being made to eat all dinner or miss playtime

[kissingfrogs]

Does this really seem fair to you?

Dd2s teacher asked me nicely to put less in dd2s packed lunch - and put in only foods that can be eaten quickly - because when the Head is supervising the children are made to stay behind to finish ALL of their dinner even if it means missing most of playtime.

Dd2 is a slow eater. She also has eating issues so has a quite self-limiting diet. I tend to add a bit extra to her packed lunches to give her the choice and tempt her to have a pick at a food she rarely eats, eg tomatoes and cucumber in the hope she'll eat them one day, a new biscuit with the usual one hoping she'll try it etc. I don't mind if some food comes back home uneaten, it usually gets recycled into dd1s packed lunch (she eats like a horse).

I know that you can not make dd2 eat something she doesn't want. It doesn't work. Consequently, when the Head is on duty dd2 has been kept in.

I've whittled the packed lunch down to one small ham sandwich, one yoghurt and 1 drink. If put something else in she'll take longer to eat or may not eat it all.

I don't feel at all comfortable with this. I want to say something but I can imagine that it's one rule for all and the Head would find it difficult to make an exception for one.

What would you do?

Talk to the head. Ask her what her reasoning is behind making them eat all their lunch. Listen and agree with any thing valid she says. Then tell her that you think it is counter productive in your daughter's situation to introduce extra pressure around food. Adults are not forced to finish their plate, so why children? Your daughter will certainly not starve herself, the body has an instinct for self preservation. Your daughter's need to play and socialise is also extra important given her hearing and language issues.

Then if you are not satisfied with the answer, write a letter to the head summing up your conversation and copy it to the governors and local authority.

mumblechum1 Regarding your post above "Don't pander to fussiness, if they're hungry, they'll eat whatever's in front of them." Some (if not many) parents do think indeed that if a child is hungry then he/she will eat whatever is in front of them but this is not true. I speak for my DS and for other parents with similar to mine DS' issues with new food. My DS would never eat what he normally does not eat even if he is VERY hungry. There is a long list of food he has never even tried to taste and we hope so much he will grow out of this. That is something psychological and nothing to do with being spoilt, fussy etc as some might think. I do not pack his lunches with new food but give him food he would eat. He prefers his school lunches plain but at least he will eat them. We experiment with different foods at home or when we go out. Also, his food at home is not that plain unlike his school lunches.

My DS goes to school with a smaller packed lunch than many in his class. I know because I am a relief MTA and sometimes cover for his year group. The system in our school is the children have to take home what they do not eat. The waste is huge. The children are encouraged to eat in a reasonable time ( 30 mins) so that they get playtime. But some string it out and out and spend 30mins picking at one cream cracker, ignoring the mass of tempting goodies mum has packed for them. DS started out that that. so I reduced his lunch down to 1 sandwich a drink and a biscuit. only once he had got the hang of eating that much in 30 mins did I add half and apple, then some cucumber and he still only rarely has crisps. But some kids pack away all that and more in 15 mins. Further up the school there are picky eaters who have a lunch box of 3 crackers a piece of cheese, a fruit stick and a penguin biscuit. they eat it and they get out to play

In OPs situation I think I'd ditch the yoghurt- messy when it comes home half eaten. Make sure the sandwich is calorie rich. would DD eat peanut butter and nuttella? or chese and ham. And give her a biscuit/ flapjack/ cake that I knew she would eat. Nothing to mess about with choosing or "trying".

I've taken everything that has been said on board and have followed the advice to restrict dd2s (she's YR1) lunch down to one small ham sandwhich, one small pud (petite filous) and a drink. Sandwhich has to be ham, she won't eat anything else. No more side pots of things I hope she'll eat.

uniS I'll do the same by monitoring what comes home in the lunchbag so that I can gradually introduce half an apple after a period of time.

I feel it's better to try this first rather than speak to the Head about my disagreement with the dinner rule before I've attempted to work with it.

Asinine you're right. If the reduced lunchbox still doesn't work (some days dd2 barely touches her sandwhich or anything else) then I will talk to the Head - maybe to suggest that on days when dd2 is struggling to eat then an attempt to eat needs to be recognised as being on a par with eating up.