DS' friend (a boy) squeezing him and kissing him on the lips

[vintageteacups]

Hi - not sure how to handle this one - DS (6yrs) says his friend is his best friend (he has 2/3 best friends (2 of whom are lovely little girls) and this one boy who, whilst seemingly okay, has behaviour issues I think (although he is very intelligent).

Basically, DS started off telling me a while back that this boy kisses and hugs him all the time. I said "Oh, it's because he's your friend and it's just him being friendly). Then DS said it was sloppy lipstick kisses but I tried not to make anything of it.

Then yesterday, on entering the classroom, this boy went straight up to him and squeezed him really hard in a grasp ds couldn't escape from. I told him quite firmly that it wasn't kind to squeeze and that a 'high 5' was a much nicer way to say hello. He looked at me as though he was being told off (I wasn't really telling him off as the teacher and ta were only yards away; I just wanted to tell him that DS doesn't like it etc.

DS hates close contact with most people outside of his family and wipes kisses off from everyone except me and dh.

So shall I speak to the teacher or just try and make ds more assertive in saying no? It's not that he doesn't like this boy - I asked him tonight who his best friend was and he said it was this boy. I don't think that 'sloppy kisses' are appropriate behaviour in Yr 1 really.

I would do both. Ask the teacher to explain to the boy that not everybody welcomes bear hugs and kisses and he should stop if he's asked to. Meanwhile, coach your son in saying no firmly and (if he needs to) extricating himself from the situation.

Thank you. He finds it hard to assert himself in many situations. He doesn't seem to have lots of friends and so will try to keep the ones he does have by not speaking out if something upsets him.

will try and talk to him again and have a word with his teacher.

We actually had a problem with DD2 hugging other kids at school (she has Aspergers and it's a sensory thing - she craves pressure). The teacher made a thing about it being a school rule not to hug and kiss other kids at school, and we reinforced that (although hugs are allowed at home!). Do have a word with the teacher, it isn't appropriate and your son shouldn't have to cope with behaviour that makes him uncomfortable.

The thing is that the teacher is a bit vague and wishy washy and I always come away feeling as though I'm making a mountain out of a molehill.

I will try and speak to her tomorrow though.

It's not always easy, I know, but I think you have to assert yourself in telling the teacher that these incidents are making your son uncomfortable, just as you need to encourage your son to assert himself. Good luck!

You aren't over-reacting. Unwanted physical contact could make your child unhappy at school, and it's also very much in the other child's interest to learn what is and is not socially acceptable.
I know how you feel though, I feel like I'm always the one pestering the teacher :o

But if he still says that the kid is his best friend, then it doesn't sound like it's that much of a big deal to him......

There is only a problem if your DS thinks there is a problem.....

Well - spoke to the teacher today and she rolled her eyes kind of in a sympathetic way and agreed it needs to stop as they've noticed it as well - said she'd talk to him.

There was a problem like this at my children's nursery and the staff helped the child move towards more sensible affection - handshaking, light hugs if reciprocated and no kissing. It sounds like the school will deal with it now.

Could speak to headteacher later if no help from DS's class teacher? @IndigoBell- I think she is saying that her DS likes this friend but not the overly "affectionate" greetings!

Passing on chatting to head teacher - that's a no go area! We don't get on and I have given up trying.

Will wait and see if the 'affection' stops next week - teacher didn't say anything after school.

Actually, my DS would be the one doing the hugging and kissing. He is only at nursery though. But I try to teach him that not all children like it and that he has to respect other people's personal space.

So I wouldn't mind at all if another mother said it (kindly) to him.

My DS has a best friend who doesn't like the kisses and hugs, but similarly to your DS can't seem to say no. I know that he finds it a problem. I can see it in this friend's body language and face when it happens.

Could you say anything to the other child's mother?

Not really - she's very odd in that she'll walk straight past me and not say hello - it's always me making the effort to speak so I've given up now.

We're moving at the end of term so not too bothered. It was just in the short term I wanted the teacher to do something as DS was telling me this boy was doing sloppy kisses with his tongue!

A six year old child doing kisses with his tongue raises a whole different set of issues. Did you mention that aspect of it to the teacher?

^what ComeintothegardenMaud said, may be child protection concerns for the other boy here.

The only problem I have with your worries is that you should be careful not to make TOO big a deal out of it, you don't want to engender homophobia in your son at an early age, he'll pick up enough of it anyway. At 6 this is certainly pretty innocent. Would you feel different if it was a girl classmate pouncing on your son?

Oh dear OP - weird thing with this child's mum! How rude. Maybe the family has some....issues. Roll on end of term! Might be worth telling your son children shouldn't kiss with tongues in case he learns it and upsets his own friends. What a minefield. Sometimes I think a friend who does home schooling has it easy!

Sorry - was in a rush earlier - I'm not 100% sure if he actually kissed him with his tongue or whether he just talked about it - didn't want to go on about it too much or DS tends to think too much about a thing.

Trying to not make too much of it and hopefully will have spoken to the class about not kssing/touching when not wanted etc.