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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Just out of interest, how much interest / input has your DH had with regards to admissions?

21 replies

Boobz · 12/05/2011 13:09

I recently started another thread on here asking about admissions into church schools, but I have been looking at the whole admissions process and how it works and the form filling exercise etc, and started to talk to DH about it the other night. He was of the opinion "we don't have to think about it for a year yet, and we'll just visit the schools and then fill out the form" etc, and that was it.

I must admit I've got a bit obsessed by it over the last few days (finishing up at work and don't have anything else to do but read the primary section of MN and last year's admissions forms for the borough we will live in when we go back to the UK - currently in Sudan) and I've started to wonder how much of the whole process is spearheaded by the mum in the family? Do all your DH's read all the Ofsted reports, come along to the schools to visit, look at the distances to various schools and / or go to church to get into the right school? Or has it been mainly left to you as the mum?

OP posts:

Pagwatch · 12/05/2011 13:13

Dh was as involved as I was in the selection of every one of our dcs schools.
It was always a joint decision. Although fir his secondary choice ds1 voiced his preferences too which we weighed with everything else.

It wasn't speah headed by me. Dh probably did more of the original research.

notnowbernard · 12/05/2011 13:15

I've done it all
All the forms, visits (think he came to visit 1 school - our nearest and 1st choice), parents evenings etc

redskyatnight · 12/05/2011 13:15

DH came along to visit schools with me but I got the impression it was largely to humour me! He was of the opinion that the DC would go to our closest schools unless they proved really awful. However we are in an area where we were 99% likely to get our closest schools if we applied to them and only had about 1% chance of getting anything else, so actually that was a reasonable approach. Not sure what he would have done if we had a genuine "choice". Suspect he would have let me research it and then agreed with me :)

WinlessChunder · 12/05/2011 13:18

I read the Ofsted reports, did the research and compiled the 'shortlist'. DH made arrangements with work so he could come along for the school visits (we saw 7, 4 state, 3 private). We then discussed at length between us and agreed the 1st, 2nd and 3rd choices. Thankfully we both felt the same way and agreed easily. I then did all the necessary admin.

So all in all I did all the prep, admin and organising but DH showed a lot of interest and had a lot of input into the final decision-making.

Pagwatch · 12/05/2011 13:18

Bloody hell.

I wouldn't be happy about that. Dh visited every school. He does parents evenings, ieps, teacher meeting etc. So why would he not be involved in selecting the school in the first place.

Lizcat · 12/05/2011 13:45

Selecting the school was entirely down to me DD is private and I pay the fees. He did visit the school and meet the headmaster before we put her name down. However, now she is there he comes to all the parents meetings etc.
We are just starting to get close to thinking about secondary and I guess he will have a lot more input this time.

tinytalker · 12/05/2011 14:47

Ha! My DH leaves it all to me! Nursery, primary and secondary. Because I'm a teacher he seems to think that I will make the right decision and he's far too busy!! He's not even that fussed with coming to parent's evenings, he says they always say the same thing anyway and I will just tell him all when I get back! I know not ideal :(

dickcheeseandthecrackers · 12/05/2011 14:50

DH read the reports and came to school visits.
Asked lots of good questions and we decided together. He would never not be involved in something this important.

I did all the appts, showing him ofsteds etc.

MovingAndScared · 12/05/2011 15:10

mainly left to me -but I like that kind of stuff -
but it wasn't a massive decesion as school in village is fine -and we didn't even go to see it as it was the only school within a couple of miles - and any other would have been a nightmare with logistics
I discussed it with him of course - but really with schools most of the time you have less "choice" than you think - its about where you live - and in general especially with primary I think most are fine - might be different in london of course

pinkhebe · 12/05/2011 15:19

Well dh came to 2/3 primary school and 2/3 secondary school open days. He has been to 1 parents evening with me (ds1 in yr 6, ds2 in yr3).

But that's fine, he trusts me to make these decisions and to tell him the details of parents evenings. He did put his foot down about the boarding school initially, but after visiting it agreed it would be a fab school for ds1.

As long as the boys are progressing and are happy, he doesn't feel it's necessary at primary age. He will however come to the secondary parents evenings etc with me. (probably)

It works well for our family.

craftynclothy · 12/05/2011 15:20

For primary school [place it was left to me. Mainly because it was just a case of putting info on an online form. We had pretty much made our decision from looking for a (school attached) nursery place.

For that place, I had had recommendations from friends/neighbours and looked at Ofsted reports. Again, don't mind this as (a) I have more friends with school aged children and see them more often and (b) am at home all day so have more time to look at Ofsted reports. I see that as part of being a sahm.

He did come along to the open evenings we went to. We both agreed that we preferred the local school to the "outstanding" one (where she might not have got a school place anyway).

AngryFeet · 12/05/2011 15:24

DH went to one school tour by himself but as they were always in the morning he didn't have time. I did all 3 and he went along with what I decided. He did come to the introduction meeting but spent much of the time making comments to make me laugh (not good as once I start I can't stop). I do parents meetings alone as they are always in the day too.

I expect he will be very involved at secondary stage though as I think in the area I live it is a more important decision (lots of very good primaries but few good secondaries).

ProfYaffle · 12/05/2011 15:33

Very much joint for us but we live in a small town with the grand total of 2 primary schools and 1 high school so not much to discuss!

Pinkjenny · 12/05/2011 15:35

Dh came with me to visit the schools, and we made our choices. He wasn't exactly waiting on tenterhooks on the day that we found out which school she had been allocated, but was pleased when I told him. He came with me to the Welcome Meeting last night, but ate more of the nibbles than I felt was appropriate.

southofthethames · 13/05/2011 02:43

By the mum in ours! DH nearly didn't want to know but then I showed him the list and he vetoed one and asked why we didn't apply for school x (which we were not going to get in and I didn't like anyway)......didn't visit any but was happy with final choices.

lljkk · 13/05/2011 06:07

Meh, that's men for you. In some ways it's quite refreshing. My DH doesn't like to do anything any earlier than he has to, either. He pointedly thinks it's usually unnecessary to live like that.

DH (and not me) visited the two schools that the final decision came down to, because of where we were living (only two choices). He didn't read any Ofsted reports and I doubt he filled in forms, either, though I know we discussed the options at length. I usually make ask him to attend one of the parents' evenings each year.

Same for high school, I will probably read reports, visit and fill in forms, but will talk thru choices with him.

wordfactory · 13/05/2011 07:42

DH pretty much left it to me at both primary and secondary level.

In some ways it's frustrating but in others I prefer it. I tend to be overly involved in my DC's education and if both parents were it would become claustraphobic for the DC i think.

pinkhebe · 13/05/2011 07:54

same here Wordfactory!

pinkhebe · 13/05/2011 07:55

plus the fact i'm a control freak

Butkin · 13/05/2011 13:20

Speaking as an involved DH I went to all the school inspections with DW and did the bulk of the research re Ofsted etc. At the end of the day it was a joint decision but one that we were totally in agreement on. Why wouldn't a DH want to help choose the school for his DC?

wordfactory · 13/05/2011 15:08

DH knows I have far more dat to day dealings with my DC's schools than he does so he trusted me to do the spade work.

In much the same way that he takes far more interest in the running of our finances than I do so doea the spade work on investments etc.

We play to our strengths and interests. Both of us doing everything seems inefficient no?

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