incident at school due to dd friend's uncontrollable temper

[Onthefringe]

Bit of a long moan I'm afraid.

Really don't know how to handle latest problem with girl (C) dd is really close to at school. Most of the time they seem to get on fine but C suffers really bad mood swings and has recently launched a full scale assault on my dd, kicking, punching etc. (I say assault cos dd made no attempt to defend herself and just stood there, shocked while C continually hit her).

I've listened to the circs leading upto the assault and whilst there were the usual niggles and aggravations there was nothing that warranted the level of violence C took.

I'm really concerned on both levels for dd & for C. I've known C's parents for some time now and know quite a bit of her mother's family background which involves quite a lot of vioence from father & sister but C's mother seems well adjusted and unaffected by her childhood issues. I keep reading up on Intermittent Explosive Disorder and can't help thinking it fits C perfectly. All advice on this states it's vital to seek prof help asap so it doesn't lead to further probs in later life, but how to broach the subject when C's mother clearly doesn't see it as a health issue. Equally am I guilty of letting my knowledge of her family background colour my opinions.

As far as my dd concerned she's seems to have forgiven C but in addition to this latest problems there have been other issues, (C can be very controlling, often tells lies and she's very manipulative). If this was a marriage I'd be telling my daughter to get out but it's a school "friend" and I believe she has to learn to get on with all types in life. No one else in the class behaves like this and I'm really stumped.

Have you spoken to the teacher yet?

What age are they? Could hormones be playing a part?

The girls are both 8 and have been in school together since nursery (age 3) could possibly be start of hormones but C has always been a moody child. When she's happy she's great company and good fun but her moods change v. quick and from the age of 6 onwards has been getting other children into trouble by reporting incidents which either later turn out not to be true or grossly exagerated.

Other children in the class reported it to the teacher and both dd & C were totally distraught and in tears but class teacher did not contact me. dd said that they weren't spoken to and teacher just put it down to a disagreement and I don't think she really grasped how frightening the whole thing was for both of them. I have spoken to C's mum and she said C was v upset about and C has apologised but it seems to be the latest problem amongst a whole set of other problems eg. her controlling behaviour.

Make an appointment to see the teachet and the Head and explain how frightened your daughter was and how concerned you are. Explain that in an adult this would be calssed as assault and that the school have a duty of care to protect your daughter. They also have a duty of care to C to help her understand and control her anger. Also strees that the violence is not the only issue that concerhns you about the friendship and that the intensity and one sided nature of the power balance is also of great concern.

I would also be telling your daughter (gently) to try and withdraw from the friendship for a bit and to stay away from C. How many classes are there in the year next year? I would seriously consider asking if they could be split up too.

Thanks for your responses, I have definitely considered cooling off the friendship for a while and there'll definitely be no contact outside school in near future. It's difficult in school only one class per year & her class is quite small.

I will make an appointment to see teacher and head though as I think this may be only way to raise concern to C's mum about possible causes for her anger.

yea see the Head. Good luck