primary school deferring question. Have I made a terrible mistake?

[preschoolly]

DD is just four. She has a place at the highly regarded primary school at the end of the road. We had the choice of whether to send her to Reception in Sept or Jan.

Had a meeting with the Head, who strongly pushed Jan to those with younger kids. Strongly enough for me to decide to defer dd (who gets very tired) but not strongly enough for many other parents in the attached preschool to do the same. So dd is going to have a term with three others from her school year and 21 from the year below.

Other problem is, she has made great friends in her nursery class. They've decided to keep that class together as one of the classes going up (2 form entry school) and the pm nursery class together for the other. BUT, nursery teachers say there is no guarantee dd will join her friends when she moves up. All they keep saying is "children are very robust"

Well yes, but I didn't do this so she would be robust, but because I (and the Head) thought it was best for younger children. Dd is not about to struggle academically with Reception work, but I'm worried that nursery will not be able to prepare her adequately with so many new kids to settle and that she'll miss proper settling in time. Have I mucked all of this up, and if I have, what can I do?

I'm not sure how it works down south as I am in Scotland but I deferred Dd and she went later and it's done her wonders as it's helped her mature all over. My dd was always bright but emotionally and socially needed the time to mature and cope with the changes.

She's 11 now and was annoyed with me at first but she settled within a month at her new nursery class and coped with the move to school too.

My twin boys started in Jan (a good few years back now) and went into reception where they knew no one and were joining kids who'd been together from nursery. They settled very quickly. I don't think friendships are very set at this age.

I think your daughter will be fine whatever happens. She'll just get used to making new friends in a new class and accept that her old friends got assigned a different class. She's 4, not 14. If you feel she tires easily, spending the first term constantly worn out and in a bad mood from being exhausted (then being told off ) is not going to help her enjoy her school year either.

My DD was split up from her nursery friends at start of school due to various factors and within a month she had made new friendships and was not bothered in the least.

We didn't have the choice, there is no Jan intake now. But, saying that, dd as shy as she is was absolutely fine starting school at four (nearly five). A couple of her friends from private nursery attended the same school but ended up in the other class so she didn't really know anyone. It didn't bother her one bit. Bothered me of course, 2008 my baby started primary and my bigger baby started secondary....I cried for weeks

I am July birthday and started school in January rather than September. I don't remember having any problems settling. Mind you I was also 4 so not likely to remember much!

More recently, as a nanny a couple of years ago one of my charges started Reception in January. The extra term in nursery really helped him mature and be better prepared for full time school. In terms of the social side of things, his best friend started in September instead and it had no impact on their friendship. They are still great friends now :)

I can see this is a tough call either way but I don't think there is any terrible mistake.

This looks huge from your side of things as you have the build up to starting school but she will settle, make friends and in a year's time, this won't semm like such a big deal

(speaking from experience here!)

I don't think you've made a mistake, but neither do I see why you can't chnage your mind if you're having doubts-the school have to allow that option, and others are doing the same. Surely, if this was a 'what would you like' (as it should be) discussion, you could change your mind now?

I think, because of the funding, it's very hard to change your mind, also I doubt we'd have the childcare in place in time now. I suppose I'm just annoyed that I assumed that dd would know some of her class when she went up (one reason they push the associated preschool onto us all is that they say the children settle better because of it and the friends they make) - but now they have left us in the position that she will either know most of her class, or absolutely nobody, and they won't tell us which one it will be.

My dd2 is a late entrant into her school - all her friends from nursery (including her best friend) are in one class while she is in the other. So you have my sympathy. If you can't change your mind, then you just have to hope for the best. But do make sure that the head is aware of how strongly you feel about your dd being with her friends.

Thanks all. I emailed the Head, and think I've sorted it so dd can have literacy/phonics with Reception, and the rest of the time in preschool, and will go up into the class with her friends in Jan . I think that's the best outcome for dd, although will probably be a right royal pain for the school.