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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

School making big deal out of dd not eating her dinners

24 replies

SybilBeddows · 18/05/2011 11:07

I would like a second opinion here.

DD is in year 1. From our perspective she has always been a good eater - she is really interested in food and will try anything, eats a healthy diet without us having to go to any trouble because she loves fruit and veg.

However apparently she often doesn't eat her school dinners and school are getting themselves into a stew about it.
They are lovely caring teachers/TAs and seem to be putting a lot of effort into trying to persuade her to eat.

She always has a massive breakfast (porridge with fruit and nuts) and my view is that if she doesn't eat her lunch it isn't really a problem. But they are worried about her going through the afternoon with nothing in her tummy.

I could move her to packed lunches but I suspect it wouldn't make any difference and sometimes she just wouldn't eat them.

My view is that there isn't really a problem, I would just let her get on with eating what she wants. AIBU?

thanks.

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MrsRhettButler · 18/05/2011 11:12

Hmm, have you asked her if her tummy feels very empty in the afternoons? Have you asked her why she doesn't eat?

chopchopbusybusy · 18/05/2011 11:15

Personally I'd give her a packed lunch. It's normal at primary school for them not be allowed to throw anything away so you will know how much she is eating.
DD2 always ate a tiny packed lunch at primary school. There was no school lunch option anyway, but I wouldn't have paid each day if I thought she wasn't eating it.
She's at upper school now and still takes a packed lunch although it is a bit bigger now.

BeerTricksPotter · 18/05/2011 11:15

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

SybilBeddows · 18/05/2011 11:18

she claims she isn't hungry in the afternoons and doesn't eat because she isn't hungry.
there are certain things she will always eat (eg bolognese, lasagna) so obviously hunger isn't the only factor.

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Original poster

SybilBeddows · 18/05/2011 11:20

they are decent, they get their meat from the same butcher as we do and meals are properly cooked on the premises.

I don't know how big the portions are though.

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BeerTricksPotter · 18/05/2011 11:21

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MrsRhettButler · 18/05/2011 11:21

Have you tried packed lunches?

I'm sort of in the camp of 'but she'll be hungry' but that's because I kno my dd would be and I guess everyones different, if neither her or yourself seem bothered then i guess that's that.

I would defo ask teachers to stop putting pressure on her though, that can't be nice for her every lunchtime

sarahfreck · 18/05/2011 12:39

Yes, I'd just explain to teachers that you feel making a big deal of things will be counter-productive and you'd like them just to accept dd's eating/not eating. If you try and put it over in a friendly non-confrontational way, I'm sure they'll be fine about it and take the pressure off!

Original poster

SybilBeddows · 18/05/2011 12:52

thanks all.
I just wanted to make sure I wasn't completely off the mark here by thinking it didn't matter.

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goinggetstough · 18/05/2011 13:06

Useful for the school to know you don't mind her not eating them.

However, it wouldn't surprise me to see another thread with a Mumsnetter saying the school isn't encouraging her child to eat and that she is paying for a daily meal... so schools can't win either way. Am not criticising the thread starter but I do think DCs should be encouraged to eat at lunchtime. It is a social occasion and also if they don't eat then it becomes a vicious circle. Their stomach doesn't expect food so they don't feel hungry and they don't eat.

bigTillyMint · 18/05/2011 13:14

I don't think it matters too much. But dinner ladies can be a bit keen to see empty plates, and I guess they don't want to let her off incase loads of others do the same (their parents might be bothered)

Have you asked her why she doesn't eat them - maybe she just doesn't like them?

You could try her with a small packed lunch if you would like her to have something at lunch?

Original poster

SybilBeddows · 18/05/2011 13:20

Going - yes, I have seen exactly the threads you describe.
I actually think it is very nice that they are so concerned. It is a very caring school.

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ruddynorah · 18/05/2011 13:31

Our dinner lady is the grandma of a girl in dd's class. She used to tell me if dd didn't eat 'enough' at pick up time. She just used to look blankly if I said well maybe she wasn't hungry. I asked if they make the kids keep eating and she said yes until I think they've had enough. Dd is on packed lunches now.

redskyatnight · 18/05/2011 13:33

Depends what you mean by "doesn't eat" - if she is literally eating nothing I do think the school should encourage her to eat "something". DS doesn't like to eat much lunch because he regards eating as wasted playtime so it is fairly common for him to come home only having eaten a sandwich (and left the rest of his packed lunch) which is the minimum the lunchtime assistants will let him get away with! he is normally starving when he gets out of school though and I wish he would eat more - is your DD?

I do agree that empty plates are not necessary, but equally it's a long time for a child to go from breakfast to after school with literally nothing.

CravingExcitement · 18/05/2011 13:36

I don't think it matters. I think children can regulate their own food intake, if given the chance. I would check that she's not not eating because she really doesn't like the food, and then tell the school not to "force" her to eat.

WowOoo · 18/05/2011 13:39

It is nice that they care. They clearly don't monitor what ds eats at all. Yorkshire pudding,gravy, rice and bread for example the other week! No veg, no problem. Grrr.

Ds said he doesn't like the look of a lot of the stuff and that the veg is overcooked. Perhaps it's something of the same for your dd?

Bramshott · 18/05/2011 13:41

Could you prompt her to ask the dinner ladies for "a small portion please" if she's not very hungry?

peeriebear · 18/05/2011 13:44

It is good that they are taking notice, though if she is eating something she'll be fine. I would be wary if they are insisting on clean plates though- would they like it if the dinnerladies went round the teacher table insisting they had to eat everything up?! :)

Cordova · 18/05/2011 15:03

My DS used struggled with food at school. He has always been a brilliant eater as you say your DD is - he loves fruit and veg and will try anything and I literally never have to make him eat anything, but this fed into a problem that he was used to fresh food, prepared from scratch and just turned his nose up at the processed "kids' food" they serve up in schools. He was hungry, but didn't fancy it. I put him on packed lunches for a while and now that he's older he's less discerning and will eat any old muck...

hocuspontas · 18/05/2011 15:58

It's 7 hours without food if she's not eating anything. Does she have a snack in the morning so she's not hungry at lunch? Does she eat a meal between 12 and 1 when she's at home? I would have thought a bit of refueling was necessary for running around after lunch and afternoon PE. I suppose if she eats dinnner/tea soon after she gets home then it's not too bad. I'd definitely start packed lunches and see if the pattern changes.

Fiddledee · 18/05/2011 16:02

It may not be the food, it may be the atmosphere of the school dining room, it was too noisy and stressful to eat when I was a child. A bowl of porridge will not get her through the day. Try and find out why she is not eating, that is your job not the schools.

Jezabelle · 18/05/2011 16:26

I'd definitely switch to packed lunch. Like you my dd is a great eater who will try new things. I never made a big thing of what she did or didn't eat, just gave her healthy options. If they're making a big deal of thing, (with all good intentions allbeit), I'd worry that it'll start to put your dd off school dinner times altogether and she might become reluctant to try new things.

You could try to talk to the lunch time staff, but I suspect that they may not really get it! Might be a case of, "you can't just let them do whatever they like", "how can they know what's best for them at that age?" If it's packed lunch, you can just give her a little bit. It also makes it easier for dinner staff to let her not eat as much as it won't be as obvious to the other children.

BarbarianMum · 18/05/2011 17:57

Do you think she may be avoiding eating so she can go out and play? We have this problem (and it is a problem for us) with ds1 who eats just enough so that he is not absolutely ravenous then wants to go outside with his friends. Unfortunately for him he cannot manage to last from morning snack to home time with no lunch and has literally made himself ill with low blood sugar/dehydration on several occasions - the dinner ladies now keep a close eye on him.

I don't agree that small children are necessarily that good at regulating what they eat, though I appreciate this may really not be a problem with your dd.

Original poster

SybilBeddows · 18/05/2011 18:06

this is all very helpful, thank you.

I asked her if lunchtime is very noisy and she said it is; this would match with the fact that sometimes the others have all gone out to play and she has finished her lunch on her own, and also the fact that she does get freaked out by noise - her best friend had a disco party the other week and despite loving dancing, dd spent the first hour with her head buried in my lap.

they have morning fruit which she usually eats, and she has a couple of biscuits when she gets home at 3.40, before tea at 5.30.

one thing that always astonishes me is the variability in the amount children eat. Today she ate all her lunch and she has just polished off 5 pancakes whereas yesterday when she didn't eat lunch she ate very little tea.

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