sibling rivalry

[coldswimmer]

we have two children, DD 9 (she is in P4) and DS 7 (he is in P3). Although they are in sequential years at school there is almost a full 2 years age difference. DS is excelling at everything he does and my concern is that this is having a self esteem issue on DD. She is also doing well at school, but she gave up her piano lessons despite loads of encouragement, DS also plays piano and was way ahead even though they both started lessons at the same time. Any advice on what we can do to keep DD's self esteem high in the face of this competition from her younger brother? anyone else have similar issue?

especially the final message

My two are a little older (11 and 10), but also in sequential years at school with a 16mth gap. dd (the younger) has always done better at school, mainly because she is more compliant and works harder. ds is dyslexic and also has a tendency to march to his own drum, and is always somewhat surprised at his poor grades. So it can be really difficult to manage things like report card time. dd is also very sociable and has a wide circle of friends, whilst ds hasn't really established any close friends since we moved. So he gets sad abut that too sometimes. What helps for us is that they are very different children and they are pretty close and although they fight, generally pretty kind to each other.

I think in your shoes I'd be looking to push your children in different directions where possible so they aren't in direct competition (or so that it's not obvious if the younger one is achieving more than the older). So perhaps suggest to your dd that she tries a different instrument or hobby? In the end you have to help them each to figure out what they are individually good at and enjoy and then encourage them in those interests.

I also find talking through the reasons why my two achieve differently is helpful, so reminding my ds that dd sits still, listens and does what the teacher says and that's why she does well, or that she puts a lot of effort into her friendships rather than just expecting her friends to turn up and that generally pays off. Also giving lots of validation about what's great about each of them, what traits they have inherited from family and how that panned out (for ds it's helpful that most of his older male relatives are also dyslexic). Laughing about traits you have in common is helpful too, reminding the less confident one about times they have helped out the more confident one etc.

Ah Mrz, thanks for that, actually made me a little tearful ...

Mrz - like the video! Yes, our daughter loves drawing / art and her uncle is an artist so we have set her up with a big desk in her room so she can doodle away. A few of her drawings at school have been published and infact one of her drawings was selected from the entire school to be used on the cover of their Xmas CD. So definitely a good idea to let her find her own way.

Both of our children do swimming (same swimming club) and DD is doing very well at that (as is DS), but because they compete in different age groups etc that keeps them apart. I just dread the day when DS beats one of DDs personal best times.... ;o)