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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Is this strange or what?

26 replies

Jesusgirl · 19/09/2011 10:09

I hardly ever do school runs as my ds goes to the breakfast and afterschool club, but I picked him last week and got talking to another mum.

1st, she asked me what extra curricular activities my ds does,I thought that was a reasonable question. She later asked me bluntly what levels he got in year 2 Sats!!! I thought that was really ridiculous. It was the 1st time I was having a chat with her. What difference does it really make anyway. She then went on to tell me what levels other kids in the class got!

Do people really talk about these things or is it really as strange as I think it is?

Now I wish I didn't tell her, I'd have preferred to be the 'mystery' mum!!!

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nokissymum · 19/09/2011 10:15

Yes some people are very very nosey! You just need to know how to change the subject next time
Noseymum "so what levels did babyjesus get in xyz ?"
Jesusgirl " well its not really about the levels is it, its more wether they enjoy school! Or

Jesusgirl (quite pointedly) "i dont really think the levels are relevant, its about wether they are learning and enjoying the whole school experience!

Botj answers are waffle but enough for noseymum to back off.

UptoapointLordCopper · 19/09/2011 10:58

I think it is strange. I've only had one conversation like that (and I talk to anybody who would talk to me) and left feeling a bit sullied for some reason.

I would answer "I don't know", and it would be true. No idea what DS1 got in Sats, and for the life of me can't remember what level of what anyone is on and which shape/animals/precious stone/colour table anyone is on. It is NOT important.

Original poster

Jesusgirl · 19/09/2011 12:29

I was caught unawares actually and didn't have enough time to think of a good response to shut her up politely!

I can't believe people would stand outside school and compare levels! I hope it's just this one mum and it's not the norm. She seems to know other kid's levels. I guess she just had to know my ds's to complete her 'records'!

OP posts:

ragged · 19/09/2011 13:57

When DC1 did y2 SATs I asked a few other parents what their kids did on y2 SATs and got such short shrift.
DC1 got 2as and 2bs, btw, (see, I'll tell anybody, what's the big secret??)
I only asked the question to people whose children I knew tended to be brighter than DC1 and I expected had done better. They still clammed up & wouldn't say.

That learnt me, haven't asked anybody the slightest hint of that Question since. So yes it is odd, OP, but I don't think they meant to be weird, probably worried about their own DC's progress and just weren't thinking it thru.

gabid · 19/09/2011 14:13

Although I would be interested I wouldn't ask such questions and have never been asked. However, I must admit, once DS (6) brought out the wrong book bag and while trying to find out who it belongs to I took a quick look at the other child's reading book. I also looked what reading book DS's friend was on while they were playing upstairs after school. I'm just nosy.

newtermnewname · 19/09/2011 14:21

GABID! May the lord strike you down! Primary School etiquette law no.1 - Do not snoop in other childrens' book bags.

Tsk.

blackeyedsusan · 19/09/2011 14:25

oh my goodness. she actually came out with it. why? i'm intensly nosey and would love to know... but it is not the sort of thing you ask is it? maybe with a best friend but to a random other mother in the playground. odd.

HerdOfTinyElephants · 19/09/2011 14:27

Or
Noseymum "so what levels did babyjesus get in xyz ?"
Jesusgirl " Oooh, I don't know, I can never get the hang of these levels. Is 4b a level? That rings a vague bell, but I can't remember if it was to do with SATs..."

That'd teach her.

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs · 19/09/2011 14:40

I have no idea about levesl. DD hasn't done SATS. This answer wasn't enough for one mum - the only mum- who spoke to me at DDs new school.
she is in Y6 so will be doing some at the end of the year.
The Mum asked me what DD had got in her last SATS, I said she hadn't done them. Mum said she must have done, it's the law. I said she had only recently moved to England and the schools she'd been at didn't do them.
She clearly thought I was lying, but sod her.

oddgirl · 19/09/2011 14:53

As the parent of 2 pretty academically average children (a rare species on MN), and DS actually has huge difficulties (ASD/dyspraxia), I really really enjoy this type of questioning because it invariably comes from a parent whose child has done exceptionally well. I now adopt a mysterious knowing smile and say something along the lines of "well the school have asked me to keep it quiet..blah blah...moving up a year early...blah blah...never encountered a child like this...blah blah"

Seems to do the trick and provides me with a highly entertaining school run...

newtermnewname · 19/09/2011 14:55

... or from a parent who THINKS their child is doing exceptionally well and gets a surprise when another is clearly doing better. He he chortle.

ragged · 19/09/2011 18:29

Ah, but see Newterm/Oddgirl, I disprove your theory. I asked only people for SAT results when I was certain their DC had done better. Honestly! And one of them had done better (she did tell me). But others clammed up. Cultural thing, I think, not to talk about it. Quite silly, imo.

Oggy · 19/09/2011 19:26

Parents in my childrens playground were even asking after each others EYFS scores so heaven knows how bad it will be now they are on SAT scores.

I wouldn't dream of asking anyone, and if anyone asks me I will simply say "it's personal". I really really hate the comparing, it doesn't help anybody.

sunshinewanted · 19/09/2011 20:00

Very common at our school for people to ask and also for people to tell people without being asked ie all 9's in EYFS. I have been asked 3 times by one mother what level reading book my child is on despite being very evasive each time. Having said that I expect it so am ready to evade the question.

gabid · 19/09/2011 20:00

When I talk to a friend who's DS (6) is a fluent reader I tell her about my concerns about my DS (6) being a reluctent reader with just above average ability. Another friend told me that the school gave her DS (6) support in English and that he is behind with reading. I didn't mention that my DS was doing slightly better, but talked about the fact that her DS is growing up with 3 languages and that it't probably developmental - with 2 very academic parents and grandparents it probably is.

I wouldn't talk about my DS's ability to strangers.

cat64 · 19/09/2011 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

maggie6 · 20/09/2011 08:48

I might be mistaken, but I thought you could choose for your child not to take part in the SATs. I live abroad and there's not so much emphasis on all that, but we are coming back to the UK at the end of the year and I'm not looking forward to getting in to a "testing culture". If I could, I think I would opt out as I think the results are used more to compile league tables and not to help our children progress.

gabid · 20/09/2011 09:56

I don't know if you can opt out of the SATS, I think they should be scraped at age 7. All that talk about education is not a race and then they do that. However, even if you could opt out your child would still be sitting in a class who is being more or less drilled for that exam, even if he/she doesn't actually take part.

singinggirl · 20/09/2011 10:08

There is one mum at my DS's school who wants to know every level - SATs, music exams taken, the works. I flannel her with answers about being very pleased with his progress - but she has now taken to asking DS's directly! She then tells anyone who gives her the answer what her DS got - usually a higher mark, and she really has a negative effect on some mums in the playground. She has had her comeuppance twice in the last year though, when DS1 told her he had got a sublevel higher than her DS in Maths, and when she told me that her DS had a CAT score of 168. I was delighted to be able to tell her that the maximum score was 140 and that she was obviously mistaken! Really gets my goat that she asks my children though.

GloriaVanderbilt · 20/09/2011 10:18

i think she has a spreadsheet.

Seriously, freakish behaviour and none of her business.

Cortina · 20/09/2011 10:31

There's anxiety at our school as KS1 SATS are used to set in Y3 etc. I think that's why some parents seem to get competitive/anxious or ask questions.
I know that all want to see children do as well as possible but IMO invariably if you expose children to middle of the road work/curricula and they tend to be seen generally as middle ability for example, guess what the likely outcome will be? I'd have failed any CAT test going (so guess what they'd have thought of me) yet am reasonably academically able. My brain works in a different way I think :)

Ideally we'd do away with all of this NC tracking etc but I do realise it's there as a safeguard and to help rather than hinder.

gabid · 20/09/2011 10:54

It's there to measure progress, but it all seems to go a bit over the top.

singinggirl - do parents tell her? She just seems to ask to make herself feel better.

singinggirl · 20/09/2011 11:13

Some do, she can be quite abrupt, and some people are more able than others when a question appears out of the blue to fend it off - other people will answer without meaning to. It having now turned to her asking the childre is a whole other issue, many children when asked a question by the parent of a schoolfriend will just answer automatically. Also irritating when you make a throwaway comment about DS needing to actually do some piano practice for an exam or something, then she comes back asking how he did a few weeks later - wanting marks etc. as well.

Gloria - yes, probably a spreadsheet - she probably has a more detailed record of the children's progress than the school!

gabid · 20/09/2011 11:23

I would probably answer automatically the first time and then be very annoyed about doing so, thinking ... I should have said ...

Original poster

Jesusgirl · 20/09/2011 16:33

It's ridiculous asking the kids really. My friend with a ds in my ds's class once grilled him about reading levels and tables, and according to my ds, right there, scolded her ds for being lazy etc

Why are mums so competitive? It really doesn't change much anyway if you found out other kids are doing better or worse. It's scary really!!!

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