I never thought I would ever say this, but please come and talk to me about HOME SCHOOLING!

[pinkytheshrinky]

I had two DD - DD1 is 10 and she is dyspraxic - just finally starting to be able to read (suddenly and very well) and my other DD is 7.5 and has dyslexia, dyspraxia, attention deficit and is showing signs of mild Asperger's. School have been helpful but are trying to get rid of DD2 into a special school as she is about to go into Juniors and cannot cope in her peer group and the older one although now reading at a low average level is not by any means fulfilling her considerable potential and is finding the social elements at her school problematic.

We have gone to see a very well respected Ed Psych who apart from diagnosing the issues for them has fundamentally said your DDs need something else. We cannot afford full time private schooling for them both and she suggested home schooling...... not at all what I thought she would say. Apart I am raising children who are 'exceptional' of course being like this when you are a child is a problem for fitting in but she said it is what will make them successful as adults - provided we get this bit right and not allow them to be crushed by their current provision......

We have found a small school to which they can go part time and I am thinking of home schooling them for the other part of the week.

Am I bloody bonkers? Without the prompting by this lady I would never have had the confidence to make that decision but given all the other options presented either sending DD2 to a residential special school and splitting up our family it seems like a great idea. There is also no provision for my older DD to get help with her dyspraxia because her scores are low average to she will not warrant a statement. DD2 will get one but the school she is at have said even with that they cannot help out with her social interaction stuff and she is already being bullied because socially she is awkward.

I know it is a big step, I know I will have to up their extra curricular stuff and keep them socialised, but am I mad as a bag of spiders or can I do this?

I don't think you are bonkers at all. If it works for your dd's and helps them both educationally and with confidence/self esteem then that's great. Also, it isn't necessarily a "forever" decision. You can try it and think again if it doesn't work.

Don't worry, you weren't overreacting, I should save my jokes for people who know me in real life...

Speaking of real life, you may find that once you have tried home education for a while, you'll no longer feel that it distances your kids from the real world and hampers their ability to cope with it. In fact, a lot of home educators take the opposite view.

School is really quite an unusual environment, if you think about it. It doesn't bear much resemblance to any of the environments where I've spent time in my adult life. Many of the social skills which are useful and appropriate at school are unhelpful out in the wider world.

I agree with you that it's good for children to have the opportunity to spend time away from their parents developing their independence as they feel ready to do so. However, there are many ways for children to do this outside of school. At school, even teenagers are fairly closely supervised and have less choice than they might like about how to spend their time and how to interact with others. They may be independent from parents, but are they learning to be self-reliant in general?

It seems to me that my daughter gets a better taste of independence in the real world when she does the supermarket shopping on her own, chats with old ladies in the bus queue, and goes bowling with her friends. She tried school for a term last year and felt it was rather restrictive. At school there were rules in place to protect children, one-size-fits-all rules which could not accommodate each child's particular capabilities and needs in the same way that parents' rules can. This isn't meant as a criticism of schools: it's hard to see how else they could operate, since a few adults have to supervise large numbers of children whom they don't know very well, so they need these rules. But that doesn't foster independence.

This isn't directly relevant to your situation, since it sounds as if neither of your girls is school phobic - but I have been reading Mike Fortune-Wood's book "Can't Go, Won't Go: An Alternative Approach to School Refusal". The author says that while "everyone knows" that a child who is socially withdrawn at school is likely to retreat further into himself if he is allowed to leave school, in fact there is no evidence that this actually happens. Apparently just the opposite tends to happen: children's confidence increases as they cope successfully with everyday social situations outside of school.

Saracen - No they are not refusing to go but they are unhappy and I do feel like it bends them out of shape......

I have actually felt a bit like that from day one when they went to school - I always had a feeling that it wasn't quite right but thought it was about me being a bit of a weirdo rather than it not being the right place for them. I have carried on and on with school even though I felt uneasy and knowing there were problems because I just didn't see another way. I feel foolish now because it all seems so obvious but I kept thinking that the school would want to do the right thing - it turns out now that they are happy to turf my little DD out into a unit (that they say is not right for her) just to relieve themselves of the burden.. They are being very polite but they want her to leave. She is costing them a great deal on school action plus and she will not be able to do her SATS. Older DD too is on school action plus.

And amazing and wise words about the 'real worldness' thing - I just hadn't thought about it like that. My older DD is particularly socially adept, (if you asked anyone who knew her they would say this is her strongest skill actually!!) is kind always helps people and can talk to anyone etc. It is ONLY school she finds she is at odds with... I honestly had not realised that.... It just shows you how programmed I am as a parent to try and make her fit in with something that is actually not a real situation at all.

Flipping heck, I just didn't realise that at all.. you have really opened my eyes Saracen. I think I have been too close to the problem to really see the wider picture. Thanks for your great input despite my surly words..........

I was in a similar position to you pinky - my son has Aspergers and couldn't cope at mainstream primary although he is very bright. Like your dd2, he struggled with social interaction and also anxiety. I gave very serious thought to homeschooling and I know many families with children on the autistic spectrum who are doing it successfully. It is something I did for two terms while DS was out of school, but we decided in the end to send him to a residential special school.

I think there is a lot that is offered at his school which would be difficult to replicate in a homeschool situation - he takes part in more off-site group activities (supervised by care staff) and has social contact with other children with similar interests. This was always difficult for me to develop as there are no social groups for AS children here and he has no friends in his home town now because of his social difficulties. He's unable to take part in mainstream extra-curricular activities due to his meltdowns and need for supervision. Also, he has daily access to SALT and sensory OT which has made a huge difference. It's also part of the school curriculum to develop self-awareness and understanding of ASD so he feels much less self-conscious about it, especially as all the students there are on the spectrum.

We had to battle with our LEA to get a statement and for them to fund the school placement - if we hadn't won I would have decided to homeschool than send him to an unsuitable school. All the families I know who have ended up homeschooling have much happier children than before, but it's made a big impact on their lifestyle and finances, as providing an education for ASD children costs so much more and you are footing the bill for everything, including any therapies. I enjoyed homeschooling DS while he was awaiting his placement, but I wouldn't have wanted to commit to it for years, as I have my own career and interests too.

So what I'm saying is, while homeschooling can be a very good option, do investigate all the schooling options first, as they may surprise you. Your OP seems negative towards special schools ('rid of dd2 into a special school'), probably because most LEA special schools don't offer academic progress. DS' school is academic and all students take GCSEs - but most special schools that offer this are non-maintained rather than LEA schools.

A friend who is head of special needs at a Northamptonshire school recommended this link - www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cambridgeshire-13930668

My dd is dyspraxic and is HE. There is a MN home education group on FB which is very good please feel free to send a request to join.

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