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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

This sounds crazy I know......but how ill are your DC before they are kept off school?

57 replies

applecrumbleandcream · 16/09/2011 23:59

My dd (4) started in reception on Monday. By Wednesday I picked her up from school and she was hot and flushed, sneezing and coughing. She was really bad throughout the night so on Thursday morning she was really poorly and tired. Felt really awful as it's only the first week, but had to ring in school and tell them was keeping her off. She was loads better by this morning so she went to school fine, just got a runny nose, Teacher said she would keep her eye on her but had no problems.

I was chatting to another mum outside school (who is incidentally a nurse) about how ill her children are before she keeps them off and she says they literally have to be on their knees. I was then thinking that perhaps I should have sent her after all even though she was really quite poorly and the school could have rang me if they thought she should have been off.

Hope that makes sense, but I just wondered what MNetters do and how do you judge how ill a child is before packing them off to school in a morning?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Marne · 17/09/2011 12:10

My dd's only stay home if they have a very high temp, are being sick or pooping, or are refusing to eat (they have to be very ill to not eat as they love their food).

I did keep dd1 home the other day as she said she had head ache and tummy ache, refused to get out of the car when we got to school so i took her home where she suddenly picked up and she addmited she was having a few problems at school (just started a new school) so after lunch i took her back it .

HummusNKetchup · 17/09/2011 13:46

D&V, serious injury or temperature above 102. Otherwise it's off to school.

Toodamnnosy · 17/09/2011 14:10

If my kids are ill (excluding D&V then that's automatic off and I'm more lenient in what they can do at home but they stay home 48hrs) they have to spend the day in bed, with no electronic gadgets, or tv.

They can read but that's it.

My kids are very very rarely off longer than 1 day, and normally by about 3pm they are telling me they are going back to school the following day.

Boredom is key, if genuinely/properly at death's door, you don't feel boredom, just feeling a bit under the weather boredom quickly sets in.

Lilithmoon · 17/09/2011 14:24

102 Hummus? Would you really send in a child with a temp of 101?

dikkertjedap · 17/09/2011 15:56

I agree with OP and would have kept my dc off in such a situation. I keep DD off, in case of:

D&V until 48 hours symptom free and eating properly again
fever of 38 degrees or more (even if it comes down with calpol as it still means she has some kind of infection which in all likelihood is contagious)
not having been able to sleep during night (so far this has always meant that she is getting ill), plus she would be simply to tired to learn anyway
if DD herself says that she feels unwell (never happened yet, but if it happened I would definitely listen and keep her off)
if there is any suspicion of contagious disease
if she has tonsillitis
if she has lost her voice
if she has a rash (I would then first make GP appointment)

Probably compared with other parents I keep DD rather a lot off school but it is not harming her education in any way and I don't think it fair on the teacher and other 29 kids in her class to send her in when I think that she is ill.

hatebeingmummy · 17/09/2011 15:59

D&V, mega temperature, swollen glands or things like chicken pox..
coughs, colds, tiredness and mild temperatures aren't a reason to be off round here.

LovetheHarp · 17/09/2011 16:02

I am the same, I only keep them at home if they have a high temperature and look very ill or D&V.

My DD1 had tonsillitis last year for the first time and had a whole week off. The GP would not give her antibiotics so she had to fight it off herself and it did took a while and I've never seen her so ill before!

anthonytrollopesrevenge · 17/09/2011 18:01

My problem is getting the DS to admit he is ill! The daft child will not let on and then collapses. After breaking his collarbone he stayed at school all day and fainted from pain at after school football club because he didn't tell anyone. He has also managed to be sick at school several times discreetly so no-one knows and tells me on the way home, though he always adds that he is quite well and doesn't need to go to bed. Needless to say he has several 100% attendance certificates. I hope he hasn't infected too many others at school and apologise if he has! I do keep him off school if he has D&V, as long as I actually realise he is ill, he is very good at pretending to be well.

DD will play up and pretend to be ill. She is only just 5 and complaints of headache and tummyache fall on deaf ears. But if she is genuinely under the weather I keep her off as she still gets extremely tired at school and exhausted infants are better at home where they can nap and regain their stamina. No telly and no treats on days at home though - I don't want her thinking days at home are a luxury, I want her to find them boring.

Original poster

applecrumbleandcream · 17/09/2011 18:36

Thanks everyone, this has really made for interesting reading.

My dd is very dramatic even at 4 so I am probably going to get a few ' I've got a headache/tummy ache' fake illness moments in the future and that's a good tip for no tv or treats, a day off school means lying in bed getting better.

I definitely wouldn't send her in if d & v though. Absolutely awful for everyone as it spreads so quickly.

Probably now after reading these posts, I would think again before keeping her off for a cough or cold, as someone has said they would be off for most of the year!!

Fingers crossed for a healthy year for all of us!!

OP posts:

BecauseImWorthIt · 17/09/2011 18:43

IMVHO you start off really hard, so that they learn not to try and swing the lead - and then they don't even bother later on!

D&V, obviously, means keeping them off, as does a high temperature with pain/fever. But otherwise, they go to school.

And if they don't, and they're at home, then they are in bed with nothing to do. Makes it clear to them that there's no benefit to them being off school.

lenak · 17/09/2011 19:08

My DD hasn't started school yet, but she copes really well with colds (like her dad) etc, so I'm guessing it will be D&V or really high temps only that I will need to keep her off with. I would be weary of her infecting others though.

I'm rubbish with colds and often didn't make it into school with a heavy cold - my parents were pretty good about it - it would really pee me off when other kids came in with obvious really bad colds because I would inevitably catch it. .

My best mates parents were like many on here - she would only be allowed to not go to school if she was at deaths door. There was one episode when we were around 15 where she was clearly really really ill but her parents insisted she went to school - we all thought she had flu. The following week she was feeling better but her dad had the same thing and was off work for a week.

He apologised to her and said that if he had realised how ill she was he would never have sent her in. After he went to the docs it turns out they had glandular fever

EndoplasmicReticulum · 17/09/2011 19:15

They have to be fairly ill - I am a teacher so can't take days off unless an absolute emergency, and husband doesn't get paid if he doesn't go to work.

If they've had D+V I keep them off, as I am keen not to spread it about! If they had days off for colds / coughs they'd hardly ever be there.

My mum was a teacher too, so I had to go unless I was really really ill. She would use the old "go, see how you feel, I can always pick you up later" routine, but she never did.

bibbitybobbityhat · 17/09/2011 19:18

I let my children stay home whenever they are feeling ropey. But I can do this because I sahm at the moment and my dc really do like school and have never to my knowledge "pulled a sickie".

neversaydie · 17/09/2011 20:09

If running a fever or vomiting, then it is a fairly easy call. Otherwise, he has to be willing to go back to bed, with only books for entertainment. And I have to be feeling soft hearted!

I am a bit softer than I was after a series of illnesses which when I caught them were pretty devastating. I realised that I had possibly been over-tough on him.

pointythings · 17/09/2011 21:24

D&V - off until 48 hours clear.

Temperature over 38C - off until a whole night without a temperature - if they really have a fever, anything you give them will wear off overnight and you will have a Central Heating child at some point in the early hours, which triggers day off.

Not eating - this is always a key sign with my DDs, if they go off their food they are either 1) already visibly ill or 2) will be so by morning.

DD1 burst an eardrum over Easter and went to school - I just let her teachers know that she was suffering some hearing loss and they made allowances, and she was not feverish or in any pain (had that during the holidays ).

I'm lucky, or maybe not, that mine tend to get ill on weekends and holidays, specifically the Christmas and Spring half term breaks. Lovely. They do not get 100% attendance for their holidays...

LorenSorensen · 17/09/2011 21:35

Mine both love school and haven't feigned illness before.

They stay off if I judge they can't cope with the classroom (DS Y3) or the playground ( DD Y1 ). By can't cope I mean won't be able to concentrate in class and drag down classmates and teacher, or stand shivering in a corner of a cold damp playground. This is the test for me: do I think this is sensible or safe for them and the school?

So, generally, if they have a cold they go in. If they are tired, they go in. Worse than that, they stay home.

At home, no DVDs,DSi, or entertainment of any kind. Bed. Or sofa with a duvet. They get bored and either sleep it off or are desperate to get better and get back to school for some stimulation.

BastardDog · 17/09/2011 22:08

High temp only. My two never get d&v.

Home sick from school means quietly resting in bed or on the sofa. A bit of tv, but not all day. No games consoles, no going out. Unsurprisingly my two are always keen to go back to school.

Theas18 · 17/09/2011 22:31

Deaths door here! If not then have some paracetamol and go- if the school don't want you there, they'll call me...

We both work and can't be staying home with children that aren't "proper poorly" quite apart from the disruption to their education and the fact that all 3 actually don't want to miss school. Of course we wouldn't sent them with D+V or other more than averagely infectious condition but I'm afraid primary schools spread coughs and colds anyway- keeping my child off, who is really not that ill, so yours doesn't catch a cold doesn't work...

My mum said that if you were ill enough to be off school you were ill enough to pretty much stay in bed and sleep/read. If you were well enough to wan tto watch TV or get the lego out she'd be revising her asessment and taking you in at lunch time! I tend to stick to that.

spiderpig8 · 18/09/2011 09:15

Keep them off with anything infectious, or anything which means they will not be well enough to learn.
So temperature, bad cough/cold, being exhausted,cricked neck all valid reasons IMO

spiderpig8 · 18/09/2011 09:20

Can't stand these selfish idiotsof parents who think they are somehow being virtuous by sending unwell child to school meaning that all the rest of the class and teacher catch it and have to have time off school, and parents off work.Or else they spend all day whining or fractious and seeking solace from the teacher in their misery.
Staying off work and staying off school are not comparable.you work for your employers benefit, you go to school soley for your own benefit.

LorenSorensen · 18/09/2011 09:23

Couldn't agree more, spiderpig.

youarekidding · 18/09/2011 09:31

D&V 48 hours after stopped so how ever many days that takes.

Runny nose/ cold etc with temperature/ loss of appitite.

My DS has allergies though and a runny nose, itchy ears etc are par of the course so I have to judge.

Bunbaker · 18/09/2011 09:38

If DD needs Calpol on a regular basis to fight a high temperature, D & V, migraine or something like chicken pox then she stays off school. It has to be a exceptionally bad cold to keep her off. I agree that it is very selfish and inconsiderate to send a child to school who is clearly unwell or has something contagious.

spiderpig8 · 18/09/2011 10:09

calpol relievess a symptom, the cause remains.
I think you can actually feel worse with a cold than many more serious illnesses and it's certainly more infectious!.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 18/09/2011 11:03

I think this is an easier call to make if one parent isn't working, or if there are tame grandparents about to look after the sick child. Perhaps if employers were more understanding that would help?

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