dreading going back to school next week

[mycatoscar]

I am a teacher and dreading going back to school because of my TA. I am putting this here because I am hoping some other teachers and of course all you assertive sensible mnetters might have some advice for me! I dont want to post this on a teaching forum because I am concerned someone from school may see it.

I have a TA in my class who constantly questions my decisions about teaching, planning and discipline - sometimes in front of the children. She frequently goes AWOL during the school day to do personal errands and then acts like thats okay. She takes forever to complete a simple task and frequently ignores guidelines I have set for group activities etc.

I dont feel she respects me as the class teacher or as a professional and I also feel I have been very stupid and allowed this to become the norm - I am not a naturally assertive or confident person. But I have realised that this lady is the reason I am dreading going back to work (to the job that I love, in a school where I am otherwise happy).

I have tried talking to other teachers at school but none of them really seem to have a problem with her, or they just dont really offer advice. I have spoken to our SENCO and the deputy head who are the TA's line managers and they have basically skirted round the issue and said that I have left it too long to do anything. I would go to the head and ask advice but that seems like admitting massive failure to me.

I will not let this woman make me feel miserable, I just need to grow some assertiveness in the next 3 days! Any advice very gratefully recieved

Everyone here has given you very sensible advice.

One other way of raising it would be to talk to either her line manager or your line manger and say:

'Because X starts the same time as the children I don't have time to discuss my plans with her in the morning.

Would it be possible to extend her hours so that she starts 15 mins early? Or can you suggest some other time her and I could discuss my plans, because it's affecting her ability to support me in the classroom?'

This then becomes a management problem. Management needs to arrange a time for her and you to discuss plans.....

OP: You've got to pull her aside when possible, but I know that's difficult. Besides documenting things you're dissatisfied with (what when & where), still write it down both when you can & can't confront her immediately, as best you can, and when you've got a pile of paper you can organise & think hard about what you want instead & why the situation was difficult, take that to her & the line managers. Sad to say, because it's a miserable way to deal with a colleague problem, but she's not giving you any choices.

Please forgive me the hijack... I am dreading start of school year because it's start of party season & DS2 never invited to any, which both of us are mostly used to just that sometimes it gets thrown in our faces a bit (ugh). Like other day the football coach announced practice was off due to someone's party, cue much laughing from adults & DS asking birthday boy if he could go (reply=shrug & then the boys were distracted by a ball). Now DS is starting y3 I hope that's the last such incident (X fingers).

And don't let them fob you off with "You've left it too long line" that's bollox; if that was true, nothing would ever change. Once you're psyched up for a group meeting, just stick to your line that these things are unsatisfactory (they are interfering with your ability to do your job properly) & must change in future. Repeat that 60x if you have to.

Very good advice from everyone above. I would add from my own (non teaching) experience, it may help you to analyse exactly why this woman is allowed to get away with what she does.

I had a terrible boss who was insane in many ways similar to your TA in her behaviour (though being my boss she could get away with it more). It happened for a variety of reasons:

1. it was old school public sector and the feeling was it was very hard to get rid of people. We had a totally non-functioning alcoholic on staff who had been this way for 6 years and was only just in the process of being sacked when I was there

2. her boss (and manager of our service within the organisation) was an incredibly sweet woman who took her responsibilities as a boss too much to heart. She felt it was her duty to protect people and enable them to work together by making endless accommodations rather than getting rid of people (which she saw as heinous)

3. in order to protect our financial position, you had to hang onto staff as they'd be difficult to replace.

That helped me to know my way forward - basically it was a crap organisation, but I could carve out my own niche. I could have minor run-ins with this woman, virtually with impunity. I got a lot of credit for just putting up with this woman and eventually I would be moved out of the firing line when I'd paid my dues. That suited me as I was planning a family and so a reliable but dead-end job with good benefits wasn't the end of the world. Long term though I'd say it has been toxic to my confidence, especially after I left to become a SAHM.

Now, your situation is probably very different, but analysed in these terms it might help to tell you what to do. This woman clearly has some kind of hold on the Head and her Line Managers. What is it? Why does it exist? What does it mean for other people? Will they protect you from the damage this difficult person is trying to inflict? (Because they are doing a shit job so far). What has happened with other people this woman has tried to harm? Consider your own position, and form a personal strategy too.

If this situation isn't resolved to your liking, can you move? How long will you give the Head to address this, and in what circumstances would you leave your job? Bullying is when someone makes you feel you have no alternative but to accept a bad situation. Remind yourself of your other options, if only to give you more mental strength to deal with your TA and rubbish line management.

Could you talk to her when the children are at P.E/library/art class?

Will she be there on the first day of term, it is usually in service at school, could you give her the plans and what you want her to do to assist you then?

I agree about being assertive, especially about children needing to gain independence, you haven't asked her to take the register, so she should stay in the class. If she goes anywhere with children then she should also return with them. If she continues to question what you have asked her to do, keep it simple, be as friendly as you can but just say no to her suggestions - repeat what you have asked her to do.

I am not sure how you will record everything, but a record is a great way of reviewing the issues and will show clearly to her line managers where the problem lies.

I am not sure what your relationship with your ht is like, but I would send him/her an e-mail briefly outlining your concerns, and about your feelings of anxiety.

You need support, if you let your ht know your worried, then you should get appropriate support, putting it in an e-mail means they respond by e-mail and everything can be kept simple/to the facts and you have a record.

I would second talking to the Head.

You have talked to the Deputy Head, the TA's line manager and she has said there is nothing she can do, ie she is not prepared to do anything. Therefore, if you need something done, you need to go one step up.

In my DCs' school the TAs get moved around every year. If I were a Head (and I'm not even a teacher so no doubt talking out of my arse!) and was presented with your situation I'd move the TA to the Deputy Head's class.

Shame you didn't speak to the head at the end of term though.

Ask her to familiarise herself with your plans whilst you take the register and the children take it to the office.
I had a similar experience whilst I was a young teacher and felt awful that one person was having such a negative impact on my day. My issues were never resolved, my ht wasn't particularly supportive despite me sending a note to the office every day that the ta was late asking "has X called in sick today, only she hasn't arrived yet..."
I would definitely be much stronger in dealing with similar issues now I am more experienced. Good luck, and don't let one individual spoil the start of your school year.

Some great advice here. I would also be very careful to document all your concerns in writing via e mail rather than just having a word with people. I am a teacher myself and have always found it worth doing this as SMT then are much more likely to respond correctly. I would also focus primarily on the inadequacy of her performance rather than its effect on you. You need to make this about her being a poor TA by questioning your decisions, not carrying out your instructions etc. If line managers do not manage to sort this out you need to be very clear that she will need to be moved to another class.

I am a TA mycat and I am at this behaviour! How disrespectful! I also work the same hours as the children so finding time for meetings can be tricky. Here are some things that work for me & the teacher I support.

She arranges a task for the children to get on with as soon as they come in to give us 5 minutes to talk about the day ahead. They too are very young children so it might be 'talk to your partner about your ideas about (insert subject of choice) or she will put 3 numbers on the board and say (talk to your partner about what you can do with these numbers), you get the drift . . .

Sometimes the Head or Deputy will hold assembly first thing so that we can meet then.

We share break duty so we can talk whilst supervising the children playing.

I am happy to turn up early or leave a bit late but I don't think you could insist on that unless her hours change.

countingdowns suggestion Ask her to familiarise herself with your plans whilst you take the register and the children take it to the office is another good one.

It sounds like she has passive aggressive behaviour which makes it difficult for you to pin down exactly what the problem is without sounding 'picky'. However, it also appears that line managers know what she is like and are just not prepared to call her on it.

Do you have a complaints procedure policy in school? I would suggest take all the advice here (you notice everyone agrees with you so it's not just you), record all the problems and if nothing changes, go to the Head. It is part of SMT's responsibility to deal with situations like this so don't be fobbed off.

I feel so sad that you are dreading going back because of one individual ruining your day. It's horrible and you seem like a reasonable and respectful person.

YANBU,Shwe is a bully.The best thing would be if you could swap her with another class's TA, particularly as she gets on well with the other teachers. She isn't going to change and it doesn't look as though the management aren't going to support you by disciplining her.I have come across this type of situation many times in non-school roles and the best thing is really to get rid. complaining about her will just make things worse.She will hate you and take the p*ss even more and if she is well-liked you will make yourself unpopular with the other staff.

I would not say she is well liked lol! I think most people are just relieved she's my TA so they are off the hook

My plan is to become the smiliest nicest friendliest broken record she has ever met. And am going to ask dh to speak to entire group of ta's to reiterate basic expectations eh arriving on time keeping personal errands to break times etc. I can't see how she can refuse to do this, and if she does I will offer to ask the head to do it instead!

Oh and I am in the process of looking for a new job - for other reasons - so fingers crossed it's not forever

Thank you so much everyone, just to hear you all agreeing with me makes me feel
So much better as you really do begin to think you are the one with the problem with people like this.

I read dh as your husband then - too much mn!
good luck op, hope you are feeling better about going back

And am going to ask dh to speak to entire group of ta's to reiterate basic expectations eh arriving on time keeping personal errands to break times etc.

Only one problem with this mycat. In my experience, when this is done it soon becomes clear that the 'message' is being directed to everyone when it's only intended for one person. Causes a bit of resentment against the rest of the staff who come out of meeting thinking what was that all about? I'm already doing everything I'm supposed to. What's their problem

And the person to who it was really addressed can just join in with everyone else and shrug their shoulders saying, yes, don't know what they're on about there

It's far better to ask the Head or Deputy Head to speak to the individual in private if necessary, allow them to have their say and then help them set out the 'ground rules' with you.

Hmmm point taken thank you, will take a deep breath and put my assertive boots on then, that and keep looking at jobs!