Argh, this is the thread I said I wouldn't make.

[ButterAndPie]

We are in the third week of school for DD1, who is 5 in March. I KNOW I'm being daft here, and if I read someone else saying this, I would roll my eyes.

But...

She is whizzing through the work, and is moaning that they hardly do any reading and writing in school, and she likes the choosing but the table time is silly. I know 4yo children talk rubbish, and the school is known for being quite strict and pushy, but the homework doesn't seem very ambitious either (eg it asks for grown ups to do all the very simple writing, she was asked to just memorise the names of the ORT characters on the flashcards, she read her reading book at the first sitting). She did much more than was asked (off her own bat) for this weeks homework (my sister, who is a teacher, was shocked at how hard the original homework was for reception), then went off and did her Jolly Phonics workbook as well, and made me write down a story she had made up. We have a box of colouring in that I have printed off the internet (eg cbeebies type things) and the odd puzzle sheet or whatever, and she always finds the puzzle sheets or a map to do, so it's not that she is being forced to do these things.

Gah. Even reading this back, I know I need to chill out.

So, is there anything I can do to keep her learning while the teacher gets round to sorting out harder work? (I know the teacher is busy and needs to help the kids who maybe haven't had the same luck as to had a burst of learning before school, and I am not thinking she will be some kind of genius, but I don't want her bored and turned off for now. I'm happy for her to play at school and us provide more interesting stuff for her at home for now.)

I know she isn't hugely ahead, and there could be areas where she is behind, I wouldn't know as this is the first time we have really seen what seems to be expected. I kind of lean towards going over stuff now to make sure it is firm in her head, but how can I do that without her getting annoyed and bored? If we were still doing HE, I know what I would do - keep on with reading, work our way through the story of the world, do harder sums with buttons etc to help her count, and easier ones in her head, find things to research, write stories, etc, but would that fit with school or confuse her?

Should I make her do more colouring in? She doesn't like colouring in - I don't think she sees any point in it, but I suppose it will help her pen control.

If she's wetting more than usual, have you had her checked for a UTI?

Most reception teachers are happy to remind a child to go to the toilet regularly, so you could ask for that.

Dont cry bp

She sounds very bright and inquisitive and thats a good thing! You just need to cintinue doing what you are doing ie. answering her questions in a fun and loving way. No need for "extras" at this age IMO. If she really enjoys puzzles/quizes then cbeebies has lots on its website which will be fun and educational for her and not as dry/repetitive as workbooks.

Your FILs comments are just not helpful and its up to you to say something.

Your dd isnt you and she wont get treated how you did at school. Try to hold on to that x

She loves the cbeebies website, but I thought it was bad for them to spend too much time looking at a screen? If I stop her watching tv/playing online, she goes and finds a workbook. She has loads of CDs, but the one she puts on herself is Jolly Phonics (or the Ramones, but that's a whole other issue!)

She keeps asking to do the crytpic crossword. Obviously that is just not going to happen, so I make her her own crosswords. It's just stuff like that - both me and DH study and we are bookish for fun, DH goes on TV quizzes, so maybe she is just picking up on how we are.

As long as you monitor her screen time (which I am sure you would) she will be fine.

Does she enjoy word searches/puzzzles? lots of those on the website but if you dont want her to be on screen for a long time you can print them off.

Hi ButterandPie

I'm worried that you're beating yourself up too much. Listen - there is no right way to parent - you just do the best you can.

Speaking to FIL will be tricky - but try pitching it to him that his getting disappointed with your DD is starting to become a 'thing' for your DD. Could he help you by starting to regularly remind DD about 'loo time' 1/2 hour or so after eating - and now and then throughout the day (like just before going out to the park). Perhaps you could devise a reward scheme for times FIL is looking after DD - i.e. if you are dry all day for FIL you can play on CBEEBIES when you get home. Doesn't cost you anything and may do the trick.

We found the approach 'Never mind, these things happen. You'll be dry tomorrow night/ tomorrow at school' helped to keep things calm but make it clear what the goal was. It sounds silly but regularly asking 'Do you need to go?'/ 'Do you want to have a try?' helps to get children to think through if they need the toilet.

Your DD sounds brilliant and inquisitive and your discussing anything and everything with her sounds like a great approach. School will give progressively more complicated work soon enough.

Getting your daughter clean and dry regularly in the next few months will avert her being called names/ teased or worse yet feeling unconfident. She is only 4 and there are plenty who also haven't mastered being dry for school - it's quite normal. Honest. Try reading Potty Poo Poo Wee Wee by Colin McNaughton with her - it's rude and funny and gets the message across in a child friendly way.

If you haven't done so today - remember to praise your DD. Tell her she's clever and beautiful and all great things and tell her that you're sure she'll get the hang of being dry in no time. Let her know you believe in her.

Hang in there! As a wise friend once reminded me when I was really worried about my eldest DD - In six months time you'll be worried about something else. Just keep telling yourself that!

FIL is being unhelpful.

When my oldest DC was leaving Infants, they put on a special assembly, and a big part of that was about the little carrier bags. It is quite normal, kids are too busy, they feel nervous about asking to go and so on. So don't panic, just talk to the teacher, and work calmly on it. If it is a problem go to see your GP, maybe she has an infection, or it could be stress over you being in hospital. Try to talk to her about anything which is worrying her, and reassure you that Mummy won't suddenly disappear.

Schools have changed a lot, they usually stretch all children. Its just some need to work on 1+1=2 or c a t is cat, and some need to work on sharing, or valuing everyone etc.

Finally guilt is part of being a parent. I feel guilty today because my youngest would like to go to our local very academic Girls school, I'm not sure we can afford it, and we didn't do private for the older ones, but yes it might be the ideal school for her, we will just have to see what happens/we can do.

Hi again. I just want to give you a very unmumsnetlike hug! Your DD sounds bright, inquisitive and gorgeous. Just relax, enjoy her, chat, do worksheets etc, if that's what she wants, and RELAX!

You need to take the pressure off both of you, but that doesn't mean stop enjoying books/questions etc. I'm forever trying to extend my DCs knowledge - we're reading Egyptian mythology at the moment! I mean, how sad does that sound! But the thing is, we all enjoy it, so I don't care.

The trick has to be, don't compare. I know it's hard but you have a child who sounds like she enjoys learning, so brilliant! Go with it, but don't make her feel that's what she has to do to gain your approval.

If she wets, that's probably her weak spot - don't make it seem bad, make sure she knows that it will get better and don't swell in it. It will probably just sort itself out - it is very common!

Just relax. Xxx