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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

my poor boy :(

48 replies

loosinas · 31/03/2011 11:49

i dont know if this is the right place to post this really but im desperate for some opinions ! my son started reception last september (2010) and hes just CONSTANTLY exhausted
I thought he would get more used to the demands of the school day but he's struggling. he's a good boy, the only time hes naughty is when he's over tired generally and the last two nights we've had the mother of all tantrums cos hes been falling asleep in his dinner...
he is snotty and sticky eyed at the moment which doc has put down to hay fever but she has assured me that the meds are non drowsy and this was a problem before that..
its impacting everything.. our quality time at the weekend... he doesnt want to read his reading book or practice his sight words as hes shattered..
he comes in.. wants his comfort blanket and to suck his fingers and sits on the sofa..
he will perk up for a bit some nights if he's distracted playing a board game or something..
he's getting a lot of sleep.. 7-7 more often than not
do i go to the doctor and voice my concern or is this something he will grow out of ?
thanks !

OP posts:

donnie · 31/03/2011 21:19

'really big issue' , I meant to say.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 31/03/2011 21:23

Agree with the others above. My DS's (so far - 2 out of 3) have cped with the longer days. I'm wondering how well DS3 is going to cope though as he's tired after 4 mornings at nursery.

This has been a "long" terms as well with Easter being so late this year, which doesn't help either.

Paddington · 31/03/2011 21:31

Sorry for the long post!

My eldest DS has a late August birthday and has always required a lot of sleep. He was still having 1.5 hour naps 5 x per week up until he started reception - this did not disrupt his night-time sleep as he slept 7-7 overnight.

School exhausted him and I would have to carry him home two or three times a week and he would flop on the sofa and go to sleep until tea time. He was normally in bed and asleep by 6.30pm (but often it was 6pm). I could watch his energy levels decrease towards the end of the school week.

Once he started reception he had naps for 2 hours on Saturdays and Sundays. He didn't do any after school activities (althought he went to a childminder twice a week after school) and we moved his swimming lesson (his only extra-curricular activity) to a Saturday morning. We didn't invite any of his friends round for tea until the summer term and didn't accept invitations after school either - he simply was too tired.

There were days when I wondered whether he was too tired to go to school, but he loved going and he didn't miss a day's schooling all year.

He's now in Year 2 and is coping fine, has lots of friends at school and has plenty of energy but needs to be in bed by 7.30 at the latest. He occasionally has a nap at the week-end (towards the end of term when he's flagging) and can now cope with one afterschool activity per week and having a friend round once a week after school plus some sporting activities at the week-end.

I think it's a question of working out a strategy which works for your child and you musn't feel any pressure to copy what other parents do - if your son needs to go to bed at 6pm then let him. My son used to beg me to go to bed - he just knew he needed his sleep! Do ensure he eats and drinks well and gets some fresh air and take him along to the doctor if you continue to be worried about him.

IngridBergmann · 01/04/2011 06:47

You need a cooperative school as well though...ds would forget to drink or eat and the thing was, it was such a huge intake that no one seemed able to check on this or help him with it.

I rarely got to speak to his teacher and there was very little communication either way. I felt like he was totally lost, well, he was really - not a clue what he should be doing, no one much to take him under their wing.

He was really struggling. So he wasn't eating or drinking enough and didn't go to the loo etc.
This contributed to my taking him out tbh. Had it been a smaller school, a smaller class and an open door policy with actual help available to the tiny ones who didn't know how to look after themselves, it would possibly have been Ok.

But it didn't have those attributes....he needed me to be there to remind him to eat and help him understand instructions etc, and I couldn't be there, so I had him at home for a bit instead.
He was the same as yours Paddington re the long naps right up till he started reception, and they didn't stop till the summer really. Just too little to do the basics, really, for 6 hours virtually all by himself. I had to remind him and help him at home, so sending him to school where that didn't happen just felt silly and a bit cruel.

mathanxiety · 01/04/2011 06:53

Poor little fellow.

The whole thing sounds very counter-productive.

Mine were lucky enough to not have to start til age 5 and only for a few half days a week, then start full day at age 6. And even that was a stretch initially.

IngridBergmann · 01/04/2011 06:54

I'm still very much up in the air about ds2 at this stage...he starts in sept, and though the school they're at now is much smaller, much more approachable, helpful staff and understanding of the tiny children's needs, it's still a long 6 hours when mummy won't be there to help.

I don't know if ds2 will be ready - he's fine about being left at preschool, but he's four in June, and still doesn't talk a great deal, can't wipe his own bottom or even reach to sit on the loo without a little chair to climb on. He eats very few things, subsists mainly on biscuits, bottles of actimel, chocolate spread sarnies and rice. And dare I say it, breastmilk once a day! (and at night).

But at least we have the option to defer till January or Easter for this year's intake. So will see how he gets on in the next few months.

IngridBergmann · 01/04/2011 06:55

Math, where was that? Sounds brilliant!

mathanxiety · 01/04/2011 07:05

Twas in the States unfortunately. I recommend it though.

Mine weren't even nappers past 18 months, but school wore them out.

IngridBergmann · 01/04/2011 07:13

Oh God thankyou for saying those things!!!

Sportsmum · 01/04/2011 07:29

Things that I would look at:

What are they eating at breakfast - to help them get to snack time
What are they having for snack - to help them get to lunch time
What is being eaten at lunch - is it enough to sustain a little person until the end of school

What are they like during the school day - full of beans - or completely exhausted

As others have said - a snack directly upon leaving school
Much earlier to bed

Mine would often be in bed by between 5 and 5.30 when in reception and sleep through until 7.00 - so they needed it.

Again as others have said - look at children's multi-vits - the body is having to learn to fight off lots of new germs and it can take its toll.

Other than that, a quick trip to the GP, who may refer them to have their sleep analysed - it could be that they are not sleeping "properly" at night and a lack of oxygen is making them over tired. A form of sleep apnoea.

SDeuchars · 01/04/2011 08:57

People, being 4 or 5 is not an illness! If a full school day is too much, surely it is that that needs changing, not looking for a medical problem?

I agree with IngridBergman - if more parents insist on children not starting school until 5 (the start of compulsory school age) and on half days, then the system will have to change back.

ensure · 01/04/2011 09:13

Can you just say to the school you'll pick him up at lunch times? Or is that not allowed? Poor thing. Maybe he will cope better after a rest over Easter.

IngridBergmann · 01/04/2011 09:39

SDeuchars, well there was a very quiet change in the law last year which means that this year's intake can accept a reception place then not send the child until the term after its fifth birthday - or before, if it's a summer birthday so mine could start as late as Easter as his bday is in June.

Our HT said she 'hadn't heard about this' and would contact the LA to ask, but she never got back to me...if anyone's interested it's paragraph 2.69 in the DFE admissions thingy

IngridBergmann · 01/04/2011 09:40

they don't hold the place over into yr1 though if you don't start your child during reception at all. Just to clarify.

Sportsmum · 01/04/2011 09:45

It's horses for courses - I was lucky, my own were soooooooo ready for school at 4 whilst some are still not ready at 6.

DiscoDaisy · 01/04/2011 09:48

Where we live the option to defer to the january for april to august born children has been there for the past 4 years.
In that time I've had 3 children start school and know of no one who has used the option.

systemsaddict · 01/04/2011 09:56

Agree don't worry at all about the sight words or reading. Mine is late August born, started last September, and we have really struggled too, hardest parenting thing I've ever done.

I have managed by just focusing on resting and de-stressing him as much as possible at home. We do almost nothing other than school, no activities, home time is chill out time, early nights. We still get a couple of hours of screaming in the evenings from time to time from exhaustion, but it has got noticeably better the past few weeks, all of a sudden. A couple of nights a week we just do sandwich dinner and straight to bed, he has cooked lunches. Baths only twice a week (partly 'cos of eczema but partly to minimise stuff that has to be done in the evenings). He sleeps at weekends occasionally and spends a lot of time slumped on the sofa at home (when he isn't charging about with his sister like a crazed hyper thing, which is the other way it manifests itself).

If he just wants to slump on the sofa I would let him, it's probably what he needs to process all the activity in the school day; don't worry about distracting him with board games or more activities. I think it will get better - but they do start way too early here.

trifling · 01/04/2011 10:03

Mine was like this for most of this term but better now. Can you take him out midweek for the odd 'mental health' day? quite acceptable in reception I think even if he is already 5. Noise can be a big problem too in playbased openplan classrooms - have you talked to his teacher and asked if there's any possibility for more quiet time or whatever he needs at school? Does he eat enough at school and are you giving him a big, slow-release breakfast?

smee · 01/04/2011 10:05

I used to give DS 'sick' days off to recover. Used to tell him he'd got a low temperature so that way he couldn't try it on whenever he wanted. With hindsight, I wish I'd asked the school if he could do a four day week or something until he gained more stamina. It was definitely counter productive just making him go when he was over tired.

toddlerama · 01/04/2011 10:19

If he's not ready, why do it? Of course he will be fine in the end and by the time he's 7 or whatever, he will have the energy, but why put him through it now? Just take him out if you're at home. Mine aren't going to be starting until 7 at the earliest (and that's if I feel they're ready) because I have worked with reception and yr 1 & 2 kids and they needed the one-to-one sessions so desperately and all for different reasons. Some were bored, some couldn't cope and some were just overwhelmed. Even the ones who seemed to cope fine benefitted so much from the individual attention. You can register to home educate until you think they are ready if you don't feel it's right at 5.

munstersmum · 01/04/2011 10:30

Think this is normal & more frequent than many let on. We had very similar with DS. Tended to be in tears in school as well towards end of each term. Teacher was stunned when we said he averaged 12 hrs sleep a night. He didn't do any after school clubs/ activities. We only had friends round at weekends or in the hols because it just wasn't fair to ask him to play nicely when clearly past himself.

Friend's DD in reception actually fell asleep on desk some afternoons. She said please call me & I'll come to collect her. School said no it's OK we wake her to go to assembley !!

smee · 01/04/2011 10:32

Thing is each child's different. I know with DS, that if I'd home educated/ waited it would have been great in lots of ways, but equally he got so much from the social setting of school and that's something I couldn't have provided at home. Okay, I could have had play dates and things, but it's not the same as being one of 30 kids and learning how to interact/ mark your place/ choose friends, etc.

Of course they can do it at 7, or later even, but I honestly think if I'd let my son stay at home he'd have become increasingly introverted rather than the other way around. He's nearly 7 now and it's been brilliant to watch his confidence grow socially and it's mostly school which has done that for him. So hard to find the right balance though. I honestly think you have to weigh it up for each child.

SDeuchars · 01/04/2011 10:48

Toddlerama: You can register to home educate until you think they are ready if you don't feel it's right at 5.

You do not need to register to home educate. Basically, you just do not apply for a school place until you are ready to do so. The parent is (always) responsible for a child's education and you can provide it be regular attendance at school or otherwise (Education Act 1996, s7).

Once a child has been enrolled at a school, you must write to the head to deregister.

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