What to do when DC is friends with the wronguns.

[messybessie]

DS is in reception. He is in a group of friends who are always in trouble. Ds stays out if the worst of it on the whole but occasionally gets involved. I have been called into school on numerous occasions, twice in the last week.

I can't tell him who to be friends with and individually they are nice kids. I have nothing against them.

Is it something he just has to learn for himself (I.e. Playing with them gets him into trouble).

One very important thing to do is to always hold your ds responsible for his own behaviour - don't excuse it on the basis that 'he's been led astray' (this may be the case but he needs to learn to think for himself).

Are there other children he likes that you could encourage friendships with?

We've gone through this a bit already with DD. Generally she is a pretty good kid but went along with some other kids. I agree previous post about holding them accountable. I keep talking to mine about making the right choices so at least when things aren't quite right that are aware they can try and make a good decision. I feel that it's slowed down making a few friends because I've been reluctant to invite them over.

Yes I am constantly reminding him to think for himself and think of the right thing to do, but it's difficult.

He seems to gravitate towards the loud ones. I've mentioned a couple of other children to him, to invite over, but he says he doesn't like them and they are not his friends.

He has been invited to playdates which he has gone to but I'm reluctant to have anyone back here, partly because I don't want to reinforce the friendship but also because I'm a bit scared of having them in the house

I need to do something soon though as he's beginning to notice that he never has any playdates.

That is a bit unfair IMO. You are happy for your son to go to other peoples houses but not have his friends back to yours?
Perhaps if you did, you could rein in the behaviour with some carefully chosen words 'we don't play like that' 'we don't shout' etc.

Why not go with it? Have them over to play (take them to park with ball?), you said they are nice kids individually. Your DS could be a calming influence. Is it bullying, rudeness, bad language, fighting, or just boyish high spirits? Schools can be such controlling places that a loud voice, high spirits are 'naughty' .

My DS had 2 loud 'physical' friends at primary who have turned into lovely well-behaved teenagers.

Anyway what are the alternatives?! He doesn't gravitate towards the 'nicer' kids, and you don't want him to be lonely.