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Primary education

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Original poster

Year 3 son being called gay

29 replies

beeperhistory · 27/03/2011 18:23

I'm sure it's been covered before .... yesterday my year 3 son asked me what gay meant as he'd been called it at school. I wasn't sure whether the word had been used in the "sad" sense that unfortunately many children seem to use it nowadays, or in the gay relationship sense, but it seems to be the latter. Apparently if you stand next to another boy at the urinals or near him in the changing rooms you are labelled gay.

Basically he knows about same sex relationships but didn't actually know it was called being gay so that was fine, we had a discussion, and he is absolutely OK with what it means and that if people are gay it's cool with us.

BUT I'm seriously p**d off that this is being bandied about as an insult at school. What do I do? Do I say anything to the teacher? If so, how?

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 27/03/2011 18:26

Yes, say something to the teacher...mention what you know about the children calling each other gay in a matter of fact way.

I had to do the same thing when DS was in Y4. There was a "gay" urinal that if anybody used they were gay. apparently.

The school really cracked down on it, and now DS will preach as if he were a guy rights activist if he ever hears "gay" used in a derogatory way.

Original poster

beeperhistory · 27/03/2011 18:37

Thanks LynetteScavo, your son sounds great. Luckily ds was more bothered about the fact that he was being insulted without knowing what it meant, than being bothered once he found out what it meant - he was a bit "oh, is that it?" .

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thinkingkindly · 27/03/2011 20:35

Just read on another thread that 'gay' is the new word for 'great'!

LeninGrad · 27/03/2011 20:41

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Doowrah · 27/03/2011 22:25

The word 'gay' is massive in schools at the moment...my year 4 son came home from a mufti day having been told his shoes were 'gay' before he had even got into class!! To be honest I would think there is very little the teacher or school can do about it, you can't start banning words you can only try and educate the kids on meanings, derivatives and appropriate usage. They make their choices after that.

LeninGrad · 27/03/2011 23:03

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cybbo · 27/03/2011 23:04

I would certainly tell the teacher

LeninGrad · 27/03/2011 23:09

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LeninGrad · 27/03/2011 23:12

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LeninGrad · 27/03/2011 23:15

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Original poster

beeperhistory · 28/03/2011 07:14

Thanks all that's very helpful information. I'll have a word with the teacher as soon as I can. It's not about getting specific individuals into trouble, I just want to mention it as an issue for them all to think about. It seems in this case (from what ds said) it's definitely being used as an insult related to relationships (ie if you stand too close to someone everyone else shouts "UUUUURRRRGGGHHH, GAY"!)

I also checked with ds to see if it was just him (he is very quiet and sensitive and has attracted some names in the past) but it seems this is quite common throughout the year so I want the school to see the bigger picture.

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LeninGrad · 28/03/2011 09:19

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LeninGrad · 28/03/2011 09:21

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wheresthepimms · 28/03/2011 11:07

My DS2 was called gay the other week, he just turned round and said "oh well thats cool my Uncle is gay and his DP is really great and kind so I'd like to be like them". The whole room went silent, the teacher collared me after school to tell me that he had made all the boys stop using it as there was now an actual meaning to it and it was real not just something happening somewhere not affecting them. Must admit was a bit OMG at him when I was told it is a CofE school and is very much frowned upon by the local vicar

wheresthepimms · 28/03/2011 11:08

lenin before you jump on me the frowning upon is wrong

LeninGrad · 28/03/2011 11:28

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LeninGrad · 28/03/2011 11:33

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AitchTwoOh · 28/03/2011 11:36

agree, lenin. it's not even so much about the term used, that's 'just' a vehicle for nastiness.

LeninGrad · 28/03/2011 11:37

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LeninGrad · 28/03/2011 11:39

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CointreauVersial · 28/03/2011 11:39

It's used a little in our primary, but not in the homosexual sense. Anything rubbish/inadequate/annoying is labelled "gay".

AitchTwoOh · 28/03/2011 11:44

yes, one thing at a time. wrt the teacher the OP can say that her child is being harassed.

however, the conversation must also be had about whether gay is something that one can be 'accused' of.

i just wouldn't get the two muddled up with the teacher, i would be clear that both are unnacceptable.

(lenin it might tickle you to hear that dd1 (5) and i were discussing whether or not she was likely to marry her 'boyfriend' (a lad she has known since she was born). i was gently trying to point out that theirs might not be the only relationship she ever has, as normally girls go out with 'a few boys until they meet the man they are going to marry'. 'or woman, mum', she pointed out. right enough, she has been to more gay weddings than straight... )

Original poster

beeperhistory · 28/03/2011 11:57

I've put in a call to the teacher and she'll ring me back when she gets a chance.

Just thinking generally about this issue, I instinctively felt different about this to other name calling. Ds has been called other names, but I generally advise him to turn the other cheek and I've never debated whether to mention it to the teacher. This feels different somehow. It just feels so .... I don't know, pigging ignorant. That whole "urgh you'll catch being gay" idea that's implicit in the running away from someone when you call them the name. I also expected it more at the age of maybe 11/12, not 7/8.

LeninGrad looking specifically at schools, I would suspect that some teachers might feel reluctant to challenge an attitude that (let's face it) may well have come from parents themselves. I'd be interested to know the answer, but I can imagine it might be easier for a teacher to just "not go there" than to get into a situation of being seen to promote being gay? (goodness that sounds terribly section 28 doesn't it?)

OP posts:

LeninGrad · 28/03/2011 12:03

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wheresthepimms · 28/03/2011 12:27

My DDs prep school is good about this, even calling someone a silly name will get you a red strike (3 in a week and your in detention). My DD was horrifed (yes she is a goody two shoes, oopps thats me on a strike) when she got a strike on Saturday for calling a friend a pinhead, she said they were joking and it was messing about both kids involved but they were over heard and name calling is not acceptable in any situation so they both got strikes. It was the first she has ever had and she was crying for an hour after school :( But I was impressed with the school and its zero tolerance attitude.

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