Hi, lexie01. I have a ds2 like your dd - he started reception last September able to read fluently (he even reads Harry Potter books to himself), loving maths (quite capable of doing the work in maths his brother's peers were learning in year 2) and puzzles, etc. I wouldn't be annoyed about phonics if I were you, though, unless your dd taught herself to read by sitting herself through a phonics programme... I think phonics teaching does help with spelling strategies for children and it isn't limited to the basics of what individual letters "sound" like, or simple letter combinations, like ai, oi, etc, etc. At the start of reception, ds2 didn't really write much - not independent writing, that is, rather than just copying words he saw around him. Now, at the end of the year, he can write independently at some length (including correct punctuation, capital letters, etc, etc), with good spelling, and what he writes is always comprehensible, because what is spelt wrongly is spelt phonically. Without phonics teaching, I'm not convinced his attempts would be quite so plausible - he may be able to read well, but that does not automatically translate into someone being a good speller from an early age.
Yes, he did have a patch during his reception year of being disenchanted, but to be fair to the teachers, I think that was more to do with the fact that, unfortunately for him, there doesn't appear to be another child in the year yet working at anywhere near the same academic level as he is and that can be quite isolating - he finds what the others are learning and doing a bit boring and simplistic (including the way they play), but doesn't want to be off on his own all the time, either - so yes, he sometimes has to be bored/play with what everyone else wants to play with, rather than playing with things in a way that he would like to. Yes, he probably would be happy to stop "learning through play," already - he likes structure and constant challenge (unlike his brother, who is very bright, but very scared of difficulty or failure, but who also has got happier the more structured the work has become and who is really looking forward to the more formal work of KS2). I'm hoping that next year, when he is in KS1 and the school starts phase teaching, the school will be able to cater for him better, in that the other children in his year will by then be more mature, so hopefully the gap between him and the others won't be so big, and hopefully he will also get to work with some older children in some subjects (whilst remaining with his peers most of the time, as he may intellectually be capable of working with older children and may cope OK socially most of the time, given his experience with his older brother, but he is still physically and emotionally a 5-year old). Until then, I'm stuck with a child who looks like a reception child, but thinks he's the same age as his older brother and tends to behave like it. I do think, nevertheless, that he has learnt a lot in his year in reception.