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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

pushy mum?

20 replies

worriedfordd · 30/06/2011 21:35

It has come to my attention that i have gained a reputation at my ds's primary school as a pushy/competetive parent(pushy?to be fair yes this is true,competetive however is not at all true),my worry is that my ds may be descriminated against by the teachers because of this and i would hate for any feelings that his teachers may have about me to be taken out on ds,do you think this could happen?

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BlueberryPancake · 30/06/2011 21:39

no. Why do you think it would? I don't see the logic personally. Why would a teacher discriminate against a child who is pushed at home?

AbigailS · 30/06/2011 21:44

Your child won't be discriminated against, in fact it's often the opposite as the teachers have huge sympathy for a child that they believe has a pushy / competitive parent.
PS In your opinion what is it that makes you pushy, but NOT competitive? Not aimed as a dig at you, just as a teacher I would find it useful to know.

mercibucket · 30/06/2011 21:46

it's the opposite - teachers push the children of pushy parents to achieve more - at least that's one theory. I've never heard it said the other way round

Original poster

worriedfordd · 30/06/2011 21:53

abigail I'm not competetive as i want my ds to do well to the best of his abilities and not according to what ever the other dc are doing iyswim
for example i'm not one of these parents who would compete with other parents over reading levels etc

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blackeyedsusan · 30/06/2011 21:53

I would say that pushy can mean bothering the teacher about this that and the other, (and not understanding why the child is not in the top group for everything even though they are not capable) or pushy could be just wanting your child to achieve their best regardless of others. competitive is wanting your child to be the best out of everyone.

Original poster

worriedfordd · 30/06/2011 22:03

susan i would say i have bothered the teacher,mainly when ds has complained of books being too easy,however i do just want him to do the best he can,certainly not to be "the best" as that is just far to much pressure for a child,but just to be the best he can be as an individual iyswim

OP posts:

BlueberryPancake · 30/06/2011 22:14

Surely 'be the best he can' and 'achieve the best regardless of others' is a bit excessive. You are setting him up to compete against himself. This might make him feel different from the others in his class, but it's up to you, each to his own.

If he is not challenged by the books at school, just give him better books at home. No big deal. No need to bother the teacher about that.

Ds is bored with the books from school so we get him better books (about cars and animals, they are his favorite subjects. He is not bothered about fictional characters such as Biff, etc...).

blackeyedsusan · 30/06/2011 22:21

I don't think it is bothering them when the books are too easy, that's communicating.

blue berry, you don't have to force them to be the best they can be, that is counterproductive, though it could be seen as one definition of pushy. pushy to me implies something negative, whereas encouraging is positive...

was just trying to define terms as i see them.

Scholes34 · 01/07/2011 12:01

Your behaviour and consequent reputation has obviously caused you concern. If it bothers you, just reign it in. I doubt anyone would take anything out on your DS, but your reputation for being pushy and demanding will be hard to shake off.

thankyouforcats · 01/07/2011 12:08

How do you know that you are thought of as pushy. Maybe you are just thought of as interested in what your ds is doing.

wordsonapage · 01/07/2011 12:17

Don't worry, most parents will be hiding from you.
You can start again with a new teacher next term. You being a nightmare doesn't have to be set in stone.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 01/07/2011 14:43

wordson, I am not sure that's true. If the child continues at the same school, the rep of the parent is known.

wordsonapage · 01/07/2011 15:48

She can change
I have a firm believe that with a merry smile and a bag of cash home baked biscuits, the new year teacher will overlook past indiscretions.
it doesn't matter about the other parents shurely ?

fairydoll · 01/07/2011 15:56

What makes you think you have a reputation of being pushy?

sillybillies · 01/07/2011 22:37

worriedfordd - if all you've done is given feedback on the reading, then that's not pushy but as somebody else said, its just communicating. I regularly comment on how well my dd read a book (too easy or more recently that she found it hard). I assumed the teacher would find this information useful. Pushy would be demanding he went up a level or such like.
I wouldn't worry as next year's teacher may have a completely different perspective of you.

aries12 · 02/07/2011 09:11

If you feel you are being "labelled" as "pushy" then you probably should keep a low profile with the new teacher for a while! I would not worry about it and if all you do is keep tabs on the reading progress then that should not be a problem. Teachers sometimes prefer parents to be showing an interest and is that not bettter than parents who never look inside their children's school bags and then complain to everyboy who will listen that their darlings can't do that impossible homework.
If you feel you are in constant communication with the teacher then maybe you should consider leaving time for other Mum's to raise their concerns too and ensure that you are not always the "demanding" one. At the end of the day you have your child's interest at heart.

WesternIsle · 02/07/2011 13:41

My dd goes to and from school on the bus 5 days a week - I worked out I had not stepped foot into school for 7 weeks, I only write in the comment book - "Pg X next - well read". Nothing more.

I went in last Thursday, as had day off work, collected my dd, saw her teacher - said 'Hi Mrs X - everything all ok?', got told 'All was fine, and I needed to stop being an anxious parent, and let her get on with it.'

I am presuming this was either a) sarcastic - as in a dig at me for being a completely hands off parent or b) I was mistaken for someone else!!!

mixedmamameansbusiness · 02/07/2011 14:07

Agree with the reading thing. We just read our own books, use the library, let DS find a programme on the TV listings etc. Many of the mums in our class think the books are too easy and yep the characters are soooo boring. We read it, comment and move on.

Like everyone has already said, maybe step back a bit with the teachers and do your thing with your child. Pick your battles and all that jazz.

ragged · 02/07/2011 14:13

Just asking for harder reading books sounds pretty tame, must be more than that; did you ask about it daily or something like that?

BooToYouToo · 02/07/2011 19:29

Worriedfford - don't think other parents will judge you for asking for harder books. What they will judge is if you try to change the teaching to suit your child. We had a mum who constantly complained spellings were to easy when others in the class were in tears every Friday before the test. She managed to get herself on to the board of governors but thankfully 2 years my DS has the same spellings as my DD had.

Recently the year 4 had to design something to carry a tennis ball across the school pool. Most came up with variations on a raft made from junk items. But pushy mum's DS rocked up with a galleon built out of polystyrene complete with working sails and toy soldiers as sailors

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