Intolerant Year 3 DD been allowed to Choose Wrong Food Stuffs at School Meals - Whose Responsible??

[rockinhippy]

DD has an IBS diagnosis, triggers been stress, Lactose & Food additives, artificial sweeteners, preservatives, colours etc - common triggers according to her Gastro specialist & Dietician, but because we are used to dealing with it, know her triggers etc, we mostly manage it well & shes not often ill any more,

DDS School has a new cook, up to now I have been patient as I understand a lot of kids to cope with & DD doesn't usually have school meals - mainly because DD complains she doesn't like new cooks food - lots of pizza with onions etc etc - so I mostly give her packed lunches, but my own health problems mean I sometimes need a break & do put her in for some School meals - with the previous Cook we NEVER had any problems with this & DD was never given/allowed to choose foods that would make her ill.

a few weeks ago Dd was given a cheese wrap as apparently they had ran out of vegetarian food, or so DD thought - cue raging diareah & stomach pain that night & the next morning

I updated DDs allergy note, adding a photo & clear instructions on what she can & can't safely eat, thinking this would help new cook - handed it into the office, who assured me cook HAD been told of DDs problems already - which I trust to be the truth - next School lunch she has her School friends Mum who works there spots DD with a food she thought she couldn't eat & queried it with the cook - cook insists she knows nothing about DDs problems

So I speak with office again, & give more copies of print out with photo - office annoyed - not with me - says cook DEFINITELY knows, but she will pass on.

Tonight I have only just managed to get DD to bed, doubled up with stomach pain & diareah since 7pm - because she was given a cheese ploughmans & yoghurt for School lunch

I'm really pissed off about it, as chances are DD will be ill in the morning too & may not even be well enough for School & I'm thinking of putting a formal complaint in writing as regards new cook ignoring allergy advice given.

BUT my question is --at age 8 - year 3 - would DD be expected to make a decision for herself?? - she is bright, old for her age, so I do encourage her to take responsibility for herself & she does know some things can make her very ill & she shouldn't eat them - but she loves cheese & didn't like the other option as it was full of onion, which she hates (don't all kids ?? - she can eat some cheeses, but not the basic mild cheap cheddar they would serve at school & gets confused - she also gets confues with live yogurt been okay & other not.

So can anyone please tell me, from a Schools point of view, am I right to complain over this cook ??

Thanks

( & please excuse waffle typos etc - fighting migraine from hell )

You should simplify what your dd is and is not allowed out of the home so that your dd understands it and can stick to it.

Dairy free would be far simpler to stick to than this cheese but not that, this yoghurt but not that etc.

Your health must be extremely bad if you can't manage to make a child's packed lunch. Is there anyone else who could? Do you have other adults in the house? In y3 she's old enough to make her own packed lunch, no? Wouldn't that be the best solution?

It sounds way too risky for her to have the school lunches; even if you sort it out with this cook, there's the possibility of supply staff & you're back to square one. And that's leaving out the risk of contamination.

If our school cook randomly changed the menu I'd be complaining to the head. Why publish a menu and not stick to it?

because suppliers fail to deliver orders and the cook is forced to use what is available instead or in the case of our school the freezer failed and she had to cook everything so there was a huge variety of unexpected meals on offer.

If it is a daily occurrence I'd expect the cook to change the supplier. Obviously accidents happen but not every day to completely change the menu.

just to reiterate what I've already said above - DD CAN & DOES know what she can & can't eat safely, she's been managing her allergies well since much younger & is fine in a party situation or similar I can safely leave her to manage herself :) -

the problem has in part arisen because she TRUSTS the School to give her what she can safely eat, as they always have in the past - as I have done myself- all the food for example is additive free -

but I have been thinking on it further & realise that some of this problem also has a lot to do with the different types of food the new cook is now serving up

I've never known them offer anything with uncooked cheese for example, nor have I ever known them not to have enough veggie food, so give out a cheese wrap as a sub for a meal, - DD CAN safely eat cooked cheese & as previously all cheese/dairy stuff was cooked there was never a problem with her lactose intolerance & School meals

DD is down to have fruit, not puddings, though I don't mind now & again that the School have ignored this & she chooses a pudding as she is a very healthy eater - but DD doesn't like yoghurt at all, so she would never normally choose it - but she tells me the new cooks puddings are awful so that was all she could bare to try & eat - (she does like some flavours of live drinking yoghurts only)

DD has also said that she is embarrassed to ask if things are safe for her, she thinks its insulting the cook who as a person she likes a lot, as there are other options, but as the cook puts large visible chunks of onion in most things which is one of very few things DD won't eat, she's finding the choice she has very limited.

I wouldn't have a problem with the menu not been as it should be some days - shit happens to change plans & thats just life, I doubt it happens that way all the time, that would be a different matter all together.

& no, no-one else with a similar name, DD has a more unusual name & there isn't another in her School at all.

I can be too ill to make a pack up - but WILL push myself through it & make one anyway, but as DD sometimes LIKES to have School meals, having a few nights off because I felt too rough was no biggie - or so I thought until this situation arose - DD also has favourites on the menu - which she has enjoyed this week without problems too.

My reception ds has multiple food allergies and he can work this out. He'll even argue with me if I give him something that is red as to whether its OK (he can't have tomatoes). So I would expect by yr3 they are able to make a good decision when it makes them that ill.

YANBU.What if your DD had been allergic rather than intolerant, she could be dead by now!
The trouble is you are being far too nice and reasonable.they are making serious errors which are affecting your child's health.Give them a bollocking!!!Oh and put your complaint in writing!

I used to chop onions as small as I could because DD1 hated them with a passion, but she copped on and would spend most of dinnertime searching for them and picking minute pieces of onion out of her meal. So I then used large chunks that she could identify and remove easily and quickly get on with her meal... Could your DD pick out the onion pieces and eat the rest?

She should be able to make her own packed lunch when you are too ill to do so. Make sure everything is in accessible places and she'll be fine to do it.

Honestly, I think packed lunches are the way to go. Your daughter's dietry needs are complicated, add to that her dislike of certain foods and her willingness to eat stuff she shouldn't and I think it will be very difficult to ensure she is safe on school dinners.

Unfortunately I think it is more difficult to get children with delayed reactions to foods to police their pwn diets successfully than those for whom the consequences are immediate. Most allergic children are terrified of the foods that make them ill and have rapid, negative enforcement of any mistakes (hives, vomiting, anaphalaxis) to drive the message home (my ds1 is 5 and wouldn't touch a nut if I begged him on bended knee - a bit of a prob cause they want to do a nut challenge on him next year). But delayed reactions plus being able to tolerate a little of something but not a lot makes experimentation much more tempting.

My DD is 5 and can't drink milk but can eat dairy products in small doses. Too much makes her vomit. She has been managing this herself since she started school. She knows for example, that if she has cheese in the main meal then she can't have yoghurt as it will make her vomit. Likewise, if she really wants a yoghurt for pudding then she knows she must choose a main meal without dairy. At 8 I would expect your DD to understand this and to make the right choices herself.

The problem is that you are talking to the office staff and not the person serving the food to your child. You have no idea who has said what to who and how much notice was taken of it. If it was a life threatening allergy would they be so blaise about it?

So ask to speak to the cook yourself and if you get nowhere speak to the head about it (or possibly as well so they are aware there is a problem).

If the root of the issue is you are choosing a meal that is then swapped from what you paid for then you need to make sure they inform you in advance so you can change your plans or to get the situation changed so that what is stated as being on offer is what is provided.

We have a year 3 child in school who has coeliac disease. He knows what he can choose for his lunch, and what he shouldn't have. Sounds like it's more complicated for your daughter, but I think she needs to develop the ability to say 'no'. Maybe ask her teacher or a trusted adult to pop in at the beginning to check she has the right lunch? This is something I would be prepared to do - it only takes 2 minutes after all.

please could any further posters READ the thread & my updates BEFORE adding further comments - I have already covered ALL the points raised already

& I'm pleased for those of you that seem to see this as a "my DC is so clever, they could do this at XX age" boasting thread, have such bright DCs - but if you read properly you would see that is NOT the issue here & my DD IS exactly the same in her ability to manage her own dietary restrictions & probably since even younger

Thank You :)

I would simplify it too, both for the school and your DD - is her allergy note quite complex for the cook to remember? Rather than no lactose, additives etc just make it NO DAIRY.

If your DD is uncomfortable telling the cook she's given her the wrong thing, maybe get her to ask - "is this dairy?" - which will hopefully prompt the cook to remember that she can't have dairy.

Sorry a few more posts added whilst I was typing - I'm very slow ATM :)

DD WILL have to be on packed lunches & a further restricted diet for a little while, but that is a direct result of her eating a trigger food for her IBS, as (according to gastro Doc) it inflames her stomach/colon & makes her system more sensitive to hard to digest foods, so she will have to be on wheat & Diary free for about a week.

Some of her intolerances ARE pretty instant, but not the lactose intollerance.

Office staff ARE very efficient & know DD well & without going into detail it was obvious on speaking with them the second time that they were also cross this has happened.

I HAVE now put in a letter to the Head & don't doubt for one second that it will be dealt with properly - not least as fairydoll as points out, had it been someone elses child with a more sever type of allergy the consequences could have been far worse - but even putting that aside, we are lucky that DDs Head & School staff in general ARE brilliant & take all complaints & ALL the Kids welfare very seriously - they've proved that time & again in the past :)

DD can make her own packed lunch, but some of the things she needs to eat/avoid doesn't make this an easy daily option - for example she is going to need to be on maki rolls or corn wraps for the next week or so - & cannot normally eat bread daily anyway -

this isn't the issue/question - that was simply my trying to gauge from a Schools point of view how much responsibility they would expect her to take for herself at this age & therefore how strongly I approached this as a complaint - many of you were a big help in deciding that - thank you :)

Really, if the cook is substituting items, then it is not fair to expect your DD to understand that if lunch has been predictable up to now, or to be put in the position of questioning everything that is offered to her every time she eats the school lunch.

From your comments, it would seem to me that the cook is no respecter of menus or instructions. It is odd that supply problems should suddenly arise frequently when she took the job. I suspect she doesn't know much about food intolerance but thinks she does.

If you are ill regularly, could you make wraps (or whatever) in bulk and freeze them a week or two ahead? Sounds awful I know, but they are not that bad! I have them myself! Then if you get ill, you can use them and just add a yoghurt and a piece of fruit? I hope I don't sound patronising - am just trying to think of a solution for you!

Hippy: what I honestly think is that all of you are responsible; all of you have to try to find a workable routine to managing her problem. Her needs are very complex, and you all may have to accept that school food will always be a bit of a risk.
Are these okay for her? : rice cakes, ryvita crackers, Jacob's cheddars, rye bread (the stuff Lidl sells)? She can make sandwich type meals out of them, too.

Agree with all those who haev said make it as simple as possible. Laminate her a sheet that says

NO DAIRY

NO WHEAT

etc

and give it to the school to put on her tray each day.

Does the cook work for the school or for a contracted catering company? I ask because we had an issue with a child with a very serious food allergy and the company insisted on a diet plan from the paediatrician before they would exclude certain foods. I would also say that a care plan needs to be drawn up with the SENCO and the school nurse.

My 4 year old is lactose intolerant and would not have accepted a cheese sandwich and a yoghurt when he was 3, let alone now. At 8 your daughter is more than able to speak up for herself about her intolerances and to take responsibility for that. Yes the cook is at fault and that needs dealing with, but you need to instill in her the skills and self discipline to make the right choices and to speak up for herself. NO cheese or yoghurt except at home would be a good start.

Sorry I see now that there is more to it, having read the rest of the thread.

I still think you need to teach her to avoid everything potentially risky when she is out of the house, eg at a friend's house. There is so much chance of other people getting it wrong.