When your dc isn't doing well at school

[allaboutthename]

How do you cope? My DS is in Yr1 and is progressing very, very slowly with reading and other areas. It feels as if it's one step forward and two back and he is still at the same reading level that he was on in Reception and is the only child in the class at this level. DH & I spend considerable time with Ds, helping with reading and other areas and I have invested in lots of resources (& research) but it has such a limited affect which is very disheartening. I have older dc's who do well in school and I know that it makes life so much easier when a child is able to cope with school. Parents evenings are also so much more enjoyable!

I am due to have a meeting with his teacher and from her comments I assume he will start assessments however I just wonder how parents cope with the emotional turmoil that it generates. I feel so sad and disappointed and can't really share it with people - friends & family try to be helpful but state the obvious - why don't you try reading to him often (like we don't!!) so I have stopped discussing it.

How do you cope?

Indigo-wrong wrong wrong!!!
Children do develop at different rates.Some babies are walking at 8m and others not til 20m.They have to be READY to learn a new skill eg reading You couldn't teach a cat to add up or a 2 yr old to do calculus because their brains are just not developed enough.The truth of the matter is that some children ,with no underlying problems, however well taught they are , have just not reached the stage of development to be able to read at the start of Y1.
Based on your own experience of one child you are pedalling harmful crap that there is something amiss if a child is not doing something at the same time as his peers.

Spider pig I never said anything like that at all.

I am talking about kids, like my DD and the OPs, who the teacher has put on the SEN register because they have learning difficulties. The teacher is very concerned. Don't you think the OP should be as well?

I'm saying if your child has learning difficulties be proactive about it.

I'm not at all talking about the 95% of kids who learn to read by 7 or 8.

If a child has real problems it is possible to tell at 6 if a child is going to be one of those kids who don't learn by 8. Learning difficulties like my DD has were obvious at 3 - but school didn't put her on the SEN register till she was 6.

By the time school put you on the SEN register for learning difficulties school are really sure there is a problem.

It's absolutely not about her not being developmentally ready. She can't learn to read. And school are unable to teach her. The EP recommended school get her a reading pen and dictation sw. At 8, the EP doesn't know how she can be taught.

Some kids never learn to read! Actually quit a lot.

And I am certainly not pedalling harmful crap.

I don't wish to enter into any of the debate going on here other than to say that IndigoBell amongst others has given me support and advice in order to better help my ds. I do however want to go back to the op and say that it is incredibly hard to see your child struggle, our country's system or perhaps just our school seem to put the onus on the parent, not on the child or any learning differences they may have (dyslexia, asd etc), not on their own methodology but squarely with me. I am not an academic by any stretch of the imagination, dh on the other hand is very intellegent, ds is struggling and the tendency of the school to say we need to do more to support him rings the guilt bell loud and clear. He is such a unique, bright, interesting little boy and yet he is falling further behind. It is hard to watch and even harder to shoulder the responsibility for his struggles. So yes I hear you...I am sad, disheartened, scared, concerned, worried, guilty and numerous other emotions, thoughts and feeling that I am not supposed to feel let alone share with anyone else. That said, I will do everything within my power to love, support and enhance my ds in who he is and what he will achieve.

My DS doesn't have dyslexia but just isn't bright in a school way, he's a fabulous actor, dancer and performer though!!

Not everyone will be great at school, it's tough when your child is the one that's not.

My DS has Aspergers, dyslexia and ADHD and really struggled throughout primary. My approach to dealing with the issue was to push for decent support - and for these difficulties, the best support tends to come from outside the state system. He now attends a private special school where he receives therapies and teaching targetted towards his weaknesses, in small groups, funded by the LEA.

It took of determination on our part (and money, for assessments and legal support to convince the LEA to pay) but he is thriving there and it's massively improved his self-esteem. It's a cohesive approach for him, as everything is provided in school and there's a strong emphasis on social skills, which tends to get left out if you try to manage everything yourself and deal with all the therapies on your own. Plus, now he is statemented and his placement there will last until he leaves school, and that will bring him more security in the future in terms of support as an adult.

OP, it's hard, but try to hide your disappointment.

I made it very clear to my DC (one very bright, the other very "slow" in the uptake and 1-2 years behind where he should be.) that we rate and appreciate TRYING hard, and working hard, rather than "being clever" if that makes sense.

And I really, really don't think that people should be saying that conditions like Asperger's and dyslexia can be "cured".

allabouthename, I used to work with someone who was dyslexic. She was a senior sales manager. She earned £60K a year and drove a Jag. Dyslexia was her strength; - becuase she didn't do well with written info, she was all about people and she inspired and motviated that team by being people-smart - she tapped into their emotional needs and drove them to achieve their targets.

Dd's nursery manager is dyslexic. She is the hardest worker I know. She is very successful and her dyslexia has helped her achieve - again, she is 'people-smart', and manages a team of people well.

I have interviewed a dyslexic once who used a sheet of coloured plastic to help her with her verbal and numeric tests. My company was keen to help her. In the ned I couldn't give her the job - but that was for unrelated reasons.

Try not to worry too much; dyslexia is about a lack of ability to process written information. But most dyslexics are able to compensate for this by using the rest of their processing memeory to help them - so for them reading will never be an easy past-time as it takes so much energy; - but it doesn't necessarily hold people back; as I hope the above examples are of some comfort to you. You sounds as if you are doing everything within your power, the other thing I could suggest is tapping into some of the national networks who will give you further advice.