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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Should DS (7) be being given more help in school?

20 replies

IngridBergmann · 08/04/2011 20:30

Hi, I hope this doesn't sound a silly question.

The thing is, ds1 has always been fairly keen on school, from the beginning, but the last few weeks he has been saying he finds it too hard with the homework and the tests and everything. He's coming to the end of year 3.

He's a bright boy, IQ apparently 140+ but questionably dyslexic - when we had him assessed, that's when the IQ thing was mentioned (didn't know they tested for that!) but they weren't sure if he was dyslexic or just immature.

So we don't have any sort of diagnosis, however he has always had trouble processing information and will often forget instructions, not absorb them to start with, that kind of thing.
Recently his teacher found a load of spelling sheets in his book bag, which he'd been supposed to practice every week, but when I've asked him if he has spellings to do he always says no, he knows them. He doesn't, it would seem! Though he is always scrupulous and keen about doing other homework tasks which is why I trusted him, when he said he didn't need to do them.

The teacher confronted him and apparently he burst into tears and said his head was too full of other things, there was too much in his head. He told me later that he is worried about lots of things like making sure his brother is OK (I do ask him sometimes to keep an eye, when they are playing, or to make sure he doesn't hurt him - normal, I thought/ They are 7 and 3), I never leave them alone and go out or anything, I'm always here.

I think he just finds it all too much remembering the work, he's always forgetting his kit, his clothes, he's a sort of half-puppy type of boy iykwim

Yesterday they broke up for Easter and he said he can't stand school any more and wants to leave. I don't really know what to do - I'm not one to force the issue, but I do wonder if more should be being done.
Not having a formal dx is difficult though, what can I ask them to do for him?

Obviously expectations are higher in yr3 and will get higher still. Any advice much appreciated, thankyou.

OP posts:

Original poster

IngridBergmann · 08/04/2011 20:33

Actually what can I do for him, as well? He's very independant at home, does his own thing. He rarely lets me teach him anything or help much with the work.
I just don't know what sort of help he needs.

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FriedEggyAndSlippery · 08/04/2011 20:41

Don't mean to sound flippant but have you considered homeschooling?

MollieO · 08/04/2011 20:47

Did you get him tested through school or separately? Ds is in yr 2 and has visual memory issues that can make him look as if he's dyslexic - he's 6 so too young to be formally diagnosed. Irrespective of that he is having extra help with sessions with the school SENCO and his class teacher teachers him as if he is dyslexic.

Original poster

IngridBergmann · 08/04/2011 21:36

We had him tested out of school by a local teacher who specialises in dyslexia and takes a lot of kids for private tuition out of his school and others.

she is a good friend and knows her stuff though I hate to bother her again on a professional level - she did it for nothing, which was a massive favour. So I hesitate to ask her to do it again iyswim.

Mollie I wish ours was teaching ds like he has dyslexia, but they are not. Their expectations are the same as for the other kids and I don't feel he can cope with these levels of organisational skills.

Not flippant at all, Friedegg - yes, many times, but he never wanted to do it before. Suddenly he is struggling - though he says it will be very hard to leave school, he loves his friends, etc but the work is frightening him and he says he is told off all the time about it. He's a good kid, not nasty, silly sometimes, but not horrid or a troublemaker at all - he is really appeasing. He just can't process what he has to be doing at any one time.

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MollieO · 08/04/2011 22:08

Have you spoken to his teachers? Why did you get him tested outside school?

beautifulgirls · 08/04/2011 23:48

If you are worried about him then a trip to the GP to discuss your concerns would be a good start with a view to referral to a developmental paed for review and assessments.

Original poster

IngridBergmann · 09/04/2011 07:55

Thanks...the teachers said they didn't even start to think about dyslexia till they were 7. He was 6 and really struggling. So I thought it might be useful to know if he needed extra help as school just refused to consider it.

I think I will go and talk to his teacher and see what she thinks about it. I don't hold out much hope that anything will be done though.

I'll keep the GP option in reserve, thanks for the idea.

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activate · 09/04/2011 08:03

gosh it sounds very sudden - IME kids go through these I hate school periods and the best thing I've found to do with mine is just breezily go "everyone feels like that at some time, you'll have to get over it"

re the spelling that's slightly different as it obviously bothers him a lot - how is his reading and does he read for pleasure yet?

My 2 eldest children did spelling tests throughout primary and my 2 youngest the policy is now no spelling tests at all - I see very little difference in it

Also and I've said this many times - none of my children (and the older ones are well-rounded and high-acheivers) read for pleasure much before 9 or 10 and none of them were fluent readers before 7 or 8

Original poster

IngridBergmann · 09/04/2011 08:10

That's reassuring Activate, thankyou. He does read for pleasure - just a little - and the writing is far neater now. He still reads and writes letters and words back to front though, he's 8 next month.

I wish they wouldn't do these tests all the time. It makes him feel hopeless - like he doesn't have a chance and can never catch up with everyone, you have to pass a level to move forward, that sort of thing. Plus the tests are all timed and so on. He is slow, so this compounds it all.

They seem not to care. I think I need to talk to them about encouraging him rather than making him fail every week.

OP posts:

activate · 09/04/2011 08:12

that sounds sensible to me

some kids relate well to the challenge of tests and others don't

FattyAcid · 09/04/2011 08:16

If your ds is unhappy at school I would say talk to the teacher so that she knows he doesn't want to go to school and you can come up with some ideas between you.

Teachers don't usually like to see children unhappy ime.

More physical exercise and early bedtimes helped my dyslexic child when she went through a bad run at school.

Danthe4th · 09/04/2011 16:08

I would pay for a private test with an educational psychologist, best thing we did when my son turned 8, He is dyslexic with a poor working memory and the school excepted the written report and took on board the helpful suggestions.
Teachers always warn him before he is asked a question so he has time to get it together. Requests are written down with him. He is not expected to do all his homework at home but they have a 'homework club' as it takes the pressure off.
The teacher often asks him to repeat back what is being asked of him, as he remembers things better if he says it back, it then uses the long term memory.
His spelling is shocking and he doesn't do the spelling tests formally in school, way too much pressure for him, He has greatly improved since doing the 'dancing bears' programme.
We had awful tears and threats when he was 6 and 7 I never thought we would get anywhere but he is due to be 9 in June and I finally feel we have turned a corner and he seems to be brave enough to try reading and writing.

Danthe4th · 09/04/2011 16:12

I also got his eyes tested by a special optician that checked for visual stress and did the colour overlay test, I think we paid £60 in Churchdown,gloucester if you are anywhere near there. Well worth the money as it turned out he didn't have any visual stress so I felt more confident that we had ruled something else out.

Skinit · 09/04/2011 16:21

He's very young for you to be just asking him if he has spellings to learn....yu should be going through his bag every night still.

Original poster

IngridBergmann · 09/04/2011 18:56

I do, Skinit, but when I say Oh look a spelling sheet, shall we learn them, he says Oh I already know them, we don't have to.

I believed him as he was very insistent and he always wants to do his other homework.

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Original poster

IngridBergmann · 09/04/2011 18:59

Thankyou, Fatty - will try earlier bed! Dan, that's really helpful, thankyou - I'm not near to you but I will look into it nonetheless. It sounds like you have really turned things around for your boy.

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sleepingbag · 09/04/2011 19:03

HI he sounds like me at school..... i was diagnosed a Auditory Processing Disorder at age 9 -10 info here; - www.nidcd.nih.gov/health/voice/auditory.html

Original poster

IngridBergmann · 09/04/2011 19:06

Thanks, I will take a look If we knew what was going on we could try and help him.

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sleepingbag · 09/04/2011 19:07

Would like add i got 10 gcse a-b and A's in a level and have been to uni.

Original poster

IngridBergmann · 09/04/2011 19:13

wow that's encouraging! I had a read and it does sound like him.

Thanks very much - I'll try and get the ball rolling with regard to a diagnosis, and meanwhile will look at the way it suggests he could be helped. I didn't understand some of them but there must be things I can do as a parent.

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