me feel like a nuisance for having such a mopey child...

OP posts:

dearheart · 08/11/2011 10:29

First thing to do is to let go of any feelings about being a nuisance or how your child's behaviour reflects on you - just makes you feel paranoid, and actually less effective at helping your child. Easier said than done, I know.

Reception is quite a learning curve for parents (am on my second child and it is much easier now). In your situation, I would ask for a quick meeting with the teacher after school and ask whether they think he is settling better now - and if there is anything practical they can suggest to help with the transition. But if he is coming out looking happy, that is a great sign that all is okay during the actual day - some children just find it hard to separate from their mums (mine do too). And bear in mind that his teacher may look stern at the handover but may be lovely in the classroom.

Just continue to be down-to-earth and calm when talking about school. I ask my kids for their favourite moment and least-favourite moment at bedtime - it is a good way of finding out the positives as well as the negatives, and allows children to speak about difficult feelings in an easy, calm way.

foodfairy · 08/11/2011 11:11

Just wanted to say this was me and my son last year. It's horrid. I tried lots of things kisses in pocket, a picture of me in his bag to look at, treats/bribes, being strong and firm etc. The one thing that helped was my mum taking him for 5 days straight - saying goodbye to mummy was what seemed to be the problem. This worked until he got chicken pox and was back at home for week and started again.

Definitely worthwhile catching up with his teachers as sure they have seen it before and have good advice, but at end of day you know your child the best. I think asking that people keep an eye on him at break and especially lunchtimes is a good idea as it's a long time to be out even more so when it gets cold. I also think my son was really tired, sounds like it's not an option for you, but maybe you or someone else could take a couple of afternoons off and let him come home, spoil him a bit for being such big boy. Our school wasn't keen on this either, but I wish I had ignored them and done it as big treat once or twice as by the end of term he was just knackered.

Sorry not that helpful but just to let you know about a month into 2nd term he started doing it less and pretty much stopped (apart from assemblies which only his dad went to for the whole year or he got big wobbles!). On a positive note, you wouldn't believe the confident Y1 boy who bounces into school with his friends was the same child. It takes time and I really feel for you, but it WILL get better. xx

esselle · 08/11/2011 11:27

My DD was like this when she started school too and I felt so sorry for her. I drew kisses (XX) on the back of her hand each morning, wrote a note for her pocket which said Mummy loves DD and put a small photo of our family in her bag.

She said these all made her feel better. She now loves school.

It is a pretty big adjustment for them and I think it just takes some kids longer than others to settle.

mercibucket · 08/11/2011 20:51

We are doing well on the lunchtimes thing still - probably still be dpoing it when she's at high school lol! Can you arrive really late so you are so busy 'rushing in' there's no time for tears? Or get someone else to do dropoffs for a few weeks? What do the teachers say?

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