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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Cannot get DD to do any homework with me

20 replies

minko · 14/03/2011 17:22

Have just sat down to try and practice her 4 times table and within minutes she was wailing, crying, fidgeting, twisting and turning on her chair and generally being a complete PITA. Sorry... I persevered for about 10 minutes before the wailing got too much for me but this is how she always gets. She's crept off now with her times table test and will creep back to me with it finished to try and win me back. But if I tell here there is so much as one mistake the wailing will begin again.

She is so nervy about it all, she's so busy thinking she can't do it that she won't even try.

I have spoken to her teacher and she was surprised saying 'on she's not like that at school'. No kidding - she takes all her frustration out on me!

She finds numeracy very difficult in all aspects and writing hard too. We have long wondered if she might have dyslexia issues but are told the school is not concerned about her progress.

But it is so difficult when all I want to do is help her. She says I get too 'sucky uppy' when I try to help her. But I have to be so persuasive just to get her to do anything.

And it does always end up with me shouting I'm sorry to say...

OP posts:

walesblackbird · 14/03/2011 17:26

Oh god I hate homework. I have one daughter who loves to do her letters and words but have two boys who reduce me to tears regularly when it comes to doing their homework.

My eldest, who's now 9, takes an age to grasp something and is always convinced that he can't do it. Cue tears and tantrums. And then the penny drops and he realises that actually he can do it. With him it's all about building up his confidence - alternatively I just say say that it's fine that he won't do it and that I'll just send it back in to his teacher with a note saying that he refused. Generally works.

Then I have another son who's ADHD and nothing works unless and until he decides that he's going to do it. Consequently he's behind in everything but I refuse now to get sucked into his controlling nature and just let it go. I hate doing it because it goes completely against the grain but at least I still have my sanity and my hair!

lovecheese · 14/03/2011 17:30

How old is she minko?

Sexonlegs · 14/03/2011 17:38

I am having this issue as I type. Because it's light and sunny and her friends are out playing she is refusing to do it. She is coming up 8.

Original poster

minko · 14/03/2011 17:39

Oh, she's 7 and in year 3.

Is wailing upstairs. Have been to see her and realised she has copied all the answers off her multiplication square poster on the wall...

OP posts:

Original poster

minko · 14/03/2011 17:40

Oh snap SOL! Is it a 'difficult age' do you reckon!?

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gooseberrybushes · 14/03/2011 17:43

Jesus, don't shout, just leave it.

However let me expletive on your behalf.

It's fucking shit that children age seven spend six and a half hours at school and have to come home and do this. What the fucking fuck are they doing all day? Either they do it in school, in which case just leave it and she'll learn it any way, or they aren't, in which case what the fuck is the point.

Seriously though, I would not push it for now. I pushed and pushed and now it's hell on a stick at the age of 16 to get mine to do anything. If she's doing it independently, great. But don't ruin your relationship with her because the national curriculum is SHITE.

Original poster

minko · 14/03/2011 17:58

She does seem to be feeling the pressure recently. Her whole mood and persona have changed. She is moody and aggressive a lot of the time whereas 'normally' she is bright, happy, sociable and easy going. I've been wondering if it's hormones, or just school stress. Either way I just want to help...

Am taking your words as a warning Gooseberry... but you're right, the school should teach them this stuff and teach them that they need to learn it not get mum to pressure them into it...

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mummytime · 14/03/2011 18:31

If she gets upset - don't do the homework! If necessary send a note in saying how she feels.

BTW my "very bright little girl" doesn't know her 4 times tables. It really isn't the end of the world at 7 (or ever).

Numberfour · 14/03/2011 19:16

My 6 yr old DS in Year one is the same! He HATES doing homework and HATES having to practice reading and writing with me. Sometimes we battle, other times I cannot be arsed. I work full time (childminding) and study part time (so DS is aware that reading and writing are important, iykwim!) but bloody hell! to get him to do this at home is torture - for him and for me.

Sexonlegs · 14/03/2011 19:50

Minko, I am finding dd1 an utter nightmare at ther moment.

She can be so loving, thoughtful, but also so angry and obnoxious. She often tells us she hates us :( She just lashes out and I don't really know wny.

She is fine at school and is above average in terms of the curriculum. But my God...

We are at a bit of a loss.

How did the rest of your afternoon go?

Panzee · 14/03/2011 19:54

I am a teacher and I hate homework (primary anyway). If I set it (which I wouldn't unless the Head insisted) and you sent me a note in saying she was too busy playing out to do it then I would love it. :)

Frog253 · 14/03/2011 20:03

We have the same problem with homework here. Anyway, since she turned 8 she's been able to go to 'homework club' at our local library. It's great, she sits there with some teenage girls from the local comp and gets on with it. Also there's a drink and a bisuit, it's free and you can just drop in when you want to go. Having said that though in the whole hour that she's there she 'only' manages her maths homework, we still have spellings and literacy at home .
Is there something similar in your area? Other than that I thought about organising my own h/w club ie invite a friend around and they can do it together then have a play.

JiminyCricket · 14/03/2011 20:05

My dd can be the same (age 7, year 2)- anything I say or do is wrong (funnily enough, only when she is finding it hard, not when she is understanding it...hmm, taking it out on me perhaps honey? - She has explained that when she thinks she can't do it she gets really scared and frustrated, and that its not my fault (thanks, that doesn't make it feel any better when I am being shouted at constantly). I have taken the decision, having found out from her teacher that she is a hard worker at school and very careful with her work, to take the pressure off. So I remind her to do it, and she is expected to do it, but I don't go on about it - and if she starts going downhill with her spellings etc as a result I guess she will work out that she needs some help and we can go from there. I empathise. Oh also, I have asked my DH to do more of the reminding or to sit down with her sometimes so its not just me and that has helped me step back a bit.

MollieO · 14/03/2011 20:14

On going issues here too with Ds (yr 2). So far he gets away with it, eg will get all his spellings correct despite only looking at his spelling book once on the way to school. Means he sees no need to make any effort. He knows I appreciate effort more than results. Not a fan of homework and I've said that to his teacher. There is plenty of time in secondary school for all that.

sageygirl · 14/03/2011 20:31

Homework is a nightmare. DS, 8 years old and in yr 3, hates it and regular tantrums and shouting ensue. If he would read the instructions it would help but he makes little / no effort. To get him to do it I have to do what feels like far too much of it myself. Wish it was easier really and he could build up his confidence in it and do it alone. Funnily enough he loves time tables and is happy for me to test him on those, also loves spellings, I expect you've realised that he is good at these. It's just a problem where he has to write anything down. And DD, 4 and in yr r, is copying DS and saying she hates it too. Which is simply depressing.

wordsmithsforever · 14/03/2011 20:36

When my DD was this age, I always felt that by home time she'd been cooped up a lot during the day already, with probably quite a bit of time spent sitting at a desk, feeling restricted.

So I used to try to bring in lots of big movements - skipping for times tables, treasure hunts (hiding the words around the house) for spelling or chalk on the driveway/pavement. Things used to go pear shaped when I tried to do homework in the same manner as (I imagine) they did much of the school day, ie sitting at a desk, etc. To be fair, after several hours, who can blame them for being of sick of sitting at a desk?

maggiethecat · 14/03/2011 21:55

Minko mine is same age and in same year as yours. Her numberwork is not as good as her literacy and her handwriting was pretty awful until she started to bring home handwriting homework. We realise that she can write decent cursive if she only takes the time.

I noticed when she was about 6 that whenever I do homework with her she generally fools around or descends into giggles and does not take it seriously until I start getting serious which I don't think helps. I actually think the giggles is a sign of nervousness about not getting things right.

Usually I try to coax and encourage but often find that I end up exasperated, and expressing such, when she starts guessing the answers.

Dh has much better results with her but then I think he is a better teacher than I (tho I can smell his exasperation half the time )

I try to tell her that it does not matter if she gets things right or wrong but I do care that she tries and takes pride in her work.

zest01 · 14/03/2011 22:18

There are some homework's I know will go down fine (measuring rain in the garden, writing poems etc) and some which I see and inwardly groan (anything which invloves numbers and/or more than half a page of writing generally).

I figure if I feel that way, it's no wonder the kids do too.

I tend to set aside a day and time for it and make sure there are no distractions. I will usually line up a treat for afterwards (fave tv and hot choc for example) and, providing I feel they have worked at it, I don't make them do it beyond 30 mins. If they haven't finished it at that stage, I will write a note to the teacher explaining they worked hard at it for 30 mins and I felt that was long enough.

Seems to work ok, and the teacher has never come back and raised it with me as an issue.

Obviously when they are in high school I will take a different approach but when they are young I think 30 mins a week, plus reading, plus spellings is plenty!

Original poster

minko · 14/03/2011 22:25

Thanks for all this advice and reassurance! There are some good ideas too, I like the idea of running around. I think I will write the numbers of the 4x table on the drive then ask the question and get her to jump on to the answer... hmmm, might make it more fun...

The rest of our evening calmed down a bit and she apologised for her outburst. I found a few good tables test games on the internet which she did more willingly.

Just spellings and her term project to tackle now... it feels more like homework for me than her!

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melrose · 14/03/2011 22:32

Have you tried getting her to do homework in the morning instead of the evening. I realised DS struggled with reading etc in the evening if v tired, so started doing it first thing (he is always up by 6.30 though)Find the "yes you can watch TV after you have read to me for 10 mins/ done your homework. practiced your spellings" works really well and often achieves in 10 mins what he would take at least twice as long over in the evening (accompanied by alot of whinging)

We often do tables or spellings on the walk to school too, or in the car on the way somewhere at the weekend. In a "let's see if we can do all the 3's by the time we get to the end of the road" type way! He loves this as it means it is not using up on his free time at home.

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