requesting a specific teacher - WWYD

[HarrietTheSpook]

DD2 is entering nursery in September, which is full time at the DCs school.

The likelihood is that we will be given the same teacher as DD1 had (the school tends to do this for continuity purposes), whom we weren't especially crazy about for a variety of reasons. DH is a teacher himself and observed some things he didn't feel were especially professional. He really isn't overly critical or an exaggerator and he's very diplomatic. So I do trust his judgement.
But my main reason is that we communicated very badly, she came across very defensively wwhen we brought things up, it was just bizarre (this post would be pages long if I contineud.)

On the one hand - I know how irritating it would be if every parent tried to 'have their way' and get a particular teacher. I don't really want be this pushy parent.

Also - just maybe she'd suit DD2? And I should let fate take it's course?

But one of the issues we had with her was that she has this habit of comparing students (she even showed us another students' work at a parents' meeting) and if she started on this track with DD2 vs DD1 it would drive me mad. They are very different children and I want DD2 not to encounter comparisons with DD1..

Would you leave it? Or would you express a preference for the other teacher who I know a little bit socially and who I feel is a better fit for DH and me?

I don't think I would express a preference, although I really empathise with your situation. The main reason I wouldn't is that I think it is unlikely to be taken into account, and therefore you will have put yourself out there for no real gain. I don't think schools can get into this kind of thing because it really is in the realms of precedent setting. Schools aren't daft, they do know their staff and they will prob know these issues already. But she presumably isn't actually incompetent or they would instigate capabilty proceedings. However, if you think there are real competency issues, I would be making a formal complaint. I imagine this would gave the effect of your dc not being in her class. It is hard being a teacher and a parent. Dp and I are both teachers and the knowledge of how things should be can be a huge help but also a bit of a worry at times.

Your comment: "put yourself out there for no real gain" really resonates. If they've allocated already (which they may have) and I've gone on record basically saying I don't like someone then we've not helped ourselves really. We look 'difficult.' We also SHOULD have really said something at the time, which we didn't.

Actually though while I didn't lobby for a particular teacher when DD1 went from recption to year one I did ask that she not 'go up' with one of her friends for various reasons. This did happen. It may have been co-incidental though.

I could try to discretely find out when the classes get allocated.

I mean about DD1, made our complants there and then. It's a bit late in the day now.

I have asked for one on my children not to be put in the same class as a specific child at the school nursery and they did respect that.

If you feel strongly about it speak to the person in charge of the foundation stage and express your preference that your children have different teachers.
They can only say no. And if they are professional about it it should not cause any bad feeling.

Sorry to jump in again, but I do think asking about a specific child is a bit different and reasonably common practice to try and accommodate. Whichever way you go about it, asking for a specific teacher will come across as a suggestion that the member of staff is not professional enough to accommodate the needs of siblings to be treated as individuals. I'd say that a complaint against the teacher might be a more open way to go about things and does not suggest that you are asking for 'special' treatment. Also, it would allow you to be specific about the nature of the issues you have with the teacher, whereas the request for a different class could be seen as less reasoned, especially if you are friendly with the other teacher.

Only if it works both ways and teachers are allowed to ask for specific parents

Did you make your concerns known at the time? Does the headteacher know about the difficulties you had in communicating with this teacher?

If not, then I think you just have to put up with whatever you're given. You will definitely come across as a pushy parents if you try and influence the choice of teacher for your dd. I think that it could look like you are calling into question the judgement of the Head who employed the teacher, and the professionalism of the teacher, without ever making any actual attempts to raise problems when they occurred.

"would you express a preference for the other teacher who I know a little bit socially and who I feel is a better fit for DH and me?" Surely you realise that it's not about what's best for you and your dh.

How about just requesting not to have her but telling a little white lie about the reason? Eg. "Although teacher was fine with DD1, I would really like DD2 to have a different teacher. They are so different and I really don't want them to be compared and I know this is so difficult to do as I even struggle with it myself . . . blah blah."

That way, if you do end up with the same teacher, at least you haven't said anything bad about her, and at least you've tried for DD2.

Jezabelle your suggestion is what my DH thinks MIGHT be possible. I wasn't planning to say anything bad about her BUT I appreciate the simple act of saying we don't want her could be read that way.

I'd already said above that we didn't say anything at the time and it's too late now to do so.

Littlefish:OF COURSE I know it's not all about me and DH. I agree my point have arguably been better put and I haven't gone into my reservations in detail about that other teacher but it does relate to her attitude towards us and some things my hsuband observed her do and say during parents' meetings. I feel that her attitude towards us may have affected her attitude towards DD.

When she's giving feedback on a student she frequently brings herself into the discussion with things like: "When I had my Jamie etc he was just like that and now yada yada..." Sort of thing. We left every meeting thinking: your son is nothing to do with our DD. I have these visions of her going on: "Now with DD1, xyz. But with DD2 x..." sort of thing.

I guess I didn't say anything at the time as it's very hard to 'prove' she was giving DD a harder time because she didn't respond well to us. And I was wary of escalating it. it was one of those things where you think: is it that bad? Are we being unreasonable. etc.

I do have an easier rapport with the other teacher than we did with DD1s teacher which I know because I have had some social interaction with her. By no means loads but some basis to form a view.

And as for what one poster said: it woudln't surprise me at all if she requested not to have us!!! I bet they can do it.

At my DCs primary this would be fine. I have requested specific teachers, and in one case requested we didn't have a specific teacher (it would have been a disastrous combination). I have known people be even stronger (one boy was swapped forms in year 2 to avoid one teacher).

It reall depends on the head teacher. I would be surprised if classes are finalised yet, as its a long time until September and a lot of things could change.

I would give it a shot actually. Don't ask, don't get and all that BUT with the you don't want them treated too much as siblings line.

At least, as well, you've gone on record saying that you don't want them compared so you'd have grounds for complaining if you did end up with her and she compared them.

Was your eldest actually happy with that teacher and being in that class? The comparison thing is a pain - and unprofessional - but could be worse. Nursery days are a long way behind me now and I know there can be bigger battles ahead with teacher personalities, teaching style, class dynamics...

Good luck

Hi Snap
I am going to try to see if I can find out when the classes are allocated.

Then go something like: "I understand it may be the school's practice to put the younger siblings in with the same nursery teacher their older siblings have had for continuity's sake, possibly out of consideration for the parents. I wanted to say that, just so you're aware, DH and I don't feel this is a priority for us. If anything, we would rather that the girls had different teachers in their nursery year as they are so different themselves and we are keen to avoid any comparisons. Although of course you have many considerations in how the classes are allocated.

This can't be THAT controversial can it?

Inky
DD1 is the sort of person who likes everyone. She would also have liked the other teacher too.

I realise it's not the end of the world but it's a very small school- it's the comparisons and also at collection time/drop off time this woman ALWAYS had something to say to me. She wasn't terribly discreet (which also goes in with the comparisons) either. I work full time although do the drop offs and the idea that I could be facing these 'discussions' on a weekly basis again fills me with dread.

Some of the things she raised suggested to us she was struggling to cope. At one point my DH felt like saying: "I cannot be in the room teaching the class with you, I have to be in my own classroom." They were really simple things like girls saying to each other: You're not my friend any more, she's my best friend. "Now we don't say that to each other" - and out of three girls, she'd be looking at my DD. It's like: Is this not part and parcel of a nursery class? Why can you not manage through this? BUT when some boy threw sand in my DDs eyes it was 'an accident.' That sort of thing.

We should have probably complained.

Harriet - fair enough. I think your suggestion of what to say sounds fine. It's not making any suggestion about that teacher's competence, but making a point about younger daughter's needs. Personally I can't see why siblings should have the same teacher anyway, what purpose does it serve within the same school - it's not like attending different schools. Go with your instincts!

There is a new head as well, who just came in. The previous head was 'phoning it in' so to speak, crusing towards retirement.

The new head has made several changes already. One other funny thing about this nursery teacher - at the end of the year I said to her: Are there any plans for a breakfast club next year at the school? Not an entirely out of the ordinary question from a mother who works full time, one would have thought.

She immediately freaked out and 1) "Never in the one hundred year history of this school has there EVER been a breakast club." (Harriet takes a step back from the classroom door.) 2) Then she immediately assums that she would personally be asked to man the club and went into great detail about how it wouldn't work for her schedule and the schedule of the other teachers: we are preparing we have children etc 3)Launches into tirade about how inappropriate it is for children to be cared for by others for more than the normal school day. "We had one girl who went from a childminder to us to the David Lloyd centre, to here there and everywhere. Too long a day for a child."

She could have said, in response to my query, "I don't know. Speak to the Office."

My point was the new head introduced a breakfast club immediately! For working parents. And the nursery hours are being extended to accommodate.