dispute over which class my ds will be in next week

[rightrevauntiemackerel]

hello this is my first post, and I'm wondering if anyone has any advice about how to get my boy into the best class for him. He's 9 and been allocated to a class with two teachers, one of whom is leaving at Xmas to start a headship elsewhere, the other returning from maternity leave. After Xmas there'll be another teacher. Ds is not good at adapting to different teachers and the other class for his year is a single teacher who seems very good. In addition, all his friends, including his best friend are in the other class. School is not listening to my requests to have him in that class. Anyone with experience of negotiating with school for what you want? I feel my ds is being hung out to dry and he's getting v upset about the whole business....

QUOTE The two teachers who are taking the class he's assigned to comprise one returning new mother and one teacher who is leaving at Xmas to take on a head ship elsewhere. My feeling is that neither are going to have their minds completely on the job. The other teacher is a career teacher and much more focussed.

So because she's a new mother, she can't do her job properly??????? Who the hell do you think you are making presumptions about other people's ability and enthusiasm to do their job???

I suppose, in your opinion, that NEXT September, the 'poor' children I will receive after completing my maternity won't stand a cat in hells chance because my mind won't be on the job!!!

Get a grip! It's YOU with the problem NOT him!!! We see this every year and every year the child is absolutely fine! Don't be surprised if he turns out to be an emotional wreck by the time he reaches secondary school. God only knows how he'll cope!!

Have grappled, briefly, with how to put this. Bottom line is: school decides who goes into which class, (for perfectly valid operational reasons), not the parents. You need to get over it. Sorry.

The issue here seems to be because the school moved one child, why are they prepared to do it for one child and not others. They should have a blanket policy and stick to it.

FWIW DS started P1 at the nursery he had been to last week. It is almost as if they deliberately went out of their way to ensure that no single child that he had ever played with ( even in the other nursery classes) are in his class. DS is finding it hard,heck I'm finding it hard as invested time and energy getting to know the other mums and kids last year but I'm sure they must have their reasons for doing it and I am sure ultimately he will be fine.

You must make sure your DS is not aware of your concerns on this, by all means listen to him and help him to articulate feelings about not being with his friends but encourage him to be positive and make new friends. If you have specific concerns about his ability to understand more than one teacher then that is the avenue I would pursue when talking to the school, as being split from friends and concerned about the motivation of the teachers are not going to be vote winners for you.

My DC, although both nominally in classes assigned to one teacher, are not taught by that one teacher throughout the week. They cope very well with a different teacher for PPA time, and each year group is put in sets for Maths, which can involve a different teacher. Some teachers are specialists in Music, or RE, or something else. IME this happens in most schools, and the DC have very little trouble with it.

In the past, they have also been fine in jobshare classes.
Let the head review at half-term. You can do the same.

OP is discussing a valid issue, so no need to be horrid to her.

Glad Mum2be isn't my dc's teacher - you sound really fed up with parents!

OP is upset her son isn't in the same class as the rest of the "gang". She raised the issue with the school and isn't happy with the response from them or us. Her disappointment needs to be hidden for the sake of her son, Mum2be gave good advice if a little bluntly.

'He has been separated from his best friend and three of the four others in his 'gang'. '

right - so he hasn't actually been sep from all of his friends then? the school have just split up a 5 boy 'gang', probably for very good reasons, to a 2/3 split between the classes. probably to allow that strong friendship group to have less dominance in one class? so the odd one boy moving over the summer (whose parents must have had a genuine reason to discuss with HT - sn?) still kept it at a 2/3 split for the original 'gang', so each of them had at least one friend from the original friendship group in the class?

so if your boy gets moved, you are leaving one of the original gang in a class (genuinely) with no friends from the original 'gang'?

or have i misread that?

i'd say you have no chance at all. and with 3 dcs, we've had no frinds years, pg teacher years, nqt years, nqt who has nervous breakdown and goes on long term sick after 6 weeks years (filled by supply teachers, and after 4 months, a job share ) and, oh, a class where there were 25 ESL students who spoke not a word of english, and a few other years where i hung my head in my heads and expected the worst.

but they were all fine. and ther's no way i'd let any of my kids think that i dictated their classes. a quick shrug and an 'i'm sure it will be fine darling' seem to suffice.

i'm not even going to get inot the mat leave/ promotion thing aspect. tosh. a child with dx sn and support in place would be able to use this as an argument. not an nt kid who wants to be with his mates.

hung my head in my hands, clearly. despite the obv, i'm not a multi-headed monster...

Glad Mum2be isn't my dc's teacher - you sound really fed up with parents!

I think this is really unfair. The poster was, understandably, offended by the OP's assumption that teachers returning from maternity leave will not be focused on the job. That is hugely insulting. OP, do you feel that mothers in all careers are probably doing a shoddy job, or does your prejudice just apply to teachers? And wtf is a career teacher? Teaching is a career, any teacher has a career. How do you know this anyway? Did she tell you, "I am a career teacher," or is this an assumption based upon her age, appearance etc etc. Tbh, this makes you seem a little obsessive about the school and the personal lives of its teachers.

I also think that you son finding it difficult to listen to more than one teacher, unless there are SEN you haven't mentioned, sounds a little flaky tbh. He will be moving up to secondary soon and this could be seen as a gentle introduction to the idea of multiple teachers that he will be thrust into then. I think it is probably a good thing that he will get a chance to address this issue before moving up.

We are a primary school but our upper KS2 classes are taught by subject teachers for maths, English, science, French, ICT, swimming and music. Plus specialist coaches who visit. Our children with statements cope

I was a bit shocked at the 'career teacher' as if they were a breed apart! A job share can be much the best option, you have 2 lots of expertise and since they both put in more than they strictly have to, you get a lot more from them than one teacher + they are fresh for the whole week.
I would relay the positives to your DS, he isn't going to get changed at this late stage-not when you don't have a particular reason that would be above anyone else's reason.

I think school should be clearer with you OP, on their reasons. Otherwise...

I know it's worrying, DD had a very similar switch for y2 (she was a very shy child, and the ONLY child who moved classes & away from all her friends). Her y2 class also involved 2 different teachers (one off on Mat.Leave after ?6 weeks, and the replacement teacher DD had already met a few times & was adathat she deeply loathed). I won't go into all the details (many issues that others have suggested here did apply), but in spite of my great reservations, it was the best thing ever.

She blossomed in the new group, and came on leaps and bounds in confidence (which helped her deal with novel situations in other areas of life, too). ; I was wrong & school did very well to move DD when they did.

Sorry, but lots of people will think the same as you about those 2 teachers not having "their minds completely on the job". Somebody's children have to go into that class, is your DS best able in his group of 4 to cope with a bit of chop and change (you haven't said otherwise?).

oops, typo messup in last post, "adathat"="adamant that"

Being able to make new friends is an important skill.I livein a small village with only about 50 in the school.They all go to village football club,tennis club, Beavers together and often families holiday together.It's a huge shock when they go to secondary- school feeds 2 comps, secondary modern, grammar and 2 faith schools.they are rarely in a class with anyone they know and at the age of 11 have never had to make new friends before.

Dear God, some warm and caring comments here. I know how difficult it is having your child separated from friendship groups; it happened to my DD, it was a disaster and in line with some of the more helpful comments on here, decided to move schools. This is a drastic measure and was taken after further issues arose and was the right decision in the long term.

We have the same issues at our primary school with numerous teachers in and out of year groups. No, it generally doesn't work, but this is down to the personalities involved. One driven, career minded teacher and one the direct opposite never works and has resulted in them barely communicating, bad staff room atmosphere etc. Yes, other staff do talk.

I had never even considered that teachers returning from maternity leave minds were not on the job, but to my surprise I can tell you it is a very hot topic amongst the cliquier elements in the playground and you are certainly not alone in this thinking.

As we have this teacher this year, time will tell. She has already been told to tone down her shouting (or roaring like a dinosaur according to the children). Your child knows the score, but try not to let him pick up on your anxieties. Go with your instincts, you know whats best for your child.

I can tell you it is a very hot topic amongst the cliquier elements in the playground

My advice is always keep away from the cliquier elements in the playground and certainly don't give them any credence.

I agree they usually have their own agenda and use others purely for their own benefit

We had a similar issue with DD1 at the end of last term. Out of a group of 5 friends she was the only one in her class. Academically she would have coped well, but emotionally she's a bit insecure. I emailed the headteacher and explained that i was concerned about her being isolated, fully expecting him to say they'd review at half term.

As it happened there was a boy in the same class with the same problem, so DD1 and one of this boy's friends were swapped on the last day of term. She's not with the teachers i'd have chosen, but she'll continue to do well and have her friends around her.

I think earlier on in her school life it wouldn't have been an issue, but she's starting KS2 and i wanted to make sure she was settled.

Both classes this year are a jobshare, and they tend to do very well. You may find classes are split into ability groups for some subjects anyway!

Tonks- so they made the boy's friend swap !!! shock

Don't worry. They're in class to do lessons, not hang out with their mates. Playtime is for that - they won't be separated then.

And your comment that a new mother might not have her mind on the job is hugely insulting.

Thanks for all the kind and thoughtful comments people have been so nice to leave. But I have to tell some of you ladies, I've never experienced such a tidal wave of judgement! Blimey, it was like being tried in some curtain-twitching kangaroo court. I think some of you need to get off those high, high horses before you come a right cropper. And it was interesting to note that some of the fluffiest screen names had the most vindictive attitudes. Professor Umbridge, anyone?

But I have to tell some of you ladies, I've never experienced such a tidal wave of judgement! Blimey, it was like being tried in some curtain-twitching kangaroo court. I think some of you need to get off those high, high horses before you come a right cropper.

Have you actually read some of your own comments regarding the 'suitability' of teachers for your son OP?

i'm sure the mat leave teachers and those who have been recently promoted felt exactly the same way about your insulting judgements, rightrev.

people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

I know it?s not popular with some, but schools have to balance the needs of all the children! For the OPs child is sounds like 60 children, so everyone can?t have exactly what they want. Sad, for some, but unavoidable. I agree it sounds like splitting 5 boys into a two and a three. There is probably a very good reason for this, but parents aren?t always made aware of it all, due the need for confidentiality. Many posters understood this and realising there was nothing they could tell you to do, rightrevauntiemackerel, to get the head to move your son, have supported you by the suggestions they made.
Your error, IMO, was to make your judgments about the teachers as the crux of your case. The majority of mumsnetters are working mums. Criticising a mother?s ability to do a good job because she has just returned from maternity leave, and someone who has worked hard to receive a promotion, hits nerves with many of us here. Add to that the fact that many of us are also teacher mums makes it even more hurtful. So I?m not surprised some have been ?judgmental?, they are following your lead and defending when they feel attacked by you.
I arrange swaps like this regularly. We know we can?t keep all the people happy; we know we will get abuse from parents who can?t have their own way. But we are not doing it to be awkward. As I said it?s to balance the needs of everyone. I can see you are very upset by it all, and I am sorry you feel like that, but it is highly likely to be fine, as long as you let it be OK for your son.