Parents evening told DS is too much of a leader, must learn to share, how do I help this?

[dontdillydally]

Not sure if this is a reason but DS is an only child and therefore never had to negoiate with any other siblings at home etc... teacher said today that he sometimes is abit of a leader....likes to take charge. During a role play incident the other day he wanted to be X but several others did also but he was adament that he was going to be X and wouldnt back down

I sort of knew what she meant but am putting it down to being an only child noone to compete with etc...

What do you think?

How old is he? I remember my first parents' evening with dd2 which went along similar lines - ie. "she doesn't suffer fools gladly and will generally organise any role play taking place".

Clearly she's not an only child so I think it's just a personality thing. If it's any consolation we did nothing about it and now she's in year 3 and one of the more shy and retiring members of the class.

I have always been like that, I'm bloody annoying... but anything I put my mind to, I achieve. I bet your son will too!

Dont take being an only child as an excuse, its a great characteristic which will do him proud when he is older. I think its in the genes!

He probably just needs to learn the rules about sharing, taking turns, that he has to take a step back now and again and that when he does, his friends will appreciate it more and he will be leading anyway. he will have to learn to listen to other peoples opinions and that the whole group has ben involved in decisions.

Other kids hate it when one person expects to be the main person all the time, and this is the best way for him to become alienated and lose friends, so its a generally better if he can learn to be flexible. At school they are taught to make sure everyone is involved, so try and encourage him to help the shy children to take charge.

His natural leadership roles will develop and be more welcome over time so dont try and destroy that.
Good luck

I love the teacher for her diplomacy "too much of a leader" & not "he's an insufferable bossyboots".

I think all kids have issues in wanting to be The Boss, My worst DC for it is No. 3 out of 4.

Sports are good, they have to be team players & sacrifice what they want for the team. And games in general -- even just simple card games at home; where you both have to follow the rules even if it means losing, rather than getting to change the rules on a whim. Any youth club will give him a chance to work on those skills, too.

Well done your teacher for being so tactful and well done you for not being oneof those awful parents that can't see a critisism when it's staring them in the face.

One Mum told me the teacher had said he knew what sort of a lesson it was going to be for the class depending on her DD's mood. Mum thought this was great...she's a leader not a sheep, she crowed.
Hmmmmmm.

Anyhow, fwiw, I'm an only child who had lots of my Mum's undivided attention and I did find it hard sometimes at school.
My Mum alleviated this by inviting around lots of friends and insisting upon the 'guest chooses' rule. She also enrolled me for Brownies and what have you - stuff that makes you part of a team.

I'm still a natural leader, but I learned that you do this by getting people on side, not telling them what to do. Once your DC learns this tactic, the world will be his

peanut. how true.

OP, you're going to have to teach him to be less bossy and to share. inviting people over, taking him to different activities etc and talking him through it over and over.

I knew what she meant and I take anything on board it takes alot to upset me, Im very flexible.

He is 6 so I think its early days so not too concerned all about learning new social skills and putting them into practice I guess...she did say "he was very considerate and a joy to have in her class and the class wouldnt be the same without him"

Ah, that's a lovely thing to hear, ddd. It sounds as though he just needs to make some small, perfectly-achievable adjustments.

We have been told this as well from my DDs last 3 teachers. I know its a problem and my DD really alienates others in the class, but she just cant help herself.
she is desperate to be popular and everything, but just ends up pushing everyone away.
Our teachers have been supportive though, and agreed that it will serve her will in the years to come, but just needs to be managed better at the moment.

You can just try getting your DS to think of the others, taking turns, and their feelings etc.

What a lovely thing to say - considerate etc.

I would disagree, however, about the early days. imo, they learn better the younger they are. Wait too long and it is far harder to get them to 'unlearn' habits that have become ingrained in the first 5, 6, 7...10... years of life.

ummm ... yes youre right Hecate.

Have spokent to him he did say that there were "several" wanting to be X I did think that perhaps he was being singled but not so as the teacher did say he is not the only one like this.

My DS said one girl started to cry...she wanted to be X as well and the teacher did say to the girl that they must all decide who was to be who and come to an agreement and crying would not help the matter

Will work on this at home with him!!!