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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Year 3 DD hysterical over homework. Help

25 replies

GumballCharm · 09/10/2011 16:11

She's 7 and all along she has HATED homework...she is now at a new school in year 3 and has settled well...homework is much less, only 1 piece a week.

This week the hw was to write a poem or a descriptive piece on a subject which I wont reveal as it will ID me.

So...yesterday she wrote a poem on my laptop...very good poem too. She now has to copy it out neatly and for 40 minutes she has tantrumed and refused.

I can't get it out of her why she wont do it. I asked if she wanted to write a new poem...no...."I hate writing and I dont know what to write."

She's getting really upset and tearful. Her teacher has noted that she does not like writing but she wont do it!

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neolara · 09/10/2011 16:12

Can she not just print it off and stick it in her book?

AurraSing · 09/10/2011 16:18

How is her handwriting? My dd isn't the neatest writer in the world and has become very conscious of it, especially when there is a danger of it being displayed.

Or do you think that she just has enough of hw for the weekend?

SouthernandCross · 09/10/2011 16:19

I'd explain that you can't and won't try to make her do it but there will be some consequences if she doesn't. Don't make it sound like a threat though, just a fact. Ask her if there is anything you can do to help her do her homework, sit with her, make her a drink, put some music on for her but if she won't do it, pack it all away, write 'DD didn't want to do this' and forget about it.
I've done this with my DD's now and again ( now year 4 and 5) and it rarely happens these days.

chobbler · 09/10/2011 16:21

Aha we had the same problem. does she wear glasses? our DD cannot copy from the board as she has one eye long sighted and the other short, they constantly battle when she is copying work from one place to the other. even when she wears her glasses her eyes tire quickly, she mis-copies and makes mistakes, berates herself as stupid and throws a wobbler. She was scared to ask for help as she had missed a half term of the work through illness, didn't have a clue what to do but embarrassed, so just shouted

she went on the literacy support programme - Sir Kit's Quest as we suspected dyslexia but she came through that easily and now in year 4 no problems so far.

bibbitybobbityhat · 09/10/2011 16:22

She is putting it on to try and get out of it! She is not really hysterical about having to write for 10 minutes. She just thinks if she makes enough fuss you will let her off.

fluffythevampirestabber · 09/10/2011 16:25

I would print the poem out and stick it in her book

Really it's year 3 homework and not worth her getting her knickers in a knot over.

Have a word with the teacher if you can though to see if there's any issues you're not aware of. I have done this with DD2 who has (occasionally) got herself in a tizz about a homework (once it was drawing a picture and writing underneath - the tizz was about the picture but the point of the homework was the writing but could I get her to understand that? Not a fucking chance)

Original poster

GumballCharm · 09/10/2011 16:30

no...it says she has to do it in her best writing.

OP posts:

fluffythevampirestabber · 09/10/2011 16:31

Then I would tell her "Right, you have to do this in your best writing. You have 10 minutes to get started. If you don't do it, then I will take you in and we will speak to the teacher. And I will write in your homework book DD refused to do her writing part of her work"

Only problem is DD2 would go even more batshit at that and it would take me a lifetime to calm her down.

babycham42 · 09/10/2011 16:34

Do it in little sections?

And (I'll say this very quietly) I find a bit of bribery works wonders - but don't grass me up to Supernanny

fluffythevampirestabber · 09/10/2011 16:38

Can you even lightly write it and she traces over the words?

Original poster

GumballCharm · 09/10/2011 16:54

Sorry x posted!

I think she's fine wiith eyesight.....she just said it's because her arm aches when she writes!

I think it's a case of what Bibbity says!

OP posts:

teacherwith2kids · 09/10/2011 16:55

Homework is the child's responsibility, and the child should take the consequences if she refuses to do it (she's Year 3, my reply would be a bit different for a younger child).

You have done your bit - you have given her time, space, opportunity and support to do her homework, and she has refused to do part of it. Give her one last chance: right, I have put your pencil, paper and a printout on the table, and I'm here to help you for the next 10 minutes.

If she refuses, at the end of that time stick the printout into her book and add a note to say 'X was given the time, support and opportunity to do the writing part of the homework but she refused and made a big fuss'. Then the teacher has a choice - if it's part of a pattern of behaviour, she can can either tell your daughter off (if that's what she needs) or start getting to the bottom of the problem and offering suitable support (if that's what she needs). If actually the point of the homework was the composition, and the bit about best handwriting was just to encourage those who believe that anything goes when it's homework, the teacher has a piece of work to mark.

In future, make it very clear from the outset that it's her homework. You will negotiate with her to find a time and space to do it, but from that point it is her responsibility though she can ask you for help if she needs it. Believe me, her teacher would rather a piece of work that is genuinely your daughter's OR evidence of her refusal to do it, than the 'looks good but wasn't really her work' results of a wholly adult-dominated weekend-long battle!

fluffythevampirestabber · 09/10/2011 16:58

Teacher said what I wanted to say so much better

Original poster

GumballCharm · 09/10/2011 16:59

I know teaacherwith2 but I HATE her not showing her potential!

OP posts:

fluffythevampirestabber · 09/10/2011 17:01

But the teacher needs to know that she's either

a making a song and dance

b really struggling with the homework (since you said this is a pattern)

I suppose?

teacherwith2kids · 09/10/2011 17:06

But her actual WORK is in the composition of the poem.

The bit about handwriting ... well, as a bright child with poor handwriting, I would say it, but that is 'frills', not the core of the work. Stick in the printout.

No teacher takes homework performance as any indication of what a child can really do, anyway. It's more about rehearsal for the child, communication with the parent, and instilling the idea that some work needs to be done outside school in readiness for when she gets older. If her work in class is good, then whether or not she gives in fabulous homework won't influence the teacher's judgement....

I have 3 responses to homework, basically:
'Wow, child X has done their homework! That's fabulous as he /she has illiterate / disengaged parents, it's great to see that the child is developing the ability to work independently'

'OK, that's great. Y has a decent work ethic, does the work, puts the effort in, gets it in on time.'

'Yes, that may look fabulous BUT it doesn't match what child Z does in class. methinks parents did an awful lot of it' (I investigate these, just in case it really is that homework is better than class work and we can do better in class to let that child show what they can do - it's often about a quiet environment at home)

teacherwith2kids · 09/10/2011 17:07

Oh yes, do tell the teacher what is going on. She needs to know, as it is useful information about the child and how they work.

florencepink · 09/10/2011 17:08

I'm having the same problem with my yr3 child at the moment. He has always disliked writing but now they are in yr 3, joined up writing is being encouraged. So, I can understand his frustration as just when he thought he had the hang of handwriting, they introduce something very new and complicated looking!

cece · 09/10/2011 17:09

DS1 did this two weekends ago. After half an hour I packed it away with a note at the bottom basically saying he had had a meltdown about it.

Next day she gave him a new sheet to do it again after having a 'little chat' about his attitude.

He did it as soon as we got home with barely a murmur.

AChickenCalledKorma · 09/10/2011 17:12

In those circumstances, I'd be inclined to give her one final chance to write it out by hand. If not, print it out and let her take it in, with a note from you saying that the poem is all her own work (assuming it is!), she wrote it on the laptop because she found that easier, but is now too tired/grumpy/unco-operative to write it out by hand. And see what the teacher says.

If she's mainly interested in the content, she will be happy. If she really wanted "best handwriting", she will presumably have words with DD.

fastweb · 09/10/2011 17:19

Take the elephant off the plate and give itmback in bitesize peices.

One sentence copied, break, repeat until done.

Stay calm, upbeat and resistant to all pleas for mercy.

It does work, even when your heart is being rended left right and centre with their pain.

I've faced a wobbly lip all day, sighs, headaches, tummy aches, and out right pleas to be let off school tomorrow. It's hard, but cutting it up into digestable,chunks and jollying along goes a big way to help.

Mr Mutiny is not a ball of sunshine (new hormnes don't help any) but homework is done and nobody has died (or packed her suitcases, made a dash for the airport and abandoned her family in sheer exhustion)

Hang in there love, you'll both get throught the barrier if you channel supernanny and pretend your eardrums aren't bleeding.

I prefer saying it to doing it though.

I'll save this for you for after. Well I'll try, may glug this one and have to pour a fresh one for you.

Original poster

GumballCharm · 09/10/2011 17:26

She won't take the original poem in....not even printed. She is writing a new one which is obviously MUCH less imprssive than her original.

I'm letting her. Very annoying though.

OP posts:

fluffythevampirestabber · 09/10/2011 17:29

As long as she does it I wouldn't give a monkeys

fastweb · 09/10/2011 18:22

She won't take the original poem in....not even printed. She is writing a new one which is obviously MUCH less imprssive than her original

Tortured artist at work?

Last year DS got very strange about his independant writing, the though crossed my mind he was angling after a garret being rented in a grotty part of Paris to mathc the angst, the scrunched up bits of paper and the endless searching for a turn of phrase that would match whatever idea he had in his head.

I bought this, trying to be helpful, but everything in there was all wrong too. Allegedly.

He had to get there by himself or not at all.

www.amazon.co.uk/Descriptosaurus-Supporting-Creative-Writing-Hardcover/dp/0415468353

Oh well, as long as it gets done.

Hands over non glugged

chobbler · 11/10/2011 18:19

ooh that looks perfect for my DD! off to amazon :)

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