DD afraid to wear skirts

[Amy68]

DD3 who is 9 is giving me a headache over the small matter of what she wears to school. She doesn't want to wear skirts at all as she is paranoid about people seeing her knickers. I wouldn't have her deliberately holding her skirt up or sitting with legs wide open, but at this age is it a big deal if someone occassionally glimpses simple clean knickers (which are to cover their private bits) by say sitting lazily, doing handstands, walking up stairs, climbing frames etc. To avoid extreme discontent I have bought her school trousers but this seems a rather unhealthy aversion to skirts. I suggested wearing shorts or leggings under a skirt but she said that felt stupid. After all she is only with other children and CRB checked staff so it doesn't bode well for later life.

Has anyone experienced this before with little DDs? (not older girls or adults who obviously must learn not to flash knickers)

Can you explain why this bothers you? She can choose to wear skirts when she's older if she wants to. Can't see the problem.

Yes. One of my Y2s became quite anxious recently (to the point of me being concerned about it), insisting that she needed her shorts on underneath her skirt every day 'because the wind might blow her skirt up'.

Rather than agree to the request (which we felt might lead to even greater anxieties), we talked to her about it (the wind / other gilrs in skirts / teachers in skirts (!), etc), and she accepted that she was being a little bit unrealistic! All is fine now!

Might there be a bit of a thing going on at school with kids commenting on/laughing about knickers being seen/trying to see them?

When I was that age, there was a fair bit of what was essentially low-level sexual harassment going on!

Agree with Dozer. I vividly remember at this age a boy in our class who would actively try to look up our skirts. I know you mention older girls, but I started my periods at 9, so maybe you need to reconcile yourself to the fact that she is not teeny anymore and buy her some trousers if she is so worried.

My dd2 was like this and still is sometimes. I think it started at about 8/9 and she is now 11 and in yr 6 and will occasionally wear a skirt but only with tights.

I just left her too it in the end, don't think it is worth the battle really.

DD (8) spends half her time hanging upside down from climbing frames whenever possible, and boys her age are not exactly mature about glimpses of girls' knickers. So she either wears trousers or shorts, or wears cycle shorts (basic black, I think I got a 3-pack from Asda or Tesco) under a skirt. A lot of the girls seem to do the same.

Just let her wear trousers

She doesn't have to wear a skirt

Get her some trousers - or culottes seem to be making at comeback at DD's school.

I can remember anything and everything remotely 'bodily' being subject to intense paranoia at junior school. It was a horrible age.

It gets worse when as a child you want to hide your tiny tufts of underarm hair, or bra straps and your parents still think you should wear strappy tops and can't understand the fuss - but it's tooooooo embarrassing to tell them why.

I wish DD(9) was more like this. She has NO modesty and often tells me she accidentally pulls down her knickers when getting changed for PE.

get her culottes -v.popular at our school

I think it's quite common. In the summer most of the girls in our school wear cycling shorts under summer dresses. As does my 5 year old daughter. In the winter she wears slips with tights, culottes or trousers.

At our school none of the Y5 and 6 girls wear skirts .Strangely thoughby the timethey get to secondary school they are in the school summer dress the minute they are allowed (usually after Easter)

The consensus here is I am being unreasonably worried. I wasn't fussed at DD1 or DD2 as they said trousers were warmer and more comfortable, not some silly reason like DD3. In case anyone has missed it, I have already got her school trousers which she is wearing just now. I do think skirts are much smarter which is why I prefer girls to wear them in preference to school trousers which look so unflattering.

Dozer - maybe it is something like that.

Cullottes could be possible, if she accepts those.

Unflattering? At under 11? how sad if decisions on what to wear to primary school are made on what's flattering or not.

Unflattering is maybe not the word I'm looking for, but I still prefer girls in skirts, though I wouldn't let any DDs wear minis to school which trousers are far better than. I just thought she was being a little over anxious about the whole thing, but people are suggesting I am the over anxious one.

My dd is in yr r and won't wear skirts but I think / hope this is just because she wants to be her older brother. I remember at junior school going to the loos in groups of 3 or 4 girls and everyone laughing when I showed my knickers. I have no idea why we did this but it was very embarrassing at the time and I can remember it clearly. Like dozer said they may be an underlying reason. Practically, I'd be happy for her to wear trousers, it may be just a short phase.

I wish my five year old would wear her lovely shorts. She happily wore them last year but I think got teased for "looking like a boy" and won't wear them now. She does wear her trousers a lot though, oddly enough.

Oh yes and I think some older girls last year told her she has to wear trousers/PE shorts under her skirt if she wants to do handstands on the school field? When they are five? I was definitely tucking my skirt into my knickers until I was about ten for that purpose! You'd hope things haven't gone backwards.

We have decided she will try wearing cullotes which sound a good compromise and she is happy, and I am. They will be cooler than trousers as well approaching Summer. I appreciate everyones advice, and it appears the original paranoia stems from more sinister events I would rather not divulge but are under discussion.

(I am amy68, or was until my account froze out and had to start afresh)

Typical DD chose to go back to skirts after making her point and apart from a few days this term they are much cooler than trousers. Now she has come home saying girls can't do handstands or cartwheels unless they wear shorts under their skirts as everyone will see their knickers. grrrrrrrr Strange world, when the point of school is to learn and make friends not silly issues like uniform.

My DD got this rubbish about handstands and knickers in primary as well and we thought it was absurd, although some parents were concerned about early sexualisation of their DC. The point about making a fuss for the h* of it sounds all too familiar as well (DD is now 13 and pushing boundaries further than ever). Hold yours back if you can, I wasn't strict enough with mine.

The norm among girls this age IME

Yes, none of the teachers have said it and I have never read it anywhere as school policy but DD1 was told by some older girls when she was 4, FFS that he should wear shorts under her skirt or wear trousers if she wants to do handstands. For ages after she would only wear trousers. Now (nearly 6) have got over that and shows her knickers with abandon, which is as it should be in my book. I mean they all get changed for PE together in the classroom so boys do see their knickers inevitably...

If it was ever communicated as school policy I would strongly object.

Of course at nine she may be a little more self-conscious, I certainly was by ten about boobs starting to grow.

Funny how things change isn't it? Some people now think there's something wrong with seeing little kids' underwear whereas at the age of 12 in the late 80s and looking like a grown woman it was somehow acceptable to do cross country running in a pair of pants and an aertex top.